A police sergeant's memories

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by Tinkerman, Jul 24, 2004.

  1. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I can't say I came here because of any one book, thought or desire. For the past twenty years I've been searching for answers to the reels of dreams and thoughts that scrambled around in my head. As a police sergeant in a major city I was surrounded by the social hysteria of living. Watching, participating and intervening in peoples lives on a daily basis fueled these thoughts of "other places and other times". BUT it frightened me.

    In my close-nit world of friends, family and coworkers this type of thought would be a good case for a visit to the shrink. Never-the-less I was haunted in dreams by this maddening saddness and sense of loss. Thinking it a byproduct of the work environment and some particularly gruesome experiences I blamed work and hid from it all. After retiring to the plains of Kansas I met a person that instantly forced all of those years of repressed dreams to flood to the surface.

    This time, in a more serene environment and with heartfilled prayers I asked for guidance to understand it all. Over the past five years I have come to know who I am now and who i was in other lives. The process took me to Colorado Springs and a very, very beautiful Doctor that regressed me to the life that was so, so near the surface of my heart. I understand it now. I'm overwhelmed at the beauty of it all. And I'm lost in all of what can be learned from it.

    The intense saddness of that life in 1906 is as real to me today as it was then. But I have been truely blest to have been reconnected with that person. To explain the emotion and the passion of the moment of recognition would take the talent of Thoreau. Needless to say my long journey of discovery brought me here. I have encountered dreams, memories, physical markings, photographs and much, much more to validate the reality I so skeptically sought. I am not just a "believer" I have a knowing beyond this time and place.
     
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  2. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    Welcome

    Are you familiar with the book Looking for Carroll Beckwith -A true story of a Detective's Search for his past life?

    He is the commander of the homicide branch at the Indianapolis Police Department. I find your experience very interesting..may I split your post into a new thread for discussion?
     
  3. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Yes I have read the book. It was given to me by the same Dr. as above. She saw the similarity and knew the author. And yes you may "split" this if you will. I am happy to have found a place to share these things. There are so, so many details of my own past, that I am only now fully comprehending the beauty and paradoxically the saddness. As time goes on I look forward to discussing it all.
     
  4. catseye

    catseye Senior Registered

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    Tinkerman,

    I look forward to hearing more of your story. I think the one thing that truly validates a past life is that it is a combination of beauty and sadness, but that is the nature of life.
    welcome.
    catseye
     
  5. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    In my journey I knew that I died from a heart attack. It was Easter Sunday. Family lore said I died while talking on the phone and being struck by lightning. I knew this wasn't right. Research showed on the death certificate and newspaper clippings from the historical society that it was indeed just a heart attack. But years prior to this, and way before any "crazy" ideas of reincarnation surfaced I went to the emergency room with all the symptoms of a heart attack. This happened twice over a period of ten years. Each time the doctors saying I was fine and it was just "stress". It was real to me, pretty frightening. But as all of this Past Life knowledge unfolded it made tremendous sense. And then when the doctor regressed me to that day and the crushing pain in my chest, the inability to breathe, the falling and then the quiet. I looked upon myself and felt sorry for the old guy.
     
  6. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    Hi Tinkerman,

    I am hoping you will discuss more of your experiences. I have been so busy lately - I cannot keep up on the forum. But I think new members might be interested and I for one- always am.

    After your regression - did you still experience heart trauma or did the sensations stop? I am curious as some people find that once they know the reason why the pain, fear etc. - the trauma ceases.
     
  7. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hi Deborah,

    I know what you mean by keeping up on the forum. It is difficult but I'm sure you guys must have a better system than I.

    Since the day I first wrote to CPL forum I've had a lot of time to think about my "case". The ideas printed here offer so much food-for-thought. I'm struck by the peace and kindness everyone shows. You have no idea how comforting it is to have so many faceless souls out there supporting and understanding such a complex issue.

    Regarding my story; it is hard to know where to go with it or what to do. I know the purpose of it is somehow very defined. By that I mean the number of "coincidences" or synchronizes, the vivid dreams (both day and night) and the level of emotion evoked could only have come from some grand design. It is as if my minds eye has another chamber of memories...so real I can remember smells and tactile textures. I know the feel of horse reins tight and restless in my hands.

    But the greatest feeling I had, and honestly never knew what was happening, was when my chest was crushing in on me and I couldn't breath. I was taken to the hospital twice for possible heart attacks. Was it real? I tell you what, in my head and chest it was every bit real to the point I couldn't catch a breath. Doctors could not explain it. Stress tests showed my heart so strong and healthy that they say I went to a level some athlete can't get to.

