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Seeking answers, a person, or a therapist

Thanks Jim... I've been a bit of a mess lately to put it kindly.

I've had varying dreams- recurring dreams that are very cryptic, I've been able to decipher some of it but I do need to dig deeper. I've had dreams where he is speaking to me, but the words are lost as soon as I open my eyes. Dreams of our final moments where we kill each other in vivid detail, that seems to come back in vision as well as dreams as do some of our most.... intimate moments. All basic reminders that I failed at everything and everyone I had devoted that life to, all because I fell in love and I was weak. I've put that behind me for the most part, I would like to find the woman I was charged with protecting in that life. Hopefully she is well, she was like my sister. My hope to find anyone has faltered some- some days are better than others. It's been a very bad few days for hope.
I think I'm going to start carrying around a little notebook, so I can write down my dreams and any flashbacks I get. I'm far from where I lived in those days, feeling a bit displaced. But I hope to visit once things become more clear, maybe if I write it down I can further analyze and meditate on it.
 
I did have a recurring dream from when I was four year's old until I was twenty two. I dreamt of my old love as she looks in her current life during those years. I also had visions of her. These stopped ten years before I met her though.

Its funny you say you fell in love and became weak. I looked at love as a weakness too. I started to really resent my feelings for my old love.

Writing things down is a great idea. Writing tends to clarify things in my experience. I wish you luck with it.
 
Thanks! I recently had a very vivid dream about some very beautiful ruins sinking into water, an old estate. I could smell the damp stones and hear the water, it was so beautiful and sad at the same time. I think it was once his home, I saw him across the water by one of the buildings. His back was turned to me and I couldn't get to him because of the water. Ive been currently researching ruins that for the description in hopes of learning more.
I believe that love can make you weak, but it can also make you strong. I felt like i was wonder woman when we were together, i could do anything. But....i was so blinded and preoccupied sneaking off to see him that i failed. Failed to see what was happening to him, and the imminent threat uprising in his people. I failed. And it cost the lives of everyone I loved and their loved ones too. Makes for horrible dreams and visions to say the least but love and war seem to go hand in hand, it makes a great story.... most of those stories have tragic endings. Love only makes you weak if you let it blind you.
 
That's interesting. If you turn up anything on the ruins I'd love to hear about it Venus.

I thought love made me strong once too, but I went on the rampage through the powerful because of it. I literally saw the gates of hell fighting for my love. The problem with hell though, even if you go there for love...your on your own.

All of my loves happened in times of conflict too. I don't know if I manifested that or if circumstances thrust that upon me though. Maybe its a mixture of both.
 
Definitely! I'm hoping I'll be able to find it and share a picture of it. I have found a few that look similar to the ruins but who knows what stage of decay it's in now. I feel like i need to find it and hopefully be able to visit soon.
I don't know what kind of music you like but Speaking of hell and love, I was listening to Ben Moody's Hold Me Down (and really a lot of his music) when I had my very first vision. It was like he was speaking through the music and it was so intense...and in public so im on a bus sitting there hyperventilating and crying that i just watched us kill each other. Not my finest moment.... But I feel like a lot of people in our position would possibly relate to his music (it's like soft rock that doesn't suck... pretty mellow for my tastes). Either way a lot of his music seems to trigger something in me.
I think when you are a soldier ....love and conflict come hand in hand. You don't get to decide who you love and when you call for them. It just happens .
 
What time frame are you talking about Venus? Centuries?

I listened to Hold Me Down. Its not really my cup of tea but I can see why it resonated with you.

It is awful having visions in public. I haven't had them in public but I have had flashbacks in public. It can be very embarrassing.

I never had visions come to me from music but I can understand why you did.

I never connected music with PL memories in terms of inspiring them but you jogged my memory about an aspect of something I previously posted on this site. I used to writes lot of poetry and I found I could tap into my creative side if I listened to music as I wrote. Music inspired a lot of my poetry even though the actual words came from the deepest recesses of my soul.

I was listening to this song back in 1995 ( although it was the live version off of the Band Of Gypsy's album I listened to. I can't find it but here's the song ):


As I listened I wrote the poem Glory:

http://reincarnationforum.com/threads/glory.7126/

Music does reach into our souls more deeply than most people are aware of. You can see that I even name checked the song in my poem with the choice of weaponry.

Yeah, love just happens. I wish something so seemingly innocent hadn't resulted in so much torment though. Although like you once I get that feeling all is forgotten. Pain has no memory.
 
