4 year old daughter remembering mexico

Hello, I've been reading this forum for years, but it's my first time posting. I'm sorry if this is disjointed, I'm just trying to get down everything she's been saying.
Here's what's going on: a few weeks ago, one of my 4 year old twins started talking about her other family. At first, we thought her references to her 'other mother' and 'other father' were from the movie Coraline. She would say things like 'my other mother would do this with me'. Then, without prompting, she started adding more details. She told her father and I that her other family lives in Mexico. She says ( she always says this in present tense) that she has another mother and another father and a brother. She says her other father is a cowboy. She's told us that her brother had a toy bear, but now her brother is grown up and is a cowboy like her other father. She says her other mother wears long dresses, and that she had lots of dresses when she lived with her other family. We live in New Mexico, and when she talks about her other family, she makes it very clear that she means 'old mexico', not the New Mexico where we currently are. I asked her why she doesn't live with her other family any more. She said 'when I was still little you came and took me away'. She says her name was Feliz ( that's her name now), but she talks about a little sister named 'Leesi'. Not sure what name that might be, maybe a nickname, but she pronounces it Leesi. I've tried asking her a few questions, but she gets upset when she can't remember. I've asked her what town she lived in in Mexico, but she just answers 'mexico'. I don't think she understands the concept of towns yet. I've asked her if she knows her other mother or fathers names, but she doesn't. She has been getting very upset lately, clinging to me, breaking down in tears saying that she misses her other family. She says over and over 'I need to get back to Mexico but I don't know how' . I'm trying to be supportive of her, we've told her that we are close to Mexico and if she can remember a town, we will try to take her there to see it. She's mentioning her other family every day, several times a day, and it's really seeming to bother her. Does anyone have any advise on how I should proceed ? Thank you all

Sounds like you are handling it well, NWWolfMama. Letting her set the pace is a good idea, if she she gets too upset. It's possible that even though she has some vivid memories of this life, it may have been a life many years ago, not a recent one...so where she lived may look different. I say that because of her talking about her father being a cowboy and her mother wearing long dresses. Sounds like you are being supportive, and listening when she talks. That's important.

NMWolfMama said:

I've asked her what town she lived in in Mexico, but she just answers 'mexico'. I don't think she understands the concept of towns yet. I've asked her if she knows her other mother or fathers names, but she doesn't. She has been getting very upset lately, clinging to me, breaking down in tears saying that she misses her other family. She says over and over 'I need to get back to Mexico but I don't know how' .

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Hi WolfMama

Welcome to the forum.

That's all very interesting. It sounds like this life was from a long time ago as BethC says. Maybe she died young, if she said 'you came and took her away' when she was little?

If it's upsetting her, just leave it alone for a while. Let her talk about it if she wants to or when she's in the mood, but try not to ask her any direct questions, such as the name of the town and so on. They are not really that important at this point. That kind of thing might come later.

I'm trying to be supportive of her, we've told her that we are close to Mexico and if she can remember a town, we will try to take her there to see it.

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Why not just go on a family road trip to Mexico anyway? Just for fun. You never know. It might make her feel better. It would be fun anyway.

Little kids will often start to talk about their previous lives when they are feeling drowsy, like in the back of the car, or at bed time. That is when she might say things or want to talk about it. Try not to make a big deal of it. Just go 'Uh huh. Oh really? ... Hmm.. that's interesting..." Just as you would if she was talking about any old thing. She will be more likely to open up that way.

If she gets upset and misses her other family, give her a kiss and a cuddle and tell her it will be OK, and you love her just as much as her other Mum. She will be fine.

HI,

Keep a journal. Give her time. Wait to put the pieces together. If you would like help with her regarding how she feels, trauma, bad dreams, etc you can contact Carol directly. Please do keep sharing. Also drawing is a good outlet for them and a way to keep what she remembers on paper - straight from her. She can draw her other home. Her sister, and how she feels, perhaps even what happened.

Just posting a little update. Feliz stopped talking about her other family for several weeks, and then started again. She now says that her other family lives in a big city in Mexico, but they are all dead. I asked her how they died. She said "they got very old and then they died". She is still saying things like "I really miss my other mama". She got very upset yesterday, crying and saying my family is all gone, I can't find them and now I don't got no family". I gave her hugs and assured her that she DOES have a family, that her father and I, her twin, and her older brother and sister are all her family and that we love her very much.

Thanks for the update. I'm sorry she is so sad. Perhaps, you can tell her that some people believe that she will get to see her old family again, someday. It helped one of my children when she was about that age and newly-struck with the concept of death.