    The last "heart attack" came here in my home town after we moved out of the city and I retired. There was no reason for it. But this was at the exact time I was searching for answers to my fixation on a grave at the cemetery. And at the same time I revealed to my dear friend a dream I had about a woman with a birth mark on her back. As I spoke about the dream she quite matter-of-factly said "I have that birth mark". But I didn't think she understood I was talking a rather large one on the lower center. She replied it was hers. Not knowing what to think or believe, I certainly wasn't going to ask for proof, this person would not joke or make up something like this. It was here that i realized that what i was thinking, dreaming and living was very real and I needed some help. That day I looked for books on the internet about reincarnation. I bought four immediately. One of them that caught my attention was Brian Weiss Many Lives Many Masters. I devoured it. And immediately looked up IARRP on the internet to see if there were any near me.

    Skeptical and afraid I emailed the lady and learned she was a doctor and a counselor. She was wonderful and so understanding i made an appointment and drove 6 hours to see her. She eased my fear and spent the good part of a day telling me about reincarnation, souls, and regression therapy. The following day I returned and went through it. To say the least I was overwhelmed at what lay below the surface of this guy I looked at in the mirror everyday.

    I saw two lives. One very ancient and the other as my great grandfather. The dreams I had over the years were recalled in great detail, like perfect memory's. The details and places even more vivid. There were new memories recalled but when she asked me to go to the day i died it was incredibly real. I was old, seventies, others had gone to easter Sunday mass...I left my room, walking through the living room, suddenly my chest seized in a crushing, locking pain that stopped everything and I remember falling hard and my forehead slamming into the floor. It was over in a whisper and I was looking down at myself feeling pity for the old vessel.

    The whole regression was an enlightening, spiritual, surreal, heavenly event. I want to go back but not sure why or what purpose it is for me to do so. And no i have never again had chest pains. When I put the story together it made so much sense.

    My dilemma now is that I live in this life near several family members from that life. My wife in that life died tragically with two of our children, in this life she is my dear friend with the same birth marks, face, dimples, hair etc etc etc. She told me of a brief memory of our room in that house but remembers nothing more. Her fact about the location of the room was another uncanny piece of the puzzle. It seems the sadness and longing are main themes in my life now. But that is another story. Perhaps the lesson I chose to live out here and now.

    Thanks for asking.
     
  8. Eevee

    Eevee Administrator Emeritus Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hi Tinkerman,

    Thanks for sharing more details of your story. About the other life you saw,the ancient one, do you feel those memories also have some significance in your present life? Love to hear more.


    Eevee
     
  9. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    HI Tinkerman,

    I cannot say we have a great - or secret system. *S*S*S*S I tend to just follow my intuition. ;) I remembered your original post and noticed you had not gotten a lot of replies. One thing I have learned here is -"no questions - no answers." Your experiences are very interesting, and I know for a fact many members and guests just read and HOPE you and others will continue to share.

    Thank you so much - for elaborating more about your experience. The forum is for sharing - and although many find it difficult to make that first post - some do and never return. I noticed - you have stuck around, and I am glad you have. :) Moderation tries real hard to make this a safe and comfortable place to be. I am so glad to hear - you have found this to be true.

    You mentioned that you want to "go back." Go back to that life time or back to where you lived before? Could you clarify that for me?

    Like Eevee, I am also interested in your ancient memory.

    Do you believe in "Themes" and if so - why? The term - seems to hold a "dilemma" for you.
     
  10. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    In sync!

    I am smiling very big right now at the timing of signing on as you post. This morning has been hectic and I just now could break free for a few minutes.

    Regarding the "ancient" life. I was a wondering holy man of some sort. Very dirty and unkept in appearance. It seems I walked great distances with no specific destination. I stayed with people who needed me. I was a healer of some sort. Not mystical or magical but I had "common sense" or the ability to set a broken leg, to administer herbs etc. I spoke to people about God and the need for spirituality. When finished in one place I moved on.

    The earliest memory I could recall was walking with my family as a youngster 7-8 years old when our tribe/clan came under attack from another group. My mother hid my brother and I in the woods. We survived but the rest of our family was gone...killed or captured. We couldn't find them. We wondered to some port city that I saw as along the mediteranien(sp?) but can't be sure. There my brother and I lived as homeless kids doing odd work to survive. My brother left on a boat to work and never returned I began walking.

    The final memory was my death. I came into a village and a drunken soldier was beating and harassing a peasant man as 3 women watched in horror. I walked up to him without hesitation and told him to stop. Without hesitation he swung a large blade at me and cut a gaping wound across my shoulder to the back of my neck. I collapsed and as I lay on the ground watching the women, I was hurt by their horror. I seemed to look at each one with an intensity, like I was connecting to them and prayed for them a blessing. The other man was killed too. I died quietly and without pain in minutes and then rose up, seeing the body of this hairy dirty man I'd just been.