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Yeah I have to be in the mood for Moody (haha) but you know...when your player is on random, a song starts and all the sudden it's like you're in a whole other time....happens to everyone right!? (Not so much..ugh.) yeah I felt sick the rest of that day...
I'm still trying to work out the time period, it feels and looks like centuries for sure. I have been trying to write down every detail of memories that pop up so i can research more. Everything feels really vague to me. Is that normal? I feel like the few people I've met know exactly what era they were from.... And mine all seem to be centered around a person or people.
Also..love Hendrix (music taste is like me, all over the place) and i thought your poem was extremely well written, and while I don't think i have ever been in a war with guns, it reminds me of my Dad strangely. He talks about Vietnam the way we talk about our past lives, and rarely of course because ptsd is a thing. It still resonates me just the same.

Love is a selfish emotion. We all need it on some level but when it consumes you, nothing else matters. Until you suddenly have a sword in your gut, bleeding out on a battlefield by that very person..... stupid me for not seeing that shift in him. Stupid him for believing I'd betray him first.
 
Here is a topic you may like to contribute to or read:

http://reincarnationforum.com/threads/what-songs-remind-you-of-past-life-memories.4456/

I know the time periods I lived because they are well documented lives so they were relatively easy to validate as being me. With one life however, while the memory isn't vague, I don't know who I was. Its the life I have the least memories of and I don't think I remember enough about it to pinpoint who I was and exactly when it was. I put it out there on this site to see if I could find out but there just isn't enough memory I think. Here is the memory:

http://reincarnationforum.com/threads/a-16th-century-life.7127/

Perhaps if you put something of your memories on this site someone may have feedback?

Hendrix is my favourite musician and thanks for complimenting my writing.

I rarely talk about the battles I remember either. I will say that seeing that much death almost borders on surreal. Its much like being affected by one death but not being as affected by 10,000 deaths because the numbers so much larger it's hard for the brain to process. For me remembering the aftermath of battles is almost Pythonesque in its futility. That's all I really want to say about that.

Love is a selfish emotion in terms of wanting to be with someone but it can also be selfless such as when I risked my life for my love. Loves a quagmire of positivity and negativity. One must take the rough with the smooth.

Do you think your past life was prominent enough to be recorded in history?
 
Thinking about it. I probably came across as unfeeling about battle. That wasn't the case though. I remember surveying the aftermath of the battle of Clontarf in 1014AD just before I died. This isnt recorded in history but I remember it. I saw my son Muchad Mac Briain lying on his right side dead. He was a thin faced man with pale grey eyes and fine lines etched on his features. The left side of his head was opened up and the left side of his face was covered in blood. That affected me, but I had faith that I was doing Gods will and that all this killing was necessary. I was a hard man, ruthless...but I still felt. I just never let my feelings sway me from what I thought was my charge. That's all caught up with me now though. All I remember now is senseless waste.
 
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Goooooodness I've been away. I've needed time to process (still failing and flailing at that :eek:) Anyway I feel like a grade A jerk for ghosting but I've felt like I've been juggling my sanity for the better part of last month. Though my own memories and dreams/visions have faded into near nothingness I'm left with a feeling of disconnect to everyone I know and love- including my own family. Some really intense stuff has happened and I'm feeling more lost than ever- left with really nothing more than those tidal waves you get after a bad break up where you'll be fine one minute and the next second you're hit with such intense sadness and longing you think it will consume you completely.

I can't imagine holding vivid memories like that - I don't remember much of battle other than deaths of a few closest to me, the man I loved, and my own death. I think memories of the things you have seen would effect anyone and I've thankfully come to terms with whatever happened during that battle. You seem to have the most complete memory and awareness of anyone I've met so far and while you may not feel like you've handled it the best you could- you're doing your best to work through it and that's all anyone can do given the circumstances. I've never put much stock in God or religion- however I've always been very spiritual/soulful. There's no way we're alone- something larger than us always seems to have a plan the rest of us aren't privy to, and fate has been a royal ***** (pardon the term.) I don't think you were coming off as unfeeling- rather it being something that like it or not, has been a constant in your life be it current or previous and as a military man it's something you're accustomed to. I believe numbness is the proper word.

To answer the previous question- no, I don't think my life was important enough to be recorded in history. Or it was too long ago to stand the test of the ages, or even perhaps written into legend or mythology somewhere along the way. Cyrus the Great was familiar- not the man I reference- but very possibly related to that era in some way. I still don't have a lot of answers as aside from memories of our deaths, there were many mundane and er.... other intense memories that popped up and finally the complete memory of his face. For so long I could only ever picture his eyes, or his mouth, the scar he had running through an eyebrow, never a completed picture and it always felt like something was trying to block me from remembering it. As I mentioned I'd found an artist who had drawn something similar but it didn't feel quite right. Well quite by accident I found a precise image of his face drawn by someone else down to the very scar over his eye. It was an emotional day to say the least as I'd had a VERY intense happening where I was awake, could see his face, and even heard his voice simply say "You know me." (mental link!?) Thankfully I didn't wreck the car since this happened driving home one night. Since then, things have gone pretty quiet and I'm still waiting to hear back from this artist in regards to her inspiration for the image and I've been writing a LOT.

