Helena Rose

Discussion in 'Children's Past Lives -Age 7 & under' started by Marsey, Jun 3, 2001.

  1. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    It seems my grandaughter Helena Rose remembers a very tragic past life. She was born at home after only 42 minutes of labor and will be 3 in August. (I mention this speedy birth only because it is so unusual--I don't know that it would necessarily have anything to do with past life memories.) Her speech abilities are far beyond most children her age--she's been able to express complex thoughts in complete sentences for several months. On several occasions I've wondered if she isn't "remembering" speech as much as learning it. Her brother's name is John--we've never heard anyone call him Johnny--except Helena. She occasionally calls me Nan or Nanny instead of "Nanna" and we can't imagine where she picked this up.

    Almost since birth Helena has been fixated (for lack of a better word) on her mother's stomach. Untill recently she was waking nightly, crying and frantic to put her head on her mom'm stomach. Throughout the day she needed to frequently touch, hold, put her head on, etc. mom's stomach. She still does but the urgency is beginning to fade.

    She's afraid of strange men, loud noises, and flys. She becomes almost hysterical when a tiny little gnat flys in that the rest of us don't even notice. Not that many children arn't afraid of these things, but as i tell the story these things take on more significance.

    When Helena was 2 1/2 she woke up one morning crying and saying,"Mama's dead". She sleeps with her parents and her mother replied, "No honey, I'm right here". In a somewhat irritated tone Helena replied, "Not you, my other mama. I went to her and put my head on her stomach but she didn't move. She's dead."

    A few days later Helena told me "Mama and Daddy are dead. A bad man came...a gun...shoot...my head...(she then put her hands over her ears)...my ears".

    Then a few weeks ago she told me she had two daddys--one was Daddy (her dad) and the other one was Papa. I asked her if that was the one that was killed and she said yes. She tried to explain something and I finially guessed "strings?" and finially, "Oh, you mean ropes?" "Yes, ropes," she said. She said several sentences that i could not understand, but did say (that she escaped by) hiding in Mama's coat (or under some coats).

    A few days ago she brought up "Papa" again. We asked her what Papa looked like and she got a half-smile on her face and reached up with her hands to carress her face (exactly as a child would carress their father's beard). We said, "A beard?", and she said yes. We asked her what color it was and she said, "pink...red". I find her choice of pink facinating. We don't know anyone with a red beard and for a child to reply "pink", to me suggests remembering what Papa's beard really looked like instead of using the usual adult color, red.

    And finially another thing that by itself would be insignificant but as part of the whole picture...Helena has a ferocious appetite. It seems so much that she's "just starving to death" that I sometimes wonder if she didn't. I just can't help but wonder if she wasn't alone with her dead parents till she finially died also.

    I will post again if anything new comes up. We don't question her--we're not sure if that would be good for her at this time or not. What do you think?

    Thanks to you others out there who have posted.

    Marsey
     
  2. Gypsy

    Gypsy Senior Registered

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    Welcome to the forum, Marsey.
    To say I was impressed by your post would be an understatement.
    I didn't actually "think" anything. I simply got chills and said "wow" out loud.
    As you know, a number of people have posted snippets of memories related by youngsters. I think it's unusual that you are getting such a clear picture of what could be your granddaughter's most unsettling memories.
    I don't know if you've read either of Carol Bowman's books, but I do know that in the past she has responded directly to members in order to help the children involved heal from traumas and fears and live this life to its fullest.
    I admit, if Helena Rose were my grandchild I would want to question her (gently) out of my own curiosity and to look for clues to help her get over her fears. But, also think I would be so scared that I'd say something...or push too far...that she might be scared.
    I'm sure other members will comment. And hopefully Carol will add some personal insight.
    Sending you Light and wishing you well.
    --- Gypsy
     
  3. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Hi Gypsy,

    Thanks for your reply. Yes, when Helena first told us about her "other" moms death it did make me feel sort of "creepy"--even though I've believed, theoretically anyway, in reincarnation for years. Way back in my 20's (that was in the 60's) I ran accross the concept, was curious, and was lucky enough to find Stevenson's book in the library. It was so well written that I became a believer. Of course, to have real evidence right here is another thing!