    Eevee the significance with this life is that I do still seem to jump into messes when the odds are againist me. As a cop it was part of the job that came natural. The safety of others combined with the compassion inate within me just cause me to react. An example that still sticks with me: i was on a fishing trip to Canada. We stopped for gas in a rather seedy neighborhood. A young woman 17-18 was being harassed by two young punks who obviously weren't going to let go and were so brazen that they didn't care people were watching. The look in her eyes, the fear, the helplessness snapped something in me. I've been called a gentle giant at 6'7..but the warrior arose in me from out of nowhere and within seconds I placed the fear in their heads. It wasn't pretty but it was resolved to the point none of us will forget it.

    The other part of that ancient life was the spiritual end of it. And it too has been almost thematic in this life. I know God, i feel Him and I know He is with me. I was at a Promise Keepers convention in Denver several years ago. 65,000 men gathered in prayer. As one pastor spoke he talked of sacred ground and how in ancient times when people walked on sacred ground they removed their shoes. As he spoke i remembered this from that life..i remembered how important that was to me. The pastor then told the men gathered that we, 65,000 men, are gathered here in front of God and the magnitude of the gathering made it sacred ground (Mile High Stadium). He very silently said "Men remove your shoes you stand on sacred ground". It was an unbelieveable experience as if I was bridging time to the ancient days as Michan.The silence in the air was infinitely holy...spiritual.

    QUOTE: "You mentioned that you want to "go back." Go back to that life time or back to where you lived before? Could you clarify that for me?"

    Well what I meant was that i would like to be regressed again. But my problem is that i want to go so that I may see her again, see the days of our youth again, hold my young son Peter again. I never resolved in that life their death. Their memories are so apart of me today. The woman is beyond any doubt in my mind my soul's other half. The complexity of living with these memories makes me sad, yet as I have said before it gives me so much hope knowing she is so near. And by the way so is that son in that life Peter...he is my son now also. I was given a photograph of young Peter before he died in 1906 AND before I knew reincarnation. One day my sister came to me white as a ghost and said "Tinkerman look at this" she was holding the photographs of my current son and Peter side by side...they are completely identical...as if the faces were simply interchanged. Peters was taken in 1905, this son 1995. This was another of the stepping stones that pushed me to search. But there were many more.

    I've rambled enough. Hope I answered your question. Peace
     
  11. Eevee

    Eevee Administrator Emeritus Staff Member Super Moderator

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    You said in the past life you died being in your eighties - a respectable age. Did your wife in that life, and the two children, die long before you? Do you think this is the reason why she and the son you recognized are back in your present life? Unfinished things? Did you ever find peace in your PL about their deaths?
    Your story is so full of emotions, and I have the feeling there is much more than you shared already?
    Do you have a diary or so about all the images, emotions and everything that came to you in the regression and the memories? I feel it would be wise to be at peace with all that you already remember, before you try another regression, because I think it will be very emotional again.
    One other thing : did your son ever remember anything from his former life where he was also your son? Does he also recognise your friend as his PL mother? So many questions, I know, but your story is so interesting !


    Love,


    Eevee
     
  12. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hi Eevee, I was actually 70 when I died in that life 1934 to be exact. Yes it was a good long one. My mate and children died in 1906. She was only 31, the kids 4 & 7. And they all died within two weeks of each other. One dream i had was of telling my sick wife that the 4 year old had died...it was terribly sad. For some reason I don't remember, or I've blocked the death of 7 year old Johanne. And the death of my wife is as clear in my mind as what I had for supper last night. After their deaths I remember leaving the farm and two of my remaining children. They were cared for by my mother in law and other family. I was so crushed, I wondered around the countryside lost...cursing God. I remember spending a couple of weeks in some kind of resting home or sanitarium, i do not recall too many of the details. I returned home about a year later. Some day when i get time I hope to research the records of hospitals etc to see if there are any records of this.

    I am sure I never resolved their deaths in that life. The love for that woman was infinite and powerful. I never really knew how much until the story unfolded. The whole idea is so mind boggeling and enormous I loose track of time! I sometimes don't know when things happened or the order they occurred. Over so many years they all run togeather and often its too overwhelming to deal with. YES, I wrote a lot down long before I had the regression. I have a journal from when I was 18 years old with some uncanny thoughts relevant to this. The doctor in Colorado recorded the sessions and I have those tapes. I've listened to them only one time they are very emotionally powerful. I've been encouraged to write everything out...and I think I will but just haven't found the strength or time to put it all togeather...I will!! Soon I hope.

    My son in this life doesn't remember any of the other. I've not told him anything about it. I think it best he live this life. It would be a lot for him to deal with. Although I have spoken openly with him about reincarnation itself. I just don't want to taint his family bond in this life with his mom. When he is an adult I'll tell him some evening as we watch the sunset. By the way he and "his mother from the other life" know each other well and had a special friendship.

