My only Son died. Need help.

Discussion in 'Children's Past Lives -Age 7 & under' started by jdahlen, Mar 18, 2012.

  1. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    I found this site while trying to find answers to my incredible pain. My youngest child, my only Son died 12/14/2010, at the age of 20. It has been 15 months of living hell. I have prayed and prayed, went to group grief counseling sessions and even had a readings with psychics in an attempt to heal.

    After my Son's autopsy was performed, the L.A. County Coroner said to me, "Your Son reminds me so much of myself at that age. I was also blonde haired and blue eyed. I want you to know that I took great care with him and treated him like he was my own. He is coming back to you and soon. You'll know him because he'll have the same marks on him. Like the red mark under his eye." I was completely blown away that the Medical Examiner was talking to me about reincarnation! I said, "Are you a Psychic?" To which he replied, "No, I'm a Scientist. You should read the book by Ian Stevenson, Twenty Cases Suggestive of Reincarnation." I have no idea how the Doctor knew that I was spiritual or believed in life after death. Nor did he know that I remember the day I was born, as well as several days before I was born...which I confirmed with my birth Mother when I found her, 20 years after the fact.

    Just prior to my Son's death, my daughter and I had a reading with a famous Psychic, Lisa Williams. We were trying to find answers to my Sister-in-Law's murder. Lisa kept changing the direction of her reading and asked my daughter at least three times, "Who's the baby boy angel that is behind you?" We didn't know any baby boy's, nor was anyone that we knew pregnant at the time.

    Fast forward to just last week, my daughter found out that she was pregnant (13 weeks) and was given an immediate ultrasound, due to her heart problems. She called me in tears to tell me that she was having a baby boy. The ultrasound picture clearly showed the baby's *****. The Doctor and the Nurse both joked with her, saying it's rare to be so visible at only 13 weeks. I laughed, of course and said, "That's almost word for word what the Doctor said to me, when I was pregnant with your Brother!" Then my daughter and I both let out an "Oh my God" gasp and said at the same time, "It's him...he's coming back to us!!"

    My Son had always promised me a blond haired, blue eyed baby Grandson. Since my pregnant daughter is married to a hispanic and my older daughter isn't even close to having children, I always assumed it would be my Son who would give me one. I seriously don't care what color my Grandchildren are, it was just something we always joked about. I would tell him repeatedly, "I already have a blond baby....YOU!"

    So, maybe it's because I'm mourning him so deeply and want him back at any cost....but, in my heart and soul, I'm convinced that he's coming back to me...through my daughter, as my Grandchild. I have gotten no communication with him from the other side. At least none that I would have felt. I think that is because of the blinding pain. And after finding out last week that the baby is a boy, I was overcome with joy and expected a loud and clear message from him. But nothing. And we always promised each other, whoever died first, had to contact the one left here on earth.

    I hope someone can help me with my question. Is it possible that the baby is my son coming back to us? He promised me he'd never leave me. He died from an accidental overdose. His Grandmother gave him Morphine pills because he had a stomach ache, and he drank a few beers and simply laided down and died. He had no idea what the pills were, he just trusted his Grandma. The Grandmother hasn't been charged with any crime as of yet, and that really upsets us all.

    Thank you for any insight, thoughts, etc. I'm so desperate for answers.
     
  2. ChrisR

    ChrisR Administrator Emeritus Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hi jdahlen, welcome to the forum!


    First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about your son, and your struggle with the grief, but it's all perfectly understandable of course, no parent expects to, or should have to witness the death of their offspring.


    Now as for your forthcoming grandson, yes it is very possible that he could be your son returning to the family. The only thing is, however hard you look for that solid cast iron proof that he is the loved one returned to you, you never seem to find that question completely answered satisfactorily, even when the evidence jumps out and slaps you in the face. So a lot of it is faith. As he grows up, look for signs, listen to what he says, maybe start a journal and make a note of any 'signs', however small or insignificant they may be.


    The most important thing to remember though is that whether or not he is your son reincarnated, he will be another person, with a new body and a new identity, and your role in his life will be as his grandmother. That doesn't mean that you can't love him any less than your son, or that he'll love you any less of course.