Love is messy- that is the fact of it. It's never neatly wrapped and tidy but a solid gold mess. Be it traumatizing images of your past children slain in battle, or your soul mate just out of reach no matter how hard you fight, or images of a stranger you've never seemed to have met but you know their face, their voice, their scent, their personality, every scar or expression of their face no matter how small it is you can read it. No matter what, these things are real and they are important. Reason doesn't matter when it comes to love, love just simply is. It touches us all in ways both horrifying and beautiful. No wonder so many of us don't trust it.
 
I feel a disconnect with everyone I know and love too Venus. It doesn't overwhelm me as it does you however. My PL memories do enough of that for me.

I don't remember my childhoods from any of my past lives and I have great gaps in my adult PL memories. I don't remember every detail, but what I do remember is as vivid as any current life memory. More vivid, because they are out of context to modern life, so they've seared more deeply into my brain.

I don't have complete memory or awareness. I'm struggling with the nature of war and my own nature on a daily basis. I am aware of where I've gone wrong though. I also am numbed to violence yet, conversely, at the same time I'm more traumatised by my own violent past than I ever have been before.

I know what you mean about trying to recreate an image you have in your mind. I've tried to recreate the image of Mathgamain, my tenth century brother, a few times, but I can never get his face quite right. This image is close to how he appeared but his features were stronger than the model in the picture:

https://goo.gl/images/pcpZj8

Love had me experiencing some horrifying stuff, me personally, I'd be apprehensive about having feelings for a woman again. I wouldn't trust that things would work out.
 
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I figured you didn't have a complete memory ;) just the most I've met so far. I don't feel like many people have entire knowledge of their PL memories. I feel like it would be easy to start confusing life now with the past in certain aspects now that I've had to deal with a few new memories of people and places. Of course the memories themselves are overwhelming, yours are intense like an opened wound and stinging from exposure and from the sounds of it it's infected your life in this time. The lives you've lived were important- but if you hadn't died when you did it would be the same, it would have ended in trauma. Kind of what I meant when I said fate is unkind- for some reason you're meant to feel this trauma now in this life and gain that awareness of that wrong path and set you on a course to correct it. Probably the most cliche thing in the book, but everything happens for a reason. I'm glad you have this outlet to talk to people who understand on some level, you should continue to write also. That's helped me suppress things quite a bit (not sure how healthy that is) but from what you've shown me there is passion there, and you're really good which shows not only that passion but good writing often comes from raw emotion.

My disconnect comes from feeling out of place- my mother and niece had just come to town and I've always felt like I didn't belong. It's strange to feel so little with them since we've always been close. They say a lot of the people you're closest to were probably associated with your PL - I don't feel that. My best friend that's been with me since Jr High- she recently had a similar experience to me and I'm fairly certain she's the only person I know from that time and she was my best friend then also. I can feel my mind trying to remember but it's like something won't let me and there are several people I long to find. My friend comes from a very traditional Chinese family and she explained that in her culture when you die you're supposed to drink a potion to make you forget your past life so you can start anew in the next. There are those who refuse, or are not given the potion so they can learn the lessons they hadn't been given the opportunity to learn in the next. It was a story her grandmother told her and I thought it was fascinating.

With all this disconnection to the people in my current life- the things I began to realize I was willing to give up for him have been a little frightening to me considering I don't know this person in this life, or perhaps what his own PL memories if he has them are doing to him mentally. He killed me and a few of my friends in that time (probably many more.) I've come to terms that if he hadn't ran his sword through my stomach, I probably wouldn't have stabbed him in the ribs. I was merely keeping a promise as a result of what I had thought was betrayal at the time and he hadn't been in complete control of himself.- It doesn't make it easier, but after many tear filled nights I've come to terms with it and forgiven him. After all, there's nothing I can do about it now. I've attached the image I found several weeks after I finally caught a full glimpse of his face though my mind couldn't pull together more than just pieces of him. I'd found one other image that was close, but this one, though it's not an image of a real person and may still not be 100% accurate is almost spot on. Keep searching, you may find your tenth century brother yet, that image almost looks like an old friend of mine.