    You are correct in that there is a lot to the story. Some too personal to go into...but I will write about someday. Its a story I want my adult children to know. It is so beautiful and joyous yet sad. I have a good grip in it right now. I often sit on my favorite bench and loose myself in those memories. they are a gift.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2018
  13. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Where else is there to go? The options are to muddle on through life in some kind of blind stupor or be apart of it. I feel very blest to have this knowledge but at the same time awed at what it is suppose to mean and what I'm suppose to do with it...if anything! There are reoccurring themes I can't ignore; the greatest is the incredible-infinite love of another person, trust and compassion. Today is an incredibly powerful day spiritually...I can't explain it...i feel it. And this is apart of my story.
     
  14. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    HI Tinkerman

    I have been reading along, with interest as always. There is something very genuine - in your posts. You speak from the heart, not the head. IMO you reflect your moments of joy and pain with integrity. What you share here with others is valuable - for them, for me, for you.

    Our culture has lost its great grandfathers stories, of life - and the struggle, tribulations and joy. Our culture has forgotten the power of one persons experience shared around the campfire. We learn from each other. When experiences are shared from the heart - it cannot help but touch those who hear it.

    Everyone who comes to CPL - is looking for something. As we reach out and connect with others, we find affirmations, sometimes friendships and most important ourselves.

    Namaste Tinkerman - I am thankful you have been so willing to share your experience, your heart and yourself. I do believe - you are doing - what you are supposed to be doing -"with it."
     
  15. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    I don't know if this is appropriate here so please forgive me.
    I want to say that I am grateful for all those who contribute here as I have nobody in my everyday life I can talk to about reincarnation. I am afraid to pay money for contributions or go for regression or even buy books, all because I don't believe for one moment that my imediate family would accept it and I can understand why, to a point. Because of these things I sometimes feel walled in so I am thankful to the providers of this site and hope that one day I can repay them.
     
  16. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member

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    I agree, thanks to everyone who posts here. To some it is a lifeline in a world where those who believe in reincarnation are believed to be crazy.

    Your posts are fascinating, and I love reading the interaction between the posters.
     
  17. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hi Hammy...sorry I've been out of touch for a week or so. NO this is the right place to say what you did...because I completely agree with you. These aren't routine ideas in todays society and to bring them to light with OR without proof is bizarre. It is very clear to those who are close to me, my immediate family, that I believe in reincarnation. It is they, who for so many years would say "you were born way too late" or "you should have been born a hundred years ago". Believe me this was common and I can't tell you exactly why. I feel that so much of that life was so intense and that my soul is so "conscious" the vail of Lethe could not contain it. It is easy to feel walled in. But the library is full of good books to research your beliefs.

    For me it is not so important anymore to find some factual basis for reincarnation. That point is mute to me. As I accepted it originally, so much made sense. I also have no desire to sensationalise it to anyone...but I do want to talk about it with other believers and this is the place to do it. I think it important to document the whole process because I want others to know and understand it is not a bad thing. Some other thread talked about "coming back being bad...why would we want to do that...etc" to me that is not an issue. This life although sad beyond measure it is none the less life. Thomas Moore wrote a book recently out called "Dark Night of the Soul". In it he talks about how our dark days are a part of who we are. We can hate them, curse them, run from them, deny them or we can live and accept them as a part of who we are. Sadness is a teacher, it strengthens the soul. I encourage all to read it.

    Well I've rambled enough...I hear a calf bawling for some attention...kinda like all of us, just needs some warm sustenance and a guiding hand.
     
  18. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    Thanks Tinkerman I appreciate your supportive words. I am out of touch with a particular friend that I could share thoughts with and am finding it hard. For some reason or reasons I feel like I am waiting to break out, that's the best way to put it, and am slowly learning how to although I'm still almost rudderless. This site allows me to focus my thoughts more and I'm grateful to those who set up and run it.
    Hammy.
     
  19. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hammy, sorry it took so long to write back "tis the season"!! It was funny how you used the word rudderless...that is exactly how I told my friend I felt. Very accurate! It seems that that ebb and flow of living had no reference point regarding reincarnation. It's not something you casually approach your pastor and talk about! I hope you make contact with your friend again. The best Christmas present I recieved was a moment alone with my soulmate...earnest conversation and a knowing-reflection in her eye sent my spirits soaring beyond this time and place.
    Peace & Joy!!
     
  20. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    Thanks for replying Tinkerman and I hope you had a good christmas.
    Ruderless is sadly a word that has fitted me well for quite a few years. I have not been unsuccessful or had a particularly bad life, in fact I am very lucky when compared to many.
    My problem lies within myself. I feel as though many things are missing or just don't fit and it drives me nuts. It's like I'm waiting for the 'right time' and that worries me because my life is going by without me making the most of it. I suppose I need to pull myself together and get on with things but it's easier said than done, oh well :)
    Hammy.
     

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