    You've already been given some excellent reading in Ian Stevenson's work, you might also benefit from reading Carol's second book: Return From Heaven: Beloved Relatives Reincarnated Within Your Family, and maybe a read of this thread: Moving Through Grief


    I hope everything works out for you. Time is a great healer, and you will be happy again, especially when your grandson is born, he'll bring so much happiness back to your family, you'll see. Please keep us updated.


    Chris :)hug2.gif
     
  3. Nightrain

    Nightrain Senior Registered

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    Hi JD, and welcome to the Forum. Please accept my deepest and most sincere sympathy for such a terrible loss. I know that there is nothing that anyone can say or do to show adequate compassion, or lessen the pain you are feeling. But, I am surprised and elated that a Doctor would have directed your attention to the wonderful research done by the late great Dr. Ian Stevenson. I hope you will find the two books by Carol Bowman, "Children's Past Lives" and "Return from Heaven" to be even more interesting and compelling.


    But just reading books is not enough to provide the hope you are looking for. Coming here is a beginning on a long road of discovery, which you can be certain is being shared by many of the members on this Forum. Although we can't predict when or how your son will return, I do believe that he will return to this earth. Whether it is in the form of your grandson is impossible for anyone but you to determine. If you read Carol's books—especially "Return From Heaven"—you will find considerable evidence that it does apparently happen.


    My only question to you is, Will you know what to do, if your grandson appears to be your former son? Will you be able to let go, if he doesn't remember, or forgets as he becomes older?
     
  4. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    Chris, Thank you so much for the kind words and warm thoughts. I am definately going to order Carol's books, just as soon as I stop reading all the threads on this site! I'm hooked.


    I am certain of one thing....I'll know if it's my son, the minute I lay eyes on him. I know physically that he'll look very different, but we have such a strong bond, I'd like to believe that I'd know him anywhere! I always told my Son, when he'd leave the house to be very careful driving. "If anything ever happened to you, I'd die of pain." He'd just laugh at me and say, "You can't get rid of me that easily. If something did happen to me, I'd come right back!" And of course, I'd say, "Well, good luck with that because I'm not having any more babies!"


    I just hope I can make it until September 20th...the due date. I just might drive myself crazy before then, because I want it to be him so badly. Either way, my Grandson will be deeply loved. And spoiled.


    It sure would be nice to talk to a really good psychic though. (just sayin')
     
  5. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    Thank you for the warm welcome and support. I remember when Dr. Carpenter told me story after story of cases that he's seen in his 26 years at the morgue. He talked to me for over an hour. One particular case was of a young man whose family always told him that he was just like his deceased Uncle and they'd tease him about being reincarnated. During the autopsy, he was stunned to find evidence of a previous heart surgery, yet no external scars. Bewildered, he asked the family how that was possible. They insisted that he never had surgery of any kind. The Mother then proclaimed in utter shock that her Brother (the Uncle) died from open heart surgery.


    I asked Dr. Carpenter if other Physicians in his field felt the same way as he does. He said the top scientists in the world have finally come to realize that there is simply too much evidence to deny the fact that reincarnation is very real. He had actually just attended a seminar on the very topic, although for the life of me, I have no recollection of what seminar that was. I don't believe much in coincidences, so the fact that he told me that my Son was coming back, was needless to say comforting, yet depressing at the same time. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life looking for my Son.


    I did call the University of Virginia, division of perceptual Sciences to ask if it was even possible for my Son to return so quickly. The lady suggested that i write to Dr. Taylor (who has now taken over Dr. Stevenson's position) simply due to the fact that it was the Coroner that planted the seed in my mind. She then laughed at me (literally) and said, "We have thousands of cases just like yours and we no longer take them. Your case is not unique at all. As a matter of fact, if the baby is not your Son, I'd be surprised."


    I found that comforting as well. And yes, I will be able to separate my Son, from my Grandson. Nobody can replace my sweet Son, ever. It would just be the greatest gift I could ever receive, knowing that he tried so hard to come back to me.


    Thank you again. I really love this site and am so glad I accidently found it.
     