As far as women go- I don't think love is hopeless for anyone, not even you :) I think sometimes it just takes one hell of a person to prove that. Your life was so full of things larger than another person, mixed with tragedy. Who's to say there isn't someone in the mix of all of it that that could turn the tide and hopefully ease some of the hurt? I understand the trust issues, it's a hard thing to trust as messy as love is. When it comes to family it's always worth it, romance tends to be messier since the only blood that seems to get involved is our own.
2639f2eb6bc.jpg
 
Well I arrived at reincarnation in an unconventional way Venus. Perhaps that's why my memories are so vivid.

http://reincarnationforum.com/threads/what-did-my-grandma-mean-in-my-dream.3511/#post-100812

My memories have infected my current life. I had no idea how far I'd go until I remembered reincarnation. Now I don't trust that I'm a good person based on my PL and current life memories.

It is true that if I hadn't of died I probably would have felt the trauma. This is the first life that I've remembered where I've lived beyond my battles into peacetime. Its given me time to reflect on my behaviour.

It good you've forgiven him for killing you. I have also forgiven my opponents. I'm personally delighted that I don't have that brand of negativity dragging me down. Your picture there doesn't remind me of anyone I know but thanks for showing it.

I hope romantic love isn't in my future. It may challenge me not to revert back to my old behaviours.
 
He has been the only visitor for me and it's like his face, like someone or something doesn't want me to remember. I had a dream where we were laying in bed, his old one from back then, and speaking but when I tried to recollect what was said it's like someone put their hands over my ears. All I could remember of it was the feeling of warmth and contentment and i didn't want to wake up. It's conjured some darker thoughts but I know better.

Forgiveness is not something I'm good at. It took me weeks and I've come to terms that if I hadn't taken him with me when we died I probably wouldn't have forgiven his betrayal. It was war, our affair was forbidden anyways, and given his military status he wouldnt have been allowed to let personal feelings get in the way of his duty even if his actions weren't driven by a darker purpose. Same goes for myself. I'm sure if he is present with any memory of it today he hasn't forgiven himself.

It's been really hard for me to share much of my experience so far with anyone, the specific memories anyways. I don't know why that is.

It sounds like you had somewhat of a spirit guide at the beginning of your journey, which I'm assuming at this point is reflection with an end goal for your soul's well being. I've said it before but if you weren't a good person you wouldn't be reflecting on life decisions both past and present with any criticism or apprehension. It doesn't make it easier, harder in fact, but you are clearly very self aware and have a journey yet ahead of you.

I know what you mean about infection of your current life. I'm trying not to let it infect mine but again with the disconnect to people and family and obsession with finding certain people and places connected. It's different but I'm trying to do my best to just be me and live the life I've been given.
 
Isn't that warmth and contentment what we all seek? I thought if i could only just make the women I loved content then I could be content, but fighting always got in the way. It does cast a darkness over relationships that's for sure.

I wasn't good at forgiveness either, but my eyes have been opened to a greater truth and because of that forgiveness comes more easily to me. I find it hard to forgive myself though.

Well at least you know it was all about duty. That's something you can understand. I find with understanding comes forgiveness.

I share my experiences in terms of naming my PLs and discussing how them, my souls journey and my life lessons have affected and changed me. With regard to specific PL memories, I do mention some of them, mostly in relation to my current life, but I generally prefer to talk about them one to one. Its hard when your a member of the 'tin foil hat' brigade though, most people wouldn't take my memories seriously.

I hope those visitation dreams were about my souls well being. I didn't react with awe at how happy and at peace my father was though. I got annoyed that we all have to go through death and then we show up patronising the living with riddles. It was hard to embrace my gratitude for our existence when I was so consumed by rage and war.

I hope I'm a good person. I hear sweet people like you and other genuinely nice people like my brother and I wonder if I'm lacking something. I am aware of a great many things I wasn't previously aware of though. I only hope that the end goal is positive.

I'm trying to be just me too. Going to work for me now is like strolling through a meadow in summer. I'm anonymous and just Jim. Do you not find that a relief after dealing with the stuff we have to deal with?
 
