Memories of a different kind

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by Speedwell, Jul 18, 2018.

  1. Speedwell

    Speedwell Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    This is something which troubled me as a young adult - which is quite a few decades ago now. I'd reached the end of my schooldays with a fair amount of light-heartedness. The world was almost an empty page on which I would make my way, whether through further studies, or entering the world of work, in some sort of career. However within a couple of years it was as if all the troubles of the world had descended on me. There was an emotional pain, something which is hard to express in words, it wasn't physical. Sometimes I described it to myself using a metaphor, it was as though my head was filled with rocks, but the size and quantity of those rocks would have filled a large building. Contained inside my head, the pressure was crushing.

    Remember, that's a metaphor. An attempt to describe something for which there are no words. But the main thing was, it hurt. Not physically, it wasn't that sort of pain. Sometimes it hurt a lot, sometimes not so much.

    The puzzle though, was the question of why?

    From what I had read, in various places, problems of the emotional kind have their causes in our past experiences. Gradually, I spent time reviewing the various stages of my life. The more recent years were still fresh in my mind, and there was nothing untoward there. The more distant reaches of my childhood, going back to the earliest years, I reached through a kind of self-regression, I found myself exploring my pre-school years as well as my schooldays. And all of it was pretty lightweight stuff. Sure, things hadn't been perfect, but there were no skeletons lurking in the closet, nothing to explain the pain I now felt.

    Thus I turned, slowly, gradually towards the idea of reincarnation, as a possible explanation. You see, my world was built on logic, everything had a cause. I had an effect without a cause. I think nowadays it might be described as a form of PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) though I use the term informally. The question remained, where and what was the 'T' (trauma)?

    I started to imagine that I must have been some sort of terrible person in a past life, but that was a misunderstanding I had at the time, I had vague ideas about karma which were probably unhelpful. Anyway, there did come a turning point, I identified a past-life connection. But for the most part, I didn't have the sorts of detailed memories of the kind which I see described by others. It has always been about an inner state of being, a sense of continuity, rather than what we usually think of as memories.

    There's more, much more. I'm reluctant to go too much into any identifying details, keeping things general rather than specific is what I'm aiming for, at least to begin with.
     
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  2. Spirit Sword

    Spirit Sword Senior Member

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    You are not alone! I have a few strong PL memories to date, but much more of what I have learned has been the material I have gained between memories. Remembering the feeling of being a different person, the ways I thought and who I really was at my core has taught me so much about myself. While memories tend to give more concrete details to both the subject and any discussion partners, knowing about the way your soul is or was, how you felt or thought at a different time can be just as useful to the self-knowledge process. Unfortunately, if one is after answers beyond spiritual growth for its own sake, lack of concrete details can be more than a little frustrating. Have you tried a regression yet?
     
  3. Speedwell

    Speedwell Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Thanks for the reply. On the question of trying a regression, it was something I avoided completely for about thirty years. I already had some certainty over a past life, and didn't want to muddy the waters with something which might not be reliable (well, I don't say it is unreliable, only that I thought it might be). Eventually I tried one of the self-regression recordings from youtube. But I approached it cautiously, rather than diving straight in.

    It was on the third attempt that I reached a state where I obtained something useful. It was though, quite brief, and gave me details of the colour, material and texture of a garment I was wearing. That in itself initially seemed to simply confirm the information I already had. But later I came across information in my research which suggested the material and texture might have been different to that in my regression experience. So now I'm still not sure whether it was useful, did I get real information, or only what I expected to find?

    Some time later I tried the regression tape again, and recalled another, different lifetime. One which was entirely plausible (some sort of peasant or country person in some distant era). The amount of detail and information this time was greater, including a landscape, dwelling and some idea of occupation. But again it could still be simply matching what I already expected - perhaps. I'm not sure.

    But that aside, following on from the account I gave in the opening post above, I reached a stage of some desperation, a point where I felt I could not continue this life without some assistance. I turned to prayer, even though I had no particular belief in any god. By the next day, the darkness had lifted and I began to weep, something which I hadn't done for many years. This continued for days, weeks, even years. There was a lot to be released, and tears was the pathway. Thus I began a process of healing. But simultaneously with this breakthrough, I found a direct match with a nineteenth-century lifetime. Perhaps the most powerful moment, the turning point, was when I found a photograph, the person in the picture was rather older than myself at the time, but it was almost like looking in a mirror. I don't mean a superficial resemblance, certainly the features didn't match in every respect (though some key details unexpectedly did). But it was the emotion, the expression on the person's face, it was the same as mine. That was one of the key insights. After a couple of days, I began to consider I was self-deluded, surely mistaken. But other matches were found - things which I don't feel able to go into here. This pattern went on for some weeks. Every time I doubted and called myself crazy, I'd find another matching piece of the puzzle, as it were.

    That was decades ago, long before the internet and the type of easy access we have nowadays to wide-ranging resources. In the following years, I had other things to fill my time, whether finding work, a career, or meeting new friends. All of this meant the idea of reincarnation faded into the background, I barely gave it a thought for many years. However, what has surprised me is that in the past couple of years yet more details are turning up - thanks to the internet. Information which was simply unavailable to me until very recently. And yet these new pieces fit too.

    One area where I'll admit I was over-enthusiastic (i.e. wrong) was in trying to interpret things in terms of reincarnation as a group. I tried to cast the important people in my then-current life into nineteenth-century identities, and probably was mistaken about most or all of them. Though I'm fairly sure that some of the key people in my life have been with me in past life/lives.

    Thanks for reading this. I realise I've omitted many details, I don't feel I'd want to be too specific. Indeed perhaps I already said more than I intended.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2018
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  4. Spirit Sword

    Spirit Sword Senior Member

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    That is perfectly fine. I aim for a certain degree of secrecy as well, so I understand your desire for vagueness.

    This is a great story. What a winding road it has been which got you to this point. I have done many of those things as well, particularly the feeling of delusion alternating with more evidence. Sometimes, I wonder if I have a disorder, which compounds with my strong imagination. So many things seem too crazy to be true. Spiritual work seems to be a long road which switches between a degree of certainty and total doubt.

    Over-enthusiasm does happen from time to time. Did you consciously try to match people in your current life to similar positions in the past, or did you rely more upon instinct? Certain information can leak in from the subconscious mind, so do not entirely cast your theories aside. Often times, we do return with the same people, but likely not everyone you know now was there in that specific lifetime. I have had the best luck when it comes to identifying people within a regression. Sometimes, when someone shows up in a memory, you know or have a strong feeling about who it is in your current lifetime. I have even had moments where the person's current face flashes over the top of their past one in a memory.
     
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  5. Speedwell

    Speedwell Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    It has been a long and winding road, as you put it. My perspective on these matters has gradually changed over the years. Initially I had thought that perhaps my role in life might be to be completely open, to publicise the discovery I had made as widely as possible. As you can tell, I haven't chosen that path.

    What then is the point of all this? For me it was a very pragmatic, practical one. If you feel a sudden pain in your foot, it might be deeply troubling. Do you need to see a doctor, what on earth is wrong? But when you connect that pain with the fact that you just stubbed your toe on a piece of furniture, it becomes bearable. It still hurts, but you no longer need worry about it. Thus in my case, a deeply troubling time of my life, once explained, was no longer a cause of concern.

    Regarding my over-enthusiasm. Mainly, I was still young (in my early twenties) and was looking for a complete picture. I did try too hard to use logical deduction, based on my natural affinity for maths and perhaps wanting all the loose ends to be neatly tied up. With hindsight, the complete picture entails not just reasoning, but actually living the rest of one's life. Something which is still a work in progress ;)
     
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