  6. ChrisR

    ChrisR Administrator Emeritus Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Yes, of course you are right. This is what I said to a friend of mine who was in a similar situation to yourself and found herself pregnant again after losing her son. I insisted that she would just 'know' when she looked into her new baby's eyes, whether her son had returned to her or not. Since her new baby has been born, the evidence to suggest that her son has returned to her has been overwhelming, yet she still doesn't seem to be entirely convinced, and I can understand that. I often think that it's easier for an outsider, someone who is detached from the whole situation, to be able read the signs. I think sometimes you can be too close to see the big picture, but as his grandmother, maybe it'll be more apparent to you, we'll have to wait and see. (Sorry, i'm just assuming that you are the child's grandmother and not grandfather, but that's the impression I get : angel)
     
  7. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    Yes, I'm Grandma! When my first husband died in 1987, I had a 2-year-old daughter and a 3 month old daughter. I was 23 years old and had loved my husband since I was 14 years old. His death completely devastated me. That was when I met a very popular psychic, who changed my life forever. His New Age way of thinking, opened my eyes to so many things and greatly helped me in my grief process. Also made me believe in psychics and life after death.


    So, just one week before my Son died, I was puttering around the house when suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks. I was overcome with a sudden rush of devastating emotions. Pure pain. It was as if someone had just told me that my child was dead. The overwhelming dread that enveloped me, almost made me pass out. A premonition that I didn't like at all! After a few seconds, I pulled myself together and I said to myself (maybe even out loud), "Knock it off! God wouldn't do that to you. You've had enough pain in your life!" I will regret for the rest of my life that I didn't tell my Son that had happened. I don't know what good it would have done, but at least I could have told him once again how much I loved him.


    I guess my point is that we have such an incredible bond, that I don't doubt for a minute that I'd recognize him...when he comes back to me. I really hope your friend realizes what a gift she has been given.


    If it really is my Son...I have every intention of writing a book. The last 15 months of suffering has to account for something. When I'm not in such pain, I hope I can help someone else, down the road.
     
  8. Jody

    Jody Senior Registered

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    Welcome to the forum, jdahlen! I am so sorry to hear about your loss.


    Thank you for your fascinating story. I'm almost positive I've met someone whose son has returned as her grandson, but I haven't said anything to her because she doesn't believe in reincarnation and probably wouldn't appreciate it. I'm glad you have an open mind. Please keep us updated!
     
  9. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    Jody, I don't know if I have an open mind, or simply a broken heart.
    Since the 80's, I have believed that when we die physically, we simply go to the "other side, and wait for our loved ones." I believe it was psychic Sylvia Browne that once said souls do not reincarnate for a least a hundred years. That comment has always stayed with me, until recently. Instead of that being a good thing to look forward too, it was also quite depressing. Having to die to see a loved one again, just didn't seem that appealing to me!


    Like I mentioned earlier, I remember a few days before I was born, as well as lying in the nursery after birth. I remember my birth Mother saying goodbye to me, exact position of my crib and where the windows were in the room. When I was reunited with my Birth Mother, 20 years later, I began rambling about what I remembered. I then said, "And I remember this little stuffed doll with a pointed red hat." My Mother was completely floored as she recalled that the doll was actually a Santa Claus (the pointed hat was actually his Santa hat) that the nuns from across the street had brought them to all of us Xmas babies!


    "They" say it is scientifically impossible for an infant memory to remember such things. I beg to differ. I was immediately put in Foster care, then months later placed with my adopted family, so nobody could have possibly "told" me any of this stuff.


    Perhaps it was simply a case of me remembering my birth, or better yet, it was me coming in to incarnation. I can justify the later all day long, like the sorrow I felt saying goodbye to my Mother and the embarrassment I felt when they rolled me on my stomach to take my temperature. Those are emotions that I'm quite sure an infant baby shouldn't have. :confused:


    I guess I can rattle on until I'm blue in the face, because I tend to have a very compulsive behavior. And the bottom line is that I simply need to learn patience, because I won't have my answers until the baby is born.


    In the meantime, it really gives me hope and comfort to hear others tell me about their friends & family that they are fairly convinced have had loved ones return (your friends Grandchild). :angel:


    Until then, I will read every single story, book, journal, research report, essay, etc. that I can get my hands on!


    Thanks, again. And I will definately keep you all posted (that is, if you don't get tired of me and throw me off the forum first, lol.)
     
  10. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member

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    Perhaps you remember her saying goodbye and the toy so you both can know beyond any doubt how true your connection is.
     
  11. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    Welcome to the forum jdahlen,


    Please take what Sylvia Browne says...with a grain of salt. I personally would not use her as a source or resource. : angel


    There is a wonderful story here on the forum, a case Carol worked with for a few years. I suggest a box of tissues. The experience was shared on the forum by the grandmother and Ailish and I put it together in a closed thread.