Hey.... tin foil hats can be stylish, and functional. I can't think of a function aside from preserving leftovers at the moment but give me time ;) There's nothing wrong with any of it, in fact it makes you interesting. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently. That's why you can come here to speak with folks that understand on some level. I've felt completely insane in moments over the last few months now- my best friend of life, who ironically was my best friend in that life too, flat out told me I probably have a brain tumor and it was potentially making me see/hear things (typical her, I should have known). She was the first person actively involved in my life that I told any detail of it to, and that was her response. Needless to say when she had a dream similar to mine of one of his friends- it felt **** good to have her confess she had a similar experience. People who haven't felt the intensity of emotion, the physical pains of a time and place that have long since passed couldn't possibly understand, and what people don't understand they fear, and shut out or label as crazy. Trust me I've tried to shut out the feeling of his blade slicing through my stomach, or the rush of his blood over my hands when I jammed a short sword through his ribs and had to listen to him beg forgiveness while he died much quicker than myself. Not a pretty sound with a pierced lung.
It's been a rough week, it seems the more I try to tell myself he isn't here, that everything has been stress induced the stronger it latches on. My problem is my memories are hard focused on people, namely one but there are others, and it's hard for me to grasp a time/place and anything I do see or "hear" feels muffled like someone doesn't want me to remember. All I'm left with is crippling sadness, want, and need for someone I can't touch and it's affected everything in my life. Like a huge gaping hole in the fiber of my being, I've always had a sense that something, someone was missing. I have a few clues on places- and I plan on doing a little traveling in the next year or so to maybe find some more answers. Even work has been clouded by it, I work in the city so I'm surrounded by people and all I do is search when I'm not hiding in my cubicle waiting for the next wave of emptiness to hit me. It truly is like a bad breakup on steroids- it comes in tidal waves.
Darkness aside, warmth and contentment- some form of love is definitely something the human race has in common, we all seek it and the lengths we go through to achieve it is astounding. That dream was the most peace I've had in months, I wanted to live in it. People say you can't smell, see color, feel anything during dreams- well I can safely say that's not true or it's the tell tale sign of a memory instead, and it was like he was really there. I only wish I could remember what we talked about. I know he would agree 100% with you on your views of love and contentment- men like you, people like us haven't been afforded to have love without the duty of battle on some level or another. I think I've mentioned you remind me of him. I'm sure I would infuriate him in this life with my relentless attempts to get him to love me, but he shouldn't be surprised, I can be very persuasive. We tried to fight it in the past but when one person is the other part of your soul, it's impossible to stay away no matter what laws are in place.
Anyways, I think that when your father visited you- first of all it didn't sound like you had a chance to mourn him and you were in the process of awakening. That's still fresh for me and I can attest that it's hell. I'm sure the dead when they visit us with messages can only tell us so much and can only guide us so far which is why they are so cryptic. Anger seems to be a natural response, no matter how happy they seem we have a selfish want to have them here with us, and then there is all the budding emotions you've had to battle internally. It just sounds like a chaotic time for you, and that's why they send loved ones- they can handle our anger and they want to burden themselves with our sadness and hard times. That's what loved ones do and they only want the best for us- which is why I truly believe that when you were given this life to reflect, mourn, and deal with everything that had happened, your visitor only had the best interest of your soul at heart.
You Jim, are a good, sweet man. Based on what I've seen here you've had your battles to fight, and I don't know you so maybe you weren't always so kind. That's ok- there are people in my life that were once abusive as all get out and they are now the sweetest most humble people I know. People can change, they are allowed to change and it sounds like you've had someone looking out for you in these more peaceful times and you've been allowed to let yourself be a good person. I'm sure it didn't always feel that way but you're lucky to gain that awareness and allow forgiveness and acceptance seep in when you were all consumed by darkness, war, and blood. You are just as sweet and good as your brother, and me (aw shucks you know how to make a girl feel special) and any other person that has shown you kindness.
 
Everyone thinks I'm nuts. Everyone here in my country believes we only have one life, then we die and are judged. Yet my memories are very real so I know that what they believe simply isn't true.

Yeah, loves always a complicated mess for men like me. It has been for me anyway.

My father did try to help me, I got stubborn and abrasive though, and, partly thanks to what my father told me, I've envisioned hell. Unless it was so I'd change I don't see how seeing such things are particularly helpful.

You need to look beyond your old love to the bigger picture. Once I saw the bigger picture with regards to my old love it changed everything, including stopping me pining for her.
 
The important thing comes down to what you believe and what you know. I think most people from anywhere would think people like us are nuts. I just don't really talk about any of my memories or experiences with anyone outside the forum and a family friend that happens to believe in reincarnation as well. I've written my memories into stories, masking it all as fiction to help me see it all laid out, in hopes of finding answers. Oddly enough it seems to be suppressing the memories, I haven't had anything really happen in a few weeks. Sometimes it feels like something might be coming on but it doesn't. More and more now that i have seen certain parts of that life it seems like something or someone does not want me to remember that life. It's frustrating.

I'm trying to move away from him, it seems to have gotten a little better but i don't know if I'm lying to myself or truly moving on. He always seems to be there, and the more i fight it the more present he seems to be. I recently came across someone that could very well be him, he's younger than me in this life, same age gap we normally are but i haven't decided if i should reach out. All i know is i saw him and immediately thought I knew him. Of course i could be wrong. Otherwise I'm just trying to make my current relationship keep working. We'll see. I'm a bit lost still.
 