    Tonight Helena said to me, "You know, I have two daddys" I said, "The other one with the beard?" She said yes and again felt her face to show me. She also felt above her lip and I said "and he had a moustache, too?" "Yes," she said, "Red". I then asked about the other mama and she just seemed puzzled as to why I might think she has another mom. I think she has forgotten the mom and to me it would seem a blessing. We will save all this information for her and when she is older she and her mom can decide how to handle it.

    Since I posted I have gone into this site and read some of the information that Carol has here. You know, it's just uncanny that a certain way of speaking is indicitive of real memory and not just imagination. Helena is *very* serious in a way that's hard to discribe when she talks about these events.

    Marsey
     
  4. englishrose

    englishrose Senior Registered

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    Dear Marsey,
    Welcome to this wonderful forum. You are so very fortunate to have the opportunity to share these memories of your grand-daughter but above all she is blessed to have someone who believes her. So often childrens past life recollections are dismissed as childish nonesense.
    You mentioned about her speedy birth and wondered whether there was a relevance to her memories...my daughter took nearly 24 hours to be delivered and her memories about her other "real family and her real, real, real mum "were really quite vivid and prolonged .
    I think that when a special child like this talks about a past life memory they need the adults around them to be a source of reassurance. The hardest thing for them to realise is that these memories are from a past life and that the dangers and fears have actually gone .
    It took me many years of really difficult problems to realise this. I only wish that I had found Caroles book sooner!! It truly changed our lives.
    Let us know how things progress with Helena Rose. There are some brilliant people here on this site who will support you...it is very difficult to discuss these issues with so many people in ordinary everyday life.!!!
    With love and light.
    english rose.
     
  5. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Thanks for you reply English Rose. Most of the people I think of as friends do believe in reincarnation , so at least we feel free to talk about Helena's memories without people thinking we're nuts.

    Helena seems to do well. She's bright, happy and her fears do seem to be fading. I would think that one day when she is older she may need to grieve for her mom and dad from her last life? I lost my mom when i was quite young and did't really grieve till I was in my late 30's. I sobbed, "Mama come back" just like a little kid. I had no idea till it all came out that all that grief was inside of me. I'm wondering if when a life ends without time to grieve (or any unfinished business) might a person stay close to the "earthly realm" and reincarnate quite rapidly? I had always thought that one meets with passed love ones and spends a little time on the "other side".

    Marsey
     
  6. Kelly

    Kelly Administrator Emeritus

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    Hi Marsey

    What an interesting little jewel of a grandchild you have, it certainly seems her insecurity with her mum’s stomach comes from the same past experiences where she remembers her other family. My first thoughts funny enough were that it could have been in WWII, I don’t know why, but that’s where my first thoughts jumped to, although I’m sure it could fit into anytime period really, although Mama and Papa are more European gestures compared to mother, father, mum, dad, etc.

    And the ferocious appetite could be due to starving after her parents died, although it could also have been during a time or starvation, or in imprisonment, encampment??? And flies…well I can imagine where they come into the equation when you’re surrounded with death and decay!!!

    As for her speedy birth, maybe she was simply raring to be part of your family…nice and safe. Her fears could be fading because she is releasing her memories and being allowed to remember them, rather than being passed off, this is sometimes where a lot of the problems can arise. By talking about them, sharing them and being believed more than anything, a child is able to release all the surface memories and deal with the emotions, they are also better able to adapt a distinction between then and now. Whereas, when it’s locked away and they’re scorned for saying such things, or laughed at, ignored, etc, the memories and feelings get locked down deep into their subconscious and become repressed…only to remain surfacing throughout life as other insecurities and fears with no real rationality or recognition.