    Love binds....Jesse's story..


    I hope you enjoy the read.
     
  12. myladymarlo

    myladymarlo New Member

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    jdahlen,


    Welcome!! I am so glad you are here!


    I am new to the forum and to understanding about past lifes. I am learning so much from everyone's experiences here.


    I first wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I broke into tears reading about your story. I am so sorry for your pain. It really touched me. I haven't been here long and I haven't commented much but your story compelled me to speak to you. I think your son is coming back to your family. I do know there are no coincidences. It's the universes way of catching your attention. For some people, myself included, being aware of these universal signs and paying attention to them is difficult to do, but you seem completely aware of these signs and uniquely hard wired to be aware. I would trust your own feelings on this! I will be following your post very closely to find out what happens.


    I lost my first brother when I was young. When my mom had a baby boy exactly a year later on my birthday I had a sneaking impression it was Gods birthday gift to me by giving my baby brother back to me. Even though reincarnation was never mentioned in my parents household, at five years old I knew that's how things worked! You mentioned that you could remember your first days as a newborn! I am not surprised at all that is why you are so aware! I was actually going to ask the forum how many people had memories from infancy. I have never met anyone who still had their memories except for me ! I know that is a rare gift because I have asked around and gotten many a funny look for asking! I can do that too!! I was too chicken to ask and here you are answering the same question I needed to hear! There are no coincidences! Just signs to tell you to pay attention!
     
  13. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    That very well could be Mama. Or, maybe, just maybe, it's so that I can look back at that time of my birth, 48 years ago and use that information like I'm using it today. Simply more proof of reincarnation and the eternal soul. After all, I certainly can't argue with myself about something that is burned in my own conscience.
    I believe in Mind, the physical body (of course), but also in the conscience. And everyday I am more and more convinced that our conscience doesn't need a brain or a body to survive.


    It's just too bad that current Scientists can't prove that!
     
  14. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    Deborah, I read Jesse's story several days ago. I've actually read almost every post in this forum. When I'm desperate for answers, i really get obsessive. But the more I learn and hear other's journeys, the better I feel. I have gotten soooo much from this forum, in just the few days that I've been here.


    And I completely agree with you about Sylvia Browne. I used to be a big fan, although I've changed my mind on that, this past year.


    I don't know if it's against forum rules, but I've really enjoyed reading on this site: http://www.iisis.net/index.php?page=Kevin-Ryerson-Walter-Semkiw-Reincarnation-Past-Life--Research-Sessions&hl=en_US


    If it's not okay to post that link, I'll remove it promptly and apologize in advance.
     
  15. Truthseeker

    Truthseeker Former Moderator

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  16. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    I'm so glad you found this site, just as I was when I found it. There are some really wonderful people here that will go out of their way to try to comfort the grieving. Personally, I am so grateful!
    As far as listening to the signs that the Universe sends us, I had a very loud and clear message, just yesterday. I went to lunch with a long time friend who had moved out of state and was in town to move her daughter back home with her. The daughter is now wheelchair bound with M.S. and the progression of the disease is rapidly taking and taking from her.


    Not to mention that my friend had a husband that had committed Suicide (Steve) and as a result of her grief over his death, she founded a very popular support group for people who had lost spouses, due to suicide. In her quest for answers, she discovered spiritualism.


    So, while talking about how her daughter Laura was coping with the move, my dear friend, out of nowhere suddenly says, "A parent should never have to die before their child, as you know, but I only hope if my Laura does go before me, that she hurries up and comes back as my Grandchild or something! I know my husband Steve came back as Nathan (one of her Grandsons). I almost dropped my fork, as my jaw hit the table!


    I think she mistook the look of shock on my face, as skepticism. Plus, I couldn't speak for a good minute. Here is a very dear friend of mine, talking to me about her children and late husband being reincarnated! She has NEVER heard me mention that my daughter is pregnant, we hadn't gotten that far in the conversation!! To which, she kinda tried to change the subject, thinking that I was uncomfortable with the topic!


    Of course, I proceeded to tell her what I've been doing with my time for the past week. I mentioned this site, the Coroner, etc. and every step in between! I KNOW the universe is screaming at me, because it simply cannot be a coincidence that our lunch discussion was all about Reincarnation.