I don't know anyone that believes in reincarnation Venus. My memories lost their edge when I wrote them down. It was like I'd structured the memories so they became less oppressive.

I wouldn't be frustrated with not remembering. I haven't had a PL memory in over a year now and I'm delighted. I'm sure you will remember what you need to remember and when you need to remember it.

It's not healthy to let past loves even from a current life to encroach on a present relationship. I've loved more than one woman. I had a dream about one of them from years ago only last night and I woke up asking myself if I still loved her since I was dreaming about her. I've found that even when feelings sour something of what I've felt for a woman lingers. I guess what I'm saying is that all lovers, past and present, have import and heft to them. They were very important to me. But if I met another woman she would be just as important to me, moreso, because she is current and present. If I were you I'd focus on that. Just my opinion.
 
You're a wise man :) I've just been trying to focus on me more. And i agree that writing it out has helped almost suppress them. I think my frustration in not having these memories anymore is I want to learn more about the time and place. Not focus so much on the people. I'm contented to let what happens happen in regards to him. I'll always want him, that longing will always be there but it's only the longing for a memory. The writing has drastically helped me cope with the emotional side.
I found a picture of the place in one of my dreams and my best friend and i are planning on going to Greece next year to check it out. (At least I hope so!) I've always been obsessed with Greek/Roman mythology so I guess it's only fitting that one of my dreams took place there.
Trust me there has been enough encroachment on my current relationship without outside influence.....another tale for another time... but I'm mostly just focusing on me at this point and feeding as much light into myself and others as I can. Everything else will fall into place as it should. I'd be lying if I said it's an easy pill to swallow, this is all still pretty fresh for me- but I'm working through it. One day at a time.
I've only been in love one other time than the present man I'm with now, and i was presented with a choice about 12 ish years ago to be with that man or the man I'm with now- I made my choice and often think of the completely different life I'd have now and the different lessons I'd learn from each. I think ultimately the soul wants what the soul wants. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be with my past life love if given the chance, but I'm not seeking it further, that's not fair to the current man in my life.
It sounds like your mind is trying to tell you something if it's made you think of a past love also. ;)
 
Thanks Venus, but a wise man is a fool whose simply learnt something. Even knowing what we know about death and reincarnation we are all still clueless.

I know what you mean about frustration. I'd love to find out who I was in my ( maybe ) 16th century life. I would like more information so that I could pinpoint it, but the truth is what I remember is just more of me acting the bolox through history. I think the universe provides and it will give you what you are ready for when, and if, the time comes.

Well at least you have a picture to go on. I was in my tenth century birthplace last year and it really got me thinking about what that land contained. All the long forgotten lives that are fresh in my memory. Maybe visiting Greece will throw your memories into the light of day?

Its good your focusing on you. I find if one can get their own house in order then the rest will fall into place.

Yea, I'd be really put out if a girlfriend of mine was thinking of a past love and not me.

I know what my mind is telling me about that past love of mine. I've been thinking lately about what an idiot who interfered said to me at the time she was manipulating me and her friends and lying to me. He said "You've told too many people". I said " What? That I love someone? So what if people know?" But I do have a big mouth when I'm annoyed and I don't hold back. I say exactly what was on my mind. Also that past love was very insecure. She was all about her image and what people thought of her. I didn't care what people thought myself, I only cared about being with her.

But lately I've been thinking that, while it is true that she went out of her way to lie and manipulate and spy on me, maybe I was wrong to be vocal about it. I couldn't get honesty from her though which is why I was very vocal about it in the first place, but I've been thinking that maybe my straight talking and honesty is a character flaw? I've broken two confidences about evil and violence while I was frustrated, drunk and on a war footing with my big mouth but I wonder if my aggressive verbalising about that past love pushed her into lying and manipulating. Was I at fault? I'd never broken her confidence though. I'm only human I guess and I get obsessive when I'm fighting. I'm like a bull in a China shop. Sure, even now, I'm writing about that old love on a public forum. Am I wrong?
 
Although saying that, the confidences I broke was about my being incensed at the evils people were committing and my wanting to stamp it out. Now I realise that I can't judge the evils other people do because I'm not walking in their shoes, so I doubt I'd break a confidence again.

I used to have a tendency to brag about the tactics I employed when I was drunk too, in both my current and past lives. Now I'm ashamed of them. I've been humbled. People have called my past lives heroes but the truth is, I'm wasn't a very nice person when I was trying to stamp out evil. Drink brought out the worst of that. Conversely my straight talking and confidence is also what got men to follow me. I guess strengths are weaknesses too.
 