    It seems your granddaughter is very lucky and is adjusting to everything very happily, even in the way she talks so cheerfully, openly to you all….make sure you keep a journal, it’s amazing how easy it is to piece together things into a whole, when it’s all in front of you….plus it’s a precious gift when she finally starts on her own search and path in life.

    Lots of Love



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    Kelly
     
  7. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Hi Kelly,

    Thanks for your response. Yes, when Helena told me the other father's name was Papa it did occur to me that in our family we don't traditionally call fathers "Papa". I asked her mom this evening and she agreed that yes, she may be familiar with the word (her vocabulary is so large) but she has never called her "present" dad anything but dad or daddy.

    Someone mentioned to me that research suggests that children reincarnating from a violent or tragic death usually reincarnate within 50 miles of their place of death and within a year and a half (if I remember correctly) lengyh of time. I checked back to 1992 in our Portland Maine paper and found nothing.

    Again, thank you all for your responces. I will write again if there is anything further.

    Marsey
     
  8. Kelly

    Kelly Administrator Emeritus

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    Hi Marsey

    I’m not sure about the suggestions posed in the research your friend read, I’m sure it is true with many cases, but as in all things, nothing is constant…some children reincarnating from a tragic death may fall into this suggested pattern, but I’m also sure a lot of them could choose to wait a while after such a trauma, or even be stuck in the Earth Life System – I guess every individual is different and so is each of their personal choices.

    When your granddaughter next speaks about it, maybe you can get an idea of a time period by asking about her clothing then, or toys, etc, I know you don’t want to ask too many questions, but these one’s are simply interacting with her own snippets and sparks of memory at the time by asking her favourite plaything, dress, .story, etc.

    Lots of Love



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    Kelly
     
  9. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Hi Kelly,

    The last few times when Helena has talked only of "Papa" the emotional tension that was so obvious when she spoke of the "murder ?" of her parents does not seem so present. She seems more relaxed and able to talk without mumbling and speaking softly and rapidily as she did when she spoke of the "event". As one might expect! As time goes on we will ask more if the opportunity presents.

    Marsey
     
  10. catseye

    catseye Senior Registered

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    Marsey,
    The flies would have arrives within 24 to 48 hours and then you have the maggets. It Mama had been shot there would have definitely been a drawing of flies, perhaps even a wound to the stomach and that might explain the fixation of constantly 'checking' this Mom's abdomen to make sure she's okay. And if she was left alone as a toddler that sense of having no food would be paramount, since the concept of 'death' is a bit hard to accept as a child.
    I do alittle reinacarnation astrology, and I'm not sure that I can help, but if you want to e-mail me with a date, place and time of birth I might be able to help you close in on a year that she may have passed over.
    catseye
     
  11. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Hi Catseye,

    You can read about Helena's birth (with the date, etc.) at http://www.boothbayregister.com/obituaries.

    Thanks for your response.

    Marsey

    Opps, I should add click on search and then type in Solorzano baby.
     
  12. York

    York Guest

    It is really impressive to me. My 15 months soon as also a ferocious apetite, doesn't like strange men, wake's up many times in the nigth screaming, lays his head on my stomach and when is very anxious he can sleep over me. And the most impressive is that he puts his hands over his ears many times.
    I asked my pediatrician to see his ears and aparently there is nothing wrong with him.
    The other thing he realy likes is to touch is father beard. He realy loves is father. He just ask for mom first when he is upset about anything.
    First words he sayed was father ( pai / papa ) in portuguese.

    Keep us informed about Helena.
    Bye See you always

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    York

    [This message has been edited by York (edited 08-10-2001).]

    [This message has been edited by York (edited 08-10-2001).]
     
  13. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Hi to all--Marsey here with a short update on Helena Rose. I wasn't sure if I remembered my password, so the test.

    I've asked her a couple of times if she still remembers her other mama and daddy and she says "No". She is in pre-school now and it has not been easy for her to be separated from her mom for even a few hours. I once went with my daughter to pick her up and she was so glad to see us that she ran to first her mom and then me just throwing her arms around us and saying, "I missed you so much".

