Just a little boy

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by Hammy, Feb 7, 2005.

  1. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    It has taken considerable courage to post this and a little help from a certain form of liquid.

    A couple of days ago on another thread I alluded to new memories of a past life. Now I must share.

    For as long as I can remember I have been subject to the most horrific nightmares that I learned to control. Very recently I have discovered the main if not THE cause. I have become aware that I have had something LOCKED inside me that I could not face and now I know what it is.

    About 3 or 4 days ago I was half asleep when I started to see myself as a young boy being loaded onto a train. It was just a goods wagon of some sort without windows and I was loaded without my family, I have no idea where they were. I am certain I was 7 years old.

    When I became aware of what I was seeing I immediatley started the blocking process but this time it was too late and the MOST horrifying memories came back that I recognized instantly.

    My name was Demitri Petrovski or Petriovski (the name came to me the following day) I was living in Germany I am sure during the second world war, my parents presumably moving from Russia many years before (I was born in Germany I believe).

    I was sent to somewhere, I do not know where yet, and was used for experiments. I was tortured and brutalized and basicly used for whatever the 'doctors' wanted.

    We were a good family and I can not understand why they did this. I trusted them and kept trusting them until they drove me mad. They would taunt me and tell me my mumma (not a Russian or German term) could not help me. They taunted me when I cried and found my suffering funny. If one of them showed compasion I believed them and then I was always let down.

    They did things to my WHOLE body for I don't know how long but it seemed like weeks. between their fun I was kept in a tiny compound with another boy who I had a vision of cowering when he saw me and knew he was next.

    I died at their hands and before I died they taught me two things; UTTER hatred and UTTER terror.

    I think I was sent to Poland and was murdered in 1943.

    A number came to me; 33188990 but what this means I do not yet know.

    I am in the process of coming to terms with this and am terified by the knowledge that locked in my mind are everything they did to me and how it felt.

    I am grateful to the dearest person I know, who is, with the help of others, getting me through this and that person knows who she is.

    I promise that if and when i find out more I will inform you all.

    I hope this made sense because I needed a drink to help me get through it.

    God bless and thank you for reading,
     
  2. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    Have you seen the following Hammy? It was posted by Veronika.

    There are a lot of simularities in this thread to your memories.
    ((((((((((((Hammy))))))))))))))
     
  3. KarenF

    KarenF Senior Registered

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    ((((((((((((((((Hammy)))))))))))))))))

    The fact that you do have the courage (even if slightly lubricated) to face this memory of unconscionable acts and unimaginable suffering -- and to share it with us -- speaks volumes!

    I think not only will you get through it, but you will get through it fairly fast.

    1000% of my sympathy is with that little boy that you were.

    Why they did this had nothing to do with you, or who you were, or how good your family was, etc. It was their own sickness, the sickness that was the Nazi regime. Kids have a tendency to take things on themselves, though -- as do adults, for that matter, but kids are even more vulnerable to it -- but that doesn't mean that such abuses actually are their fault.

    My guess re the number is that it was tattooed on your wrist. They did that.

    Keep going, keep letting out the emotions, keep making use of the support of your dearest person, plus us on the forum. There IS an end to this -- you WILL come to terms with it -- and when you get there, the nightmares will quit.

    You're doing amazing self-healing work!

    In love and healing,
    Karen
     
  4. Klarry

    Klarry Senior Registered

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    Dear Hammy,

    Thankyou for having the courage to post what are obviously terribly traumatic and disturbing memories. I am sending you a big mental hug and all the healing vibes I can.

    I feel sure that you will have the strength to work through these painful memories and transform that pain into spiritual growth.

    I was only reading a BBC editorial the other day about Nazi medical testing and found the cruelty and inhumanity almost impossible to comprehend. I can only imagine what effect that must have had on a 7yr old child.

    As Karen said, the number is probably your tattoo....just another way they sought to dehumanise people. It is likely then that you remember Auschwitz as it was only the prisoners there who were branded this way.

    I wish you all the luck and peace in the world to help you work through this. We're all here for you.
     
  5. KarenF

    KarenF Senior Registered

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    Quick thought --

    If people only got numbers at Auschwitz.... then Hammy, perhaps what has triggered you right now is all the media attention on Auschwitz due to the anniversary, etc. ...

    Just a thought...

    Warmly,
    Karen
     
  6. Feech

    Feech Senior Registered

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    I don't know what to say about this story except *hugs* to you Hammy and I'm terribly sorry that anything like that happened to you, or anyone else. :( You're brave to post it, and I'm very glad you're working through it.
     