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Isn't anything in excess a weakness? Confidence, drinking, vanity, passion, devotion, love? I think people take too much to heart too quickly. I also know for fact that it's easier to talk to someone else about something than the person it's about. As mentioned you're human. We've all been there at one time or another.... maybe she's saying the same thing about you, she is human and made a mistake. Who knows.
I've felt a lot of guilt since i learned about the man in my past life and the feelings that came with those memories. I was very confident, and vain in that life and I too have been humbled and have the unfortunate problem of no confidence at all which has basically made me a doormat in this life....this is why i aim to be more like that past life incarnation of myself. I don't want to be just like her, just more confident. I've kept a relationship for a long time now but things have happened that i should not forgive and yet here i stay. Once a fool always a fool.

I came across a photo by accident. I was researching something near Acropolis Hill in Athens for a story I'm writing and there it was. I'm excited to explore these past memories and learn more about what they have been trying to teach me.
 
Once a fool always a fool.
I think an alternate perspective is: Small variations on a mistake can gradually lead to understanding how the mistake is made and what alternate choices are more likely to reach a positive outcome.

It's an over used illustration, but consider how many attempts it took to invent a commercially viable light bulb. You could say the same thing to Thomas Edison, but once he hit on the perfect combination he stopped failing.

Self image is far more complex than a light bulb, and relationships can function like the electricity that "burns out" or "lights up" whatever setting you're on right now. Sooner or later you'll make the change that lights you up. Maybe your process will include leaving at that point, but if you leave before you've found out how to light yourself up, you're at risk for walking into another abusive relationship.

Be kind to yourself. You're not a fool. You're just in the process of learning something new.
 
Thank you for saying that Mere Dreamer :) It's been a ride for sure but I think I needed to hear (read?) that...

I've always been one in relationships to be in it 110% romantic or otherwise- loyal to a fault. I was then, and I still am now. That being said I haven't been in many serious relationships because they've all been pretty long...I've been with the same man for a third of my life. Thankfully he's never been physically or verbally abusive (been there, done that, no thank you) but there's a lot that's happened that I cannot forgive, and there's a big gap in trust... we love each other but it's hard to tell if it's real or just because we've been together so long. We have very different views and opinions on what love is and I've put my foot down already- there will be no hesitation when it comes to my own well being. I'm not one to forgive easily- though as I said I've become a doormat due to little regard for myself because my confidence does not exist (I'm also too old for stupid games! LOL) . It did when I was younger- like I was that woman from ages ago who was beautiful, confident, probably vain, but I felt powerful and strong...and I grew out of it. Or it was robbed from me.... either one. The guilt has been hard- but mostly because my soul knows this other man to be it's match. I'd say he probably isn't aware of me but I'd be surprised- he wasn't one to miss a beat on anything and the more I push his memory away the stronger it latches on- even spoke to me oddly enough. I've told myself that was probably a lack of sleep talking... Either way I'm not one to give up and I'd never actively do anything to jeopardize my current relationship until necessary... and then I'd just take the good solid honest way out and do what's best for both of us. I've always put too much stock in this stuff- my friends all used to call me Venus, Aphrodite, or their "blonde goddess" - Not for my appearance but more so because I've always been a romantic to my core and tended to give excellent relationship advice (except when it comes to my own of course... ) but hey...I'll take the nickname. I've always been obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology- explains my tie to Greece I suppose. And I'm known to care too much or love too fiercely. It used to be a compliment- now that I know what I know about my PL... I'm beginning to wonder.

Anyways- I'm trying to definitely focus on myself more and working on finding a balance between the PL me and my present incarnation. Trying to let go of the people from my PL that seem to call out to me at all hours of the night and day and work on finding out about the when and where. If these people end up in my life then I'll be ecstatic- but if not there are people in this life that matter just as much. I don't want to enter the next life with regrets about those new souls that I didn't let in because I was too busy dwelling on the past. Dealing with the void- the aching want is a challenge but I think we all have that to an extent, that feeling that something pivotal is missing from us that we want to find. Writing has helped me immensely and in ways suppressed some of the memories.

I'm ok with being a fool....I was a fool then for different reasons than I am now...each with a different lesson to learn.
 
Hello, new to this forum....not new to past life experiences (at least I don't think so.)