    Last night I babysat her and her brother. While John was busy making tanks, bombs, and guns with tinkertoys Helela and I played with her dolls. At one point John felt he wasn't getting enough of my attention so we played tinkertoys with him. Helena made a gun and...I can't remember exactly how the story went but anyway she said that the doll's parents (one of her dolls) had been killed by a bad man.

    She is a happy and very affectionate little girl but I sure can now see what Stan Grof meant when he said sometimes events from past lives are even more important to deal with than childhood events of our present life.
     
  14. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    Hi Marsey,

    Your granddaughters memories are very impressive. It is the way she expresses herself I am sure, and the night terrors, that have convinced you of their authenticity. Can you also see as she shifts from one level of awareness to another as she expresses her memories??

    It sounds like she didn't live very long in her last life, and I would suspect that as time passes the memories will fade. It sounds like she is over the worst of it. I would let them be, and just be positive and focus on her future and give her loads of security! She is very lucky to have a family that is open to the possibilities of reincarnation. That alone will help her to heal.

    As she gets older, maybe eight or nine, you can always explore with her, doing meditations together, to see what surfaces. I did this with my son at that age, and the results were fantastic, uplifting and very eye opening -- for us both.

    If you do, direct her in the beginning to find a HAPPY place..full of joy..so the first time, her first conscious memory is a positive experience.

    Please keep us posted.

    ------------------
    Love and Light,
    Deborah

    The soul's Center...is God.




    [This message has been edited by Deborah (edited 12-29-2001).]
     
  15. RavensWitch

    RavensWitch New Member

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    CatsEye... You mentioned that one could email you with birth time etc. and you could possibly help with the death time in a past life...something to that effect. I can't locate your email. I have a 13 child that remembers a very tragic past life and I'd love to be able to help her identify it. My email is wiccanfemale2001@yahoo.com Please email me so I can get the information to you. Thanks, RavensWitch
     
  16. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    An update on Helena Rose. She will soon be four and is doing well. Talking with her mom the other day and she said Helena no longer mentions her "other" parents. She does sometimes say she lives in the woods with her grandma and grandpa and wants her mom to pretend to be grandma. And she has always said she has a sister named Anya. She just says this quite matter-of-factly and always includes Anya in her family. (We don't know of anyone named Anya.) Now her brother has a "pretend friend" Joey who does all sorts of marvelous things, etc.--a little alter ego, I think. :) But it is different with Helena--just "My sister Anya."
     
  17. Marg

    Marg Senior Registered

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    It does seem like we have a lot in common! I will have to write more later. My daughter won't let me type.

    Marg
     
  18. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Marg, so nice to hear from you!

    I had Helena today and asked her about her sister Anya. Reading back to Deborah's post, it is interesting to see how the level of awareness does change. These tiny little kids so serious (smile)! She told me that yes, Anya is her older sister. She can see her but other people can't. She then corrected me saying, "You keep calling her Anya. Her name is (pronounced) 'On-ya'.
     
  19. Flaming Tina

    Flaming Tina Senior Registered

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    Hey Marsey,

    I'm from Maine too...it's not too often I run into other "Mainer's" on the net...I don't know how far away you are from Brunswick but there is this great little shop there called Leapin Lizard's, they have a great selection of books and they are always offering different types of spiritual workshops, energy/aura/past life healing sessions. It's one of my favorite places...

    Tina

    ------------------
    "Go ~ not knowing where. Bring ~ not knowing what. The path is long, the way unknown." ~Russian fairy tale




    [This message has been edited by Flaming Tina (edited 09-15-2002).]
     