    I've know her over 20 years and never once have we talked about anything even remotely close to the subject. Another entry of "signs" to go in to the new journal i just started!
     
  17. myladymarlo

    myladymarlo New Member

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    Oh my goodness! You made me cry again and made chills go down my back! Yep you are getting your signs! I love it! :D
     
  18. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member

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    I agree.


    I also find myself opening up to people only to find that their belief systems are similar to mine and often that they have had amazing experiences as well.
     
  19. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    That is exciting! I sure he comes back and visits again soon. I really admire his work. Of course until a little over a week ago, I didn't know how he was....but, I'm still a fan, as I've read so much of his work lately!
     
  20. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    I found this resume of Dr. Carpenter, who personally performed my Son's autopsy. Usually he just supervises them. I am very happy that he's trying to enlighten the medical community.


    http://www.voiceofmodesto.org/p/454


    Just another sign, lady Marlo...just another sign.
     
  21. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    I agree...but, I seem to find just as many that look at me like i have three heads when i even mention something like Life After Death. I usually just take it with a grain of salt, at the disbelievers.
    I did track Down Kevin Ryerson, due to the articles written by Dr. Walter Semliw. I was thrilled to see that he offers 90 minute readings, via the telephone...30 minutes of which he is channeling. He's got appointments for May 10th! I can't wait! Just ordered his book, so I'm excited about that too.


    I already have a dozen questions to ask (Did my Son know he was dying, did his Grandma poison him on person, etc.) And of course the BIG question , when he's channeling. I'm not going to flat out ask him if my Son is coming back, I'm going to wait and see if he brings it up. If he doesn't, that's okay too. I truly believe I've gotten enough signs on my own .
     
  22. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member

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    I really doubt she would have poisoned him on purpose. I bet she did not realize what she was giving him, especially if she is older.


    It is very easy to talk to him if you wish PM me for instructions. You already have what you need to accomplish the task ... and that is love.
     
  23. myladymarlo

    myladymarlo New Member

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    When you get a reading with Keven Ryerson let US know how it went. Thanks for leaving the link to Dr Semkiw website. I had the old link and it doesn't work anymore I was very upset about that. You made everything right again in my life. LoL
     
  24. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    Mama...she's not older, she's the same age as my husband. 16 years older than I am, a mere 64. Not to mention, there are 7 unexplained deaths in this woman's wake...including her own daughter on Christmas Eve 2008. I knew in my heart that she murdered her daughter, yet I let my own Son go to her house. That is a guilt I'll live with forever.


    My only Sibling lost his only Son, 9-1/2 months after my Son was murdered. This makes me sick!
     
  25. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member

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    {{JDahlen}}


    Please do not blame yourself, you could not have known and your son definitely would not want you beating yourself up over what happened to him.


    I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe the reason was so that you will research the cases and handle it however it needs to be handled.


    Use the same energy that you are using against yourself for something good, I know he would be proud of you.


    None of us knows why things happen as they do, and my heart breaks for you. A mother is not supposed to bury their child. I don't know what the right words would be, or even if there are any right words.


    Remember him with love, not with sadness, remember the happy times, not the tragic. Talk to him, tell him you love him. Focus on his life, not his death. With that you can begin to heal.


    And when that perfect little boy is born again whisper in his ear how much you love him. It is what he really wants to hear.


    {{ Hugs to you }}
     
  26. Obie

    Obie Senior Registered

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    Is this grandmother on your side or your husband's side. Like your husband's step-mother or is she your mother who gave you up as an infant that you have memories of? I thought you had a good relationship with your birth mother after you found her and told her of your memories as an infant.
     
  27. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    He's here. He's really here.


    I'm so sorry that I didn't come back and update. I really owe ChrisR (and your friend Julie) a Thank you. My computer crashed just days after my last post. I am so grateful for all the support that I received here. You all have no idea how important it was to not be thought of as insane.


    When my daughter was 32 weeks pregnant, she was told that her baby was an IUGR baby. Infant Growth problems and the baby would be very small and my daughter may die during birth. I won't focus on the negative, but I'll tell you...the pain was almost unbearable. I felt as though my Son was dying again. It was hell.