Very recently an ongoing feeling I've had since I was about 12-13 has developed into something all consuming and I'm starting to feel like I'm just crazy. It started with a love for a show and what I thought was a vivid imagination in my teen years. I learned all I could about this show, it's back story, and it's characters and found I knew things about it before I read it if that makes sense. Still nothing more than a child's imagination- but I had developed a true relationship with it's characters. Like a lot of things, this faded to the background as I got older but it never quite left me.
I had always dreamed about the main character and the intense love story that was entwined with her- most girls had Disney princesses and I had this. An alarm in the back of my mind had always sounded that I would not be that fortunate, that I would inevitably relate more to a different character and it seems I should have listened. I would be here for a year explaining how this all relates, but I don't want to do that to anyone that has to read this. I've always been told that there is usually some truth behind myths and legends, which is what this show was based on to its very foundation- so no I am not claiming some show I saw when I was a kid to be real, or the characters or story within it real, but the parallels to what I believe to be some very strong past life flashes appear to relate.
It started with a recurring dream when I was younger, a somewhat modern but very old setting, and a battle being fought. The most vivid imagery I could remember was finding a safe haven with friends in a cabin in a forest near a field, walking out of the cabin to a clearing and facing the Moon, only for it to be covered with red and I drop to my knees sobbing and screaming. I had this dream several times a month, sometimes week and never understood it despite the many dream workshops and studies I had attended. But I always woke up sobbing, heart pounding.
Since that young age I have always had empathic tendencies especially regarding romantic love and sexual feelings. I have always been searching for someone too, a very specific someone but I had yet to awaken those memories. Now that somewhat of a background has been established I can move on to current events.
I've always had flashes, strange flashes of old battles, of romantic sometimes very intimate moments but they were never too vivid or powerful just strange and often between two people. The woman I have identified myself with didn't look too much different than I did in my teen years, just much more beautiful and powerful, a warrior. As these flashes have developed, I realized they centered around a soul mate of sorts. He had pale, almost silver long hair, extremely strong and piercing light eyes and was much older than me but not old by any means despite his hair color. The messages get jumbled as recently during the most unexpected moments of my day, powerful almost dreamlike (though I am awake) visions play out accompanied by the most intense emotions I think I've ever felt. I feel love for this unknown person, a sense of forgiveness, and I can never get a clear image of his face. But in these visions we have killed each other on battlefields (I have felt the stab wounds), and shared an intense love, and fierce betrayal. I am left with an all consuming want for this person and I don't know how to handle it. I have told myself I'm just crazy many times, but it doesn't stop that feeling in my chest or stop what I can only imagine are memories from happening.
I've had dreams or visions almost like this as well where I believe I was a ancient Japanese warrior in feudal Japan, the dreams come and go and i can only remember pieces of them but what i do remember is very vivid
 
I've had dreams or visions almost like this as well where I believe I was a ancient Japanese warrior in feudal Japan, the dreams come and go and i can only remember pieces of them but what i do remember is very vivid
There was a dream I had where I had a assassination attempt on someone where I had positioned myself in the top of the castle directly over his bed and by drilling a hole in the flooring and dripping poison down the string into his mouth trying to assassinate him but i was so i started googling things to see if anything came up and it did! There was a Japanese warrior by the name of ishikawa goemon. That tried such a thing and apparently failed
 
That's pretty crazy!!! My life from what i can tell was not relevant enough to go down in history. My memories started when i was very young and yet i have very little detail of the time and place or who i was. But i could tell you nearly anything about my soul mate, my best friend (she's the only one I know in this life...she's still my best friend and while she's open to reincarnation she basically called me crazy which i should have expected) and the family I served. I was female and a warrior which was surprisingly not uncommon from what i remember. The only time period I could find anything on female warriors was under Cyrus the Great. But I can't say for sure that was accurate yet.
 
My old love certainly took everything to heart too quickly. She rather lied and manipulated than be honest with me so I had to talk to other people. Having someone you love behaving like that is a torment. I doubt she regrets it though. She would rather hurt everyone else than be hurt herself.

I don't know anything about your current life relationship Venus but that its not healthy to engaged in off balance relationships. If its not about mutual respect its not worth it. That's what that past love of mine taught me.

I hope things go well for you with your PL. Its only my more recent pls where I can fully verify locations from memory. Much of even my tenth century life doesn't exist now, is built over or has 'new' buildings added to it ( later on in the medieval period ). Greece should be interesting.
 
Oh I've been away too long! I'm hoping Greece will be a thing, joys of a single income household... anyways I've now had potential connections to cliffs in Ireland so I'm torn on where to try and visit.

I wish i could say things have gotten better in all aspects but not much new to report... same notions, same want and longing... trying to get out of the rut but it's hard when you don't know what you're looking for and all i have are vague images and the image of a man that probably doesn't look the same. All i know is the emotions are stronger and I get to deal with bouts of ugly crying. :(
 
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