  20. Marg

    Marg Senior Registered

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    Hi:

    Finally found a quiet moment while my daughter is sleeping, and I am not so busy. I think you have a lot of information, and can probably find more. I think for my daughter, UNCOVERING the past has helped far more than trying to forget. I heard Carol on the radio, an Art Bell show. She was discussing children’s past lives, and gave tips to encourage one’s child to talk about their past life. I started following these tips with enthusiasm, after a month I felt certain my daughter had no memories. I had been asking her about “when she was big before” a term often used by children to describe their past [adult] life. Well, as I know now, she was four when she died. But one day she started talking about her “mean Grandfather”, and her “mean Father”. I had heard her mention them previously in her play, but had dismissed it, because I didn’t understand. We played out these characters with puppets, I just wanted to keep her on the topic as long as I could. Not much came of it, the interaction descended into silliness most of the time. But it seemed important. I remembered one time, long before I had heard Carol’s show, coming into the bedroom after my shower, and seeing my daughter who had been playing quietly by herself. She was pale, her eyes were big, and she was sitting still as if in mild shock, she just said, very slowly, almost in a whisper, “Ooooooh! What…a…MEAN…Grandfather…”

    Part of what helped to get past that point was this. I asked her questions when she first woke up. Also, I was working delivering newspapers at that time. This meant I would wake her up and put her in a car seat in the wee hours of the morning. We would drive my paper route until five or six a.m. and then come home. She told me most of her story in the car during those hours. I learned to ask questions that would narrow down the possibilities. But I had to keep it within the scope of a child’s perspective. What kind of house did they live in? Were they in the city? That question got a prompt response, yes a city with cars. A house? “oh, you bet,” she said in an accent, and very excited. She told me about their big house. She was obviously very proud of it. “You bet” isn’t said much in the South where I am living. So it was a clue. She usually let me ask about two questions a day, right when she was waking up, then she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. So, another time on the paper route, she woke up, I casually asked, “do you know where Canada is?” The accent had sounded like it was from U.P. of Michigan, or some northern part of the U.S. or Canada. I picked Canada because it was the easiest to start with. She started screaming hysterically and said, “No, no, no, no! No, Mommy! There are MEAN people there!” It took at least another six weeks of asking about various cities before she told me it was Toronto. And it was later still it occurred to me to ask about phones and TVs. There were no phones and TVs in all of Toronto, according to her. So, it took a lot of work to get this information! But I was able to narrow down a time frame and a geographical location. And as I showed so much interest, she also talked more freely sometimes. She got excited when Canada was mentioned on TV. She told me how exciting it is that there are trains everywhere (steam engines had just become connected to other cities around the turn of the century in Toronto). She began to tell me about her friends from her past life. She generally volunteered information that was not painful memories. I even learned, one emotional time, that the Grandfather was mad at her for jumping on the bed when he beat her and she died. She had never jumped on the bed, and had preferred sleeping on the couch, living room floor, anything rather than the bed. Now she jumps on the bed, and sleeps in it too. I asked her how many candles were on the cake at her last birthday. Four candles she told me with that far away look in her eyes. She couldn’t tell me how old she “had been”, not quite understanding the question.

    I did a lot of research on the internet to learn more about everything she told me, and this gave me good ideas what to ask next. And sometimes I just did everything wrong. One time I was so insensitive, asking her something, instead of hearing her pain, that she slapped me. She has never done that before. I understood why, and I apologized.

    So you can try to get some possibilities for locations where the name Onya is used, and try asking about those places when your Granddaughter has just woken up. You might get books at the library, or pictures on the Internet. Maybe she will be able to read a map. You might look at historical tools, such as axes for cutting wood. Did they change over time? Can she recognize the one her Papa used? Did they do any crafts at home? Did they sing? Play music? What did the instruments look like? Where did she meet other children? Did she go to school? Did she go to Market? Did she go to Church? Did they have a radio or TV or get a newspaper? Did they have electricity? What things made her most happy in that life? My daughter loves to talk about eating vanilla ice cream at the train station. Your Granddaughter may actually know the city and the year, and be able to tell you, over time.

    Marg
     
  21. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Hi Marg,

    I am so impressed with how much effort you have put into trying to understand your daughter's past. And that she is no longer afraid to jump on the bed is only one sign that you have been doing the right things.

