From the time I recognized the dress that came from the trunk in the attic of the historic home I was visiting, I had more and more memories of this lifetime. For some reason, I did not immediately recall the time on the Titanic but life in a Colorado gold mine town where I grew up. I still remember it. There was an active mine, the men worked hard, but there was also teamwork and togetherness and sharing. Unlike the depiction of what we think the "old west" was like. This was a settled town that was there long after I left.
I had been overseas with another family member when I received notice that a family member at home in the U.S. was ill and I thought I should return. I was not supposed to come home yet so had to make new arrangements. My relative decided to continue to travel and stayed behind. I made plans to return home and booked passage on the Titanic. I had to transfer some major purchases to the ship such as dishes and jewelry. Some of those dishes are on the bottom of the seabed today. They have a typical pattern of the time - white with tiny blue flowers. I liked them especially well because unlike some of the others, the cups had a drop of gold on the handles. I did not file for the loss of the dishes but did claim for the jewelry once I returned home.
I was traveling alone on the ship but knew others who were sailing and was definitely not shy. I loved my husband and wished that he would support me more in my efforts and also travel. He preferred to stay at home and live a quiet life. That was the huge difference between us and I suppose the gap that separated us although we never left each other completely....ending up as what I would call close friends. I had such a deep passion and following to make sure women were treated with respect that I knew this had to be in the forefront of my journey in that life.
I believe I was actually playing cards with an elderly male friend when the great ship was struck. I was aware something was wrong but did not feel fear, just an element of concern. I recall that I was dressed warm and loved broad brimmed hats covered with decorative flowers or ribbons and such yet all dark in color. The one I had on that night was extra heavy on my head. I also had a fox wrap that had a large broach where the fox connected at the tail and also wore one of my favorite necklaces - jet. I can't recall what earrings I might have had on. I remember walking out on the deck and being placed in the lifeboat and don't believe it was completely full. We were lowered into the sea. There was a crewman there to row us off into the distance where we stopped long enough to listen to the horrific sound of the ship as it broke in half, made deep groaning sounds and sank to the depths. All I could hear then were screams of people floating in the frozen sea. Our lifeboat was not full and I was determined to go back so stood and shouted at the crewman to turn around - he would not. In fact, he was in some kind of shock himself so he put the oars down and moved to the back of the boat. Some of the women just sat and stared straight ahead. I sat down between the oars and asked for help. We were too far away from the area where the Titanic went down now and the voices were fading so more than one of us - women - helped to row away in the dark. I believe that helped us to keep warm along with the trauma - I did not feel the cold.
I returned home and decided I had to make something of my life by increasing the awareness of what women meant to society aside from playing hostesses to their husbands business parties, attending required society approved for women meetings such as church gatherings and so on. It was time for women to have a say politically and otherwise. This would not be an easy direction to go but I was determined and I had survived for a reason so the rest of my life had to mean something. I did not think like others for this time period. I realize I was very outspoken.
Back to the present....I was obsessed with visiting the Titanic traveling museum so when it arrived in St. Petersburg, FL I planned to go. I could not get my best girlfriend at the time to go with me. She knew I did not like to drive the highway alone but I didn't care. I finally called my mom and sister and they agreed to go at the last minute. This tour was run so only 8 people walked through carrying a radio and earpiece so each could listen independently to each display on their own time. There was no crowding and there were several floors to cover. We reached the top floor when I was looking into a glass case holding a life jacket brought up from the seabed when suddenly I felt the floor rock underneath me. I looked at my sister and mom not noticing anything different about them. I then heard screaming - well my first thought was this sound was possibly coming from our radios. This made sense. However, the floor was heavy cement and could not have rocked. I then noticed my sisters face, pulled the earpiece away and asked her if she heard the screaming - both her and my mom said yes. We heard it without the radios on. I began to look behind the curtains in the corner and asked the other 4 people in the room if they heard it too. They all said no and looked at me as if I had lost my marbles. I thought the museum had done a terrific job of replicating this dark, most frightening night in history for us to experience. Not the case at all. We were the only ones feeling it.
Just off to the right was an open-air balcony, sky filled with stars, ice cold night and the deck to match that night. I walked outside, spotted the iceberg floating in the sea and the screams became even louder. I was thrown off-balance by a jolt under my feet. At the same time, my sister and mom were knocked into me. We were all frightened and the tour for us was over. We went back down the ramp to the store, did some shopping and I drove the hour and a half home. My mom and sister have no explanation regarding their experience that day with me. I feel they either had shared the experience with me or there was a time slip allowing them to know what I had gone through.
These are some of my memories of that lifetime so special to me now. Why do some of us have this recall? I wish I knew. I know some will ask if I am afraid of water or ships - the answer is a definite no. I have taken cruises with no fear at all. I have spent many years in the water and under the water in ways many would not consider even if they had not been where I have been. I am a bit of an adventure seeker, still love to travel but have slowed down now and must say that I know inside - if it was my time to go, if my contract is up, it wouldn't matter what I was doing, I would have to say goodbye so I might as well do what I am called to do and enjoy it.