  7. Eevee

    Eevee Administrator Emeritus Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time now facing these memories, Hammy. It is good to know that there is someone to help you deal with them.
    Take care !


    Eevee
     
  8. sunnyluv

    sunnyluv Senior Registered

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    What a terror! Thanks for finding the courage to share the memory! I have seen dreams where I saw the members of my family and me being tortured--and it was so emotional--was pure, raw emotions! I do remember teasing and constantly let down feelingl; One of the most brutal feelings was that I was asked in the dream to choose between whom they would torture first--my dad or my gradfather; or my grandmother or my mother; It was the most horrible experience to re-live in the dreams;
    Yet, I do not know if that was my past life--I did not see myself other than being myself and I did not get other identity like other name or age or gender for myself; I think it might be in my case my mind's interpretation of horrors of the WWII? Though, who knows?
    Anyway--regarding your post--Demitri Petrovski is a typical Russian name; I would say that in Russian the name sounds like Dmitry, and short name for a boy would be Dima or Dimka--sometimes the short name would be Mitya;
    Any memories of those variations?
    Also, Petrovski--this sounds Russian but could be Russian Jewish name; The number--I heard that all the prisoners of those horror camps would be assigned a number; I do not know how many digits; It is the most horrible dream and memory to be used in experiments--and I can not even imagine the depths of pain--physical and emotional--my condolenses and blessings, and light for you!
    One thing is good out of this memory is to heal--hope that the worst pain is over, and now it is time to heal--
    Love and healing,
     
  9. BessieA

    BessieA Senior Registered

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    i found this on the meaning of dmitri
    Dmitriy - pet form = Dima
    DMEET-reey = DEE-mah
    Dimitri russian form of Demetrius.

    In Russia, only the first name is given to the child by its parents. the middle name,(Patronymic) is constructed from the father's first name. for example. if "Alexander" had a daughter, her middle name would be "Alexandrovna" the adding of the "ovna" to the father's first name indicates that the child was female and born to a man named alexzander. if Alexzander had a son, the childs middle name would be "alexandrovich" "ovich" indicating that the child was male, and the child of Alexzander.

    Russian people are very proud of their patronymic names. It is common, in Russia to say the first and patronymic name when grreting someone. for example, Victor Alexandrovich, Petra Alexandrona etc......

    When the question "what is your name?" is asked, Russian people answer in a particular way according to their age and status. Children and students give their surname first, then their first name. eg: Petrovskii, Dmitiri. Adults give their last name, then their first name and patronymic name. eg Petrovskii, Anna Alexzandrovna. In both cases, the last name is given first.

    so if you remember your middle name, you will also be able to work out your fathers first name too.

    "skii" means "of" so Dmitri of Petrov. There was a Russian scientist named Ivan Petrovskii, he came from moscow. their are places in Moscow which have similar names eg
    "Petrovskij Vorot pl.
    Petrovskij bul'v.
    Petrovsko - Razumovskaja al.
    Petrovsko - Razumovskij pr.
    Petrovskij per."
    (these are street names) I realise these could be named after the scientist, but since he has an extremely similar surname, it is a possibility that Moscow was where Dmitri and his family originated from.
    If Dmitri was Russian, then the spelling of his name would be Petrovsky, if it was spelt Petrovski, he is more likely to be Polish.

    I can show you how Dmitri's full name would look when written in Russian. i will show you when you sign into msn messenger;)

    (i hope my post made a bit of sense, usually they do not)
     
  10. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    Thank you everyone for your kind and encouraging replies, your care helps me more than I can say.

    Thank you for the links given and I will look into these soon. I have already found some sites myself but find it hard to linger.
    So that you are all aware, I have studied WW2 and the rise of the Nazi's and what they did, in some detail over the years and because of this, and the curent focus on the holocaust am accutley aware of making sure that what I have told you is genuine. This horror has been with me all my life but until now I was able to keep it from surfacing, or if it did, to forget it quickly.
    This experience has for the last few days left me reeling and sometimes feeling a little aggressive, which is not me at all.
    Before I go I must point out that I am quite certain I was not Jewish, I don't know for sure but am as much as I can be.
    Thank you all.
    God bless,
    Hammy.

    BessieA, it's a date :D if Msn is working!!
     
  11. Ailish

    Ailish Administrator Emerita

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    Hi Hammy,

    I was deeply touched by your story. All children deserve to be loved unconditionally and the thought of someone using a little boy for their own evil experiments makes me weep for the child you once were. I am sending you good thoughts and plenty of white light!


    *hugs*

    Ailish
     
  12. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member

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    Hammy

    I am very sorry for your bad memories. I am aghast at the atrocities of the Nazi, especially where the children were concerned. I hope and pray that you are able to swiftly work through the bad memories, and that you find your way to happy ones.