    I have Helena only 1 day a week, so really there is not an opportunity to question her. I was telling her about the different states where she has relatives...Florida, California, Minnesota (we now live in Maine but are from Minnesota). When it came to the Minnesota relatives she twisted her face into a fearful look and said, "Yes, but I don't want to talk about it."

    I did some research on the name. It is Celtic (Aine), or Scandinavian--Aina. She is Swedish on her grandpa Anderson's side. Swedes, Finns, and Yugoslavians (my heritage) moved to northern Minnesota towards the end of the last century to work in the iron mines in that area.

    Thank you so much Marg for your post.

    Marsey

    [This message has been edited by Marsey (edited 09-17-2002).]
     
  22. Veronika

    Veronika Senior Registered

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    Hi Marsey,
    Antother Swedish name is Anja which I think is even more similar to Onya than Aina. J is pronunced differently in Swedish. It should be pronanciated like in Anya, but the A would also be different from the English A and sound like something in between Onya and Anya. The A-sound is supposed to be very long. If an englishspeaking person should pronancate Anja it would sound much like your "On-ya", I think. This didn't occur to me before you mentioned Sweden.

    Veronica
     
  23. Marg

    Marg Senior Registered

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    Ah, she doesn't want to talk about it when you mention Minnesota. Yes, this is a sign. I told my daughter that she was safe because she was in another country and far away. Then I explained that she had died and this was a new life. And that she was safe here, and I would take care of her, and those mean people couldn't get her here. It did seem to comfort her,if it was confusing at first. And now that I have a time frame, I have told her that the Grandfather and Father have died and become babies again. This was even more comforting to her. I guess I can't really say they are babies again, because who knows?

    Perhaps your Helena Rose would be comforted to know she is far away and that man can't get her. And that just as she has a new life, so can her parents. Maybe they will meet again. And rememebr to keep a journal of all these things that she says, to give to her when she is older.

    I was sort of tricky about city names, saying that I was thinking of going to xyz city, do you think it is safe? But my daughter became wise to me and told me they ALL had mean people! Ha! But in time she just told me. For her, she was still afraid I would return her to the Grandfather, or that somehow he would take her from me.

    Marg
     
  24. Marg

    Marg Senior Registered

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    Also, you can try asking questions when she is playing quietly and very focused, it is almost as good as when just waking up. Or just after a bath is good too. But try asking emotioanlly neutral things, like "I wonder if they like music in Minnesota?" rather than going right for painful things like questions about her family. But if you are right on the mark, and it is painful, she will let you know by refusing to talk. My daughter has a special dirty look for these moments! You might ask how many candles on the cake at her last Birthday too. Or what was ONya's last name? Did people call PaPa Mr. Something? (she may not want to talk about this one) Did they have ice cream in Minnesota? Where did they go to get it? to a city? What city? This might be all you need to get some nearby city, who knows. Once you have a city, tracking down the rest should be easy. Something of this magnitude would surely be in the paper! Good luck!

    Marg
     
  25. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Hi to all,

    Marg, you are being so helpful. I will have Helena on Thursday and we will include Anja in our play. As I have said, I am her grandmother and not her parent. I have not felt that it is my place to to into painful memories with her. But when we have spoken of Anja she seems more shy than fearful. I will try your approach and see what happens.

    Veronica, yes your spelling seems to be the right one. Pretty name, isn't it?

    And Tina, thanks for your response. We live not to far from you, up in Boothbay Harbor.

    I am thinking I should buy Carol's book for my daughter (Helena's mom) for Christmas. She has a new one out now?

    BTW, another woman in my daughter's group of friends has children that remember their last life. When one of her three girls was around 2 1/2 she told her mom that she remembered when she was a little girl. As the story unfolded the mom figured out that her daughter had been the elderly lady that she had been such good friends with when she was a little. All three daughters remember a previous life and waiting so that they could all reincarnate together.
     