    Bless you, now and especially as Dimitry.
     
  13. shield

    shield Registered User

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    Dear Hammy,

    I, too, think you are enormously brave to have chosen (on some level)
    to take on these memories. God bless every step of your path in your work on this.
     
  14. Phoenix

    Phoenix Forgot to play nice

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    Hammy,

    I'd recommend reading the two books by Rabbi Gershom:

    Beyond the Ashes

    From Ashes into Healing

    They are excellent books for anyone who lived through Nazi Germany, regardless of what 'side' you were on.
     
  15. Jamaica

    Jamaica Senior Registered

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    Hello, I am fairly new...but while in college we studied some of what went on with the Nazi Experimentation...

    Here is a website that actually lists a lot of the experiements practiced, and the names of the doctors. Most were tried in courts for their cruelty later on.

    I hope it might help.


    Jamie


    http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/meganquinn.html
     
  16. Jamaica

    Jamaica Senior Registered

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    One of the things I found from that site shows that they did do experimentation on children....I am soooo sorry.


    8. Doctors punctured children's livers or removed them (Annas & Grodin, 1992)

    Jamie
     
  17. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    Thank you!!

    Thank you, all of you, for your input and kind thoughts. I promise you it has helped me enormously.
    With regards to what happened to me I think that I have been working through it subconciously all my life and that now is the time for conciousness. So although I have felt awful for the past few days I think that I had prepared myself and been helped by God through Jesus and Mary, that is what I believe. The initial outburst of hatred has been replaced first by numbness and now by the desire to move on and forgive those who wronged me.
    I have a long way to go and am scared by what might surface next but can see that I must face it and I pray that I can find out what happened to my family.

    To keep you updated on my memories the following have recently come to me. I am certain that they are true;
    My middle name was Andreas and my mother was German.

    Thanks for reading and thanks for your thoughts.
    Best wishes,
    Hammy.
     
  18. HelplessDancer

    HelplessDancer Sheikless Sheba

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    I also had a life during the Shoah, only I survived and died in 1953. I agree that maybe these memories were triggered in you by the recent 60th anniversary of the liberation of Oswiecim (I use the Polish name of the camp for personal reasons). I began to have past life dreams again, this time conscious almost right away they were past life dreams, on the penultimate day of 1994, right before the year of 50th anniversaries kicked off. The "people" who experimented on children are among the lowest forms of life there are; I actually recently saw a generous excerpt on Godawful.Net of a FANFICTION some teenage girl wrote, writing herself in as a romantic/sexual interest for Mengele; words can't describe how revolting and beyond-godawful that is (and here I thought I was weird for having crushes on musicians from the Sixties and actors from the Twenties). One more thing; I'm positive that the number you gave couldn't have been a tattoo ID number in Oswiecim, simply because I know that they never went that high (though offhand I can't recall the highest number they went up to in tattooing prisoners). Maybe it had to do with something else in the camp?
     
  19. sunnyluv

    sunnyluv Senior Registered

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    Then if your father name was Andrei (Russian version of Andreas), then you would have been called (if in Russian society) Dmitry Andreevich Petrovski (first, middle--after your dad's name and then last name);

    Light, energy and peace!
    Blessings,
     
  20. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    Dear Hammy,

    I want you to know that I admire your courage, and inner strength and I wish you the best on your journey. I also think -that your memories will eventually lead you to healing and a positive future.

    I do hope you keep us posted.

    Many Blessings..............
     
  21. Aquaria

    Aquaria Senior Registered

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    a mystery

    ......yes, an intrigueing one.

    Is this number the WHOLE number? Did you see a series of numbers that combined to make this one? Was the number on something, like a wall or a paper? Maybe you should break it down or rearrange the numbers. you know, I think in European countries they write dates differently than we do. 2-19-2005 is not the way it is done there. I think the year is in the middle. 2-2005-19. it is quite fascinating, if you dont mind me saying so...

    I'm glad youve worked through your traumatic memories. I've been there. Not with past lives -- working through traumatic memories is always hard. Always remember you are loved eternally.
     
  22. Ailish

    Ailish Administrator Emerita

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    Hi Hammy,

    I just read that the children at Auschwitz that were experimented on by Mengele were tattooed differently than the adult prisoners. Apparently he developed his own distinct numbering system. (ibmandtheholocaust.com) Some of the numbers were much longer and did not contain letters, as they did after 1941. I have also tired to look up Petrovski, but without much success at this point. The name Piotrowski (Polish) came up
    as did Petrowski (Ukrainian). Maybe that helps a little?

    Ailish
     
  23. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    Hello Ailish,

    Thank you so much for taking the trouble to look those names up, I have made a note of them. You have done a very kind thing as do many on this site. Thanks to people like yourself and the many others like you, life is much easier and more pleasent :D
    I'm particularly intirgued by what you wrote regarding numbering, thanks for that info.
    I am not good at searching :( and keep hitting brick walls plus with this particular life I find I can't look at things for too long without getting depressed. So once again, thank you for looking.
    My dear, dear friend BessieA has been helping me through this an awful lot and has come up with loads and loads of information and I want to thank her publicly for what she has done. (please don't tell me off Bessie :D )
    Regards and best wishes to all,
    Hammy.
     
  24. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    I now believe my oldest brother was called something like Johan.
    I thought I had a name for my younger sister and the next older brother but they’ve gone for now and as the name Johan has stuck I trust it to be genuine. My other brother may have been called Petri.

    I also am now quite sure that Rueben was murdered before me and that the German guards thought it would be funny to give me his mutilated naked body. They laughed as I held him and howled over him and when they tried to get him back I growled and snarled at them until using dogs they got him back off me. I believe now that it was this final act of wickedness that sent me irretrievably mad.

    The recall regarding Rueben is something I have been seeing in dreams and while awake for a while now and I therfore trust it to be true.
    I still dearly wish to find something, however small, that I can point to and say 'wow, that really backs me up' oh well one day perhaps :D
    As I'm sure can be appreciated the above is very disturbing and it becomes more and more obvious to me just why I have been blocking all this for so many years. Even now I have to step back from it all for most of the time and try not to think about it.
    Best wishes to one and all,
    Hammy.
     
  25. Feech

    Feech Senior Registered

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    Hammy, I feel I want to say something here about validation even though I know you wish for some little physical thing to back you up on this story historically. I can't offer anything like that but I want to say that I (and obviously others here) "back you up" on this spiritually. I'm sorry I can't offer any help on where to look for physical clues. I just want to say the atrocities that were committed upon you have an extreme effect in the telling of them and I thank you for sharing what must be so hard to talk about.
     
  26. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    Hello all,
    thank you for your encouragement and kind words I find great comfort from them.

    Feech, thank you, your help is in your spritual support.
    Regards,
    Hammy.
     
  27. Ka_tka

    Ka_tka New Member

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    His name in polish would rather be spelled Dymitr Petrowski (we don't have "v" letter in our alphabet). Dymitr is the polish version of the name (I'm not sure if it was ever used to name polish children, but I know now it's not, it's just the way we call all of russian Dimitri's, for example from history, or these, who moved to Poland). Petrowski doesn't sound too polish, but maybe there are some people with this surname. If there are, it probably was russian many years ago and now, changed, is used by Polish.

    Piotrowski is a very popular surname, but it's spelling is rather far from Petrovsky, even if it seems very alike.

    The middle name would be spelled Andrzej.

    So I'm sure it's not a polish name. His family would have to live in Poland before moving to Germany, as it would come from russian, so that the changes I mentioned could take place.

    And I write dates in 19-2-2005 way ;) I'm not sure how do they write it in Germany (shame on me, I'm a German in a small part), but possibly during the War they wrote it this way in Auschwitz/Oswiecim. Still the number Hammy remembers doesn't look like a date.


    Anyway, terrible stories. I just can't say anything more about it. And to think that it all happened not very long ago, something that primitive in this modern world...


    And sorry for my poor English, I'm young and I'm still learning ;)
     
  28. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    Dear Ka_tka,
    thank you so much for your thoughts and suggestions everything is of help :)
    I will clear one thing up though and that is that my father was Russian and married a German. I think I was sent to a camp in Poland but which one I do not know yet.
    Thanks again and your English is very good.
    Best wishes,
    Hammy.
     
  29. Phoenix

    Phoenix Forgot to play nice

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    I work for a German(ironically, born in Germany during WWII), in a German-owned company-they write the dates in the same, Day-Month-Year format, Ka_tka. It can be very confusing, 1-5-05 is January 5 to me, May 1 to them.

    I believe that this date format has been in use since well before WWII in Europe.
     
  30. Hammy

    Hammy Senior Registered

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    Thank you nora for your kindness I appreciate all the very kind words and help that I have recieved. I am actualy managing to deal with things quite well, I am sure that I have been working things out subconciously for years and that helped me deal with the memories when they surfaced properly into my conciousness.
    I wish I could know what happened to my family and that I could recall my sisters name.
    Plus I truly wish that I could out if Rueben is happy whoever and wherever he now is.
    Thanks everyone,
    Hammy.
     

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