  26. Galadriel

    Galadriel Senior Registered

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  27. Marg

    Marg Senior Registered

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    Hi:

    Just wonderng how it is going? I have made great progress in my research and nearly have the family details. I have located the city I think probably was the place she lived...and recovered some memories of my own. I was her Mother before and I died in childbirth. I don't remember all the details however. Her memory is still better than mine. I have contacted a museum curator who is researching for me, and I think with all the details, it should be easy to find SOMETHING. I have the last name of the neighbors, and the Grandfather was German. The museum has old archives, newpapers, etc. so I am on pins and needles waiting to hear.

    Marg
     
  28. Marsey

    Marsey Guest

    Hi Marg and all,

    I continue to follow your story with much interest. Perhaps some may feel that the past is in the past and best "forgotten". I suppose you get a lot of that? From what I am seeing in Helena Rose of late it just does not seem to work that way, does it?

    Helena has been more "difficult" of late. I almost wonder if she is approaching the age she was when her parents were murdered. Her mom said she cried uncontrollably the other evening and could not be consoled. Helena said she just did not know why she was crying but just felt very sad. When I had her the other day she wanted me to play the doctor to her doll. I asked what was wrong with the doll, a headache? No, she said, there was blood. Then I saw that she had twisted ribbon around the dolls hands to tie them together (many months ago she told me that her parents had been tied up by the bad man before he killed them).

    So it would seem that though the memories have faded, the emotional memories are still very strong.
     
  29. Marg

    Marg Senior Registered

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    Hmmm. Not a single person has told me the past is better forgotten. Or, if they did, I just didn't hear it! I hadn't even considered that. In my own life, I find that healing comes after full acknowledgement. I am a Certified Massage Therapist, and I have worked with survivors of sexual abuse and violent abuse. It is similiar to what Carol describes in her book. Once the full memory surfaces and the person has a good full bellied cry over it, THAT is when the recovery begins. Maybe what Carol describes is more just that they remember and then they are better, but I suspect people DO go and have a cry privately within a few days of the memory surfacing.

    I think Helana is acting out. She has not "forgotten", I suspect, but merely stopped talking about it. Maybe she does not want to make others uncomfortable? I had some serious talks with my daughter after she opened up to me. We talked about abuse, what causes it, we talked about hard emotional issues, we talked about Samantha Runion, and the Westerfield verdict. She was thrilled with the story about the woman in Indiana who was taped beating her child, and they took the girl away from her.

    I would suggest that when she plays out something with her dolls, or any other outlet, that you look at it as a dialogue she is starting with you. Jump in! Bandage up the doll, go all out and by a deluxe first aid kit and teach her all about bandaging wounds. Contact the local police and ask for training advise regarding how to handle intruders. Get a book from the red cross about first aid. Show her the locks on the doors, and explain why no one can get in. My daughter takes great joy in locks. Another thing that has brought her great joy is her play house. I got her a play house with windows and a door. It is her special place, and she always feels safe there. No matter how fearful she is feeling, she can always go in there and feel safe. She sometimes insists that I come too, and get away from danger. She always goes through the motions of locking imaginary locks on her door.

    I have rehearsed what do to in a fire, and what to do if someone tries to take her, etc. I think it made her feel more empowered.

    She DOES tell me she does NOT want to get bigger. She is afraid I wil die and leave her. I suspect getting through her fourth year will be hard. Maybe she is afraid she will die, or just of bad things in general. So there is some improvement, but other signs of her pain linger. Some days she is just angry and almost like a completely different person. I just do my best. I figure the more we dig up now, the less of a hold it will have on her later.

    What do you think? Is there anything you can think of to help her more.

    Marg
     
  30. Marg

    Marg Senior Registered

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    I just had an awful day, my daughter has had a stomache bug and has been cranky for three days. She is eating bland foods but not ALL better yet. It is really rough when she is sick, she screams and whines and and makes a mess of things she is not supposed to touch. I hope I didn't come across too negative in my post, I am a bit stressed.

    Marg
     

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