    They induced my daughter on 9/13, days after she was scheduled, due to a shortage of beds. I found it interesting that 9+13=22. My Son would have been 22 years old. We were in room 120. My Son was 20 when he died. The "coincidences" went on and on and on. My daughter has a strange thing that she does when she gives birth. She dilates from 4 to 10 in about 10 minutes. Of course, the crabby nurse didn't believe me and I had the baby's head in my hand as the Doctor came running in.


    At exactly 2:22 (the three numbers in the middle of my Sons SS #), my Grandson was born. The first words out of the Doctors mouth were, "This is a 6.5 pound baby. Who marked her as having IUGR?" The exact weight was just that. 6.5. The entire room was chaos. None of the supplies were opened, the Doctor didn't even have time to put on his other glove or face mask, etc.


    And there he was. When I got my chance to hold him, I whispered to him, "Honey, I don't know what mountains you had to climb, heavenly strings you had to pull or angels you had to bribe...but, you came back to me. Oh, God. You came back to me! With his eyes full of that vaseline like stuff, he tried and tried to look at me and with everything that I am, there is not a shred of a doubt who he was.


    My daughter named him after my Son. She was never quite sure of the day she got pregnant with him. She knew it was around the holidays because she recalled being "braindead" from mourning her Brother. She went in to sign the birth certificate as well as a form from the Dept. of Health. On that form, it said: Day of conception: 12/15/2011. She instantly began to sob and asked the woman where that date had come from. She explained that it is based on a wheel. The date of birth 9/13, will show 12/15 as the date of conception. I could hardly hold my daughter up. That was the ultimate clue that loud and clear, it was my Son, her Brother and he had indeed came back to us. My Son died 12/15/10.


    My daughter is white. She had blue/green eyes and blonde hair. Her husband is hispanic. My Grandson has light brown hair, although I'm sure it will be dark. His eyes on the other hand appear dark, with a very unusual blue ring around them that you can clearly see in the light. I didn't even notice it, it was my Brother who mentioned it completely out of the blue.


    My Grandson will be 3 months old in 3 days. When I go to my daughters house and he hears my face, he begins to call to me at the top of his lungs. It's adorable. I'll pick him up and he will chat nonstop to me as he smiles and bounces and wiggles in delight. My daughter has called me several times when he's crabby, just so that I can talk to him on the phone and calm him down.


    A couple of weeks ago, at 2-1/2 months, my Grandson was trying to get off of my daughters bed for some reason and literally started doing situps, of sorts. I think he was trying to simply get in the sitting position first. He is just so frustrated that he can't get up and walk and take off. Heck, his neck muscles are still kinda weak and he's bound and determined to ignore that too! My daughter said to me, "Mom, this is so hard. He's a man in a baby's body and he can't even grab a rattle yet, but he wants to take off and go check everything out!" Well, she hit the nail right on the head and I figure that he must have worked very hard to be born back to us, the least we can do is help him to grow in to his body!


    My daughter has a baby picture of her Brother/my Son on her phone. I good friend of theirs happen to look over her shoulder as she picked up her phone and said, "Wow, he looks heavier in that picture." When he found out that it was a picture of her Brother and not her Son. The guy was floored. Everyone of My Son-in-law's family said on Thanksgiving, "He doesn't look like either one of you. He looks like your Brother" Now, trust me. They don't believe a thing about reincarnation, psychics, etc. etc.


    I have a similar picture of the baby on my car visor. I'm 4 for 4, with people commenting on how his hair looks a little lighter or he looks a little heavy in the pic, etc. Not one realized who the picture really was of.


    It's still so new to us. I have asked myself 1000 times if perhaps it's not really my Son and I just wanted it so badly, that I've talked myself in to it. Those thoughts barely cross my mind and baby himself will do something, like open his eyes in a dead sleep and simply stare at me. There are so many things that are just unexplainable. There is no denying. None. My daughter and I feel like we have healed so much, since he came back to us. Everybody else in the family thinks we are nut jobs and that it is unhealthy for me to think the baby is my Son reincarnated as my Grandson. "She's in denial, she's really gonna crash hard when reality sets in" Blah, blah, blah.


    My daughter and I came up with a list of 37 things that were "coincidences" as we tried to disprove our own beliefs. We couldn't do it. The evidence is overwhelming and in our hearts undisputable.


    Dr. Carpenter (medical examiner) performed the autopsy on my Son. He told me that he had taken great care of my Son and treated him as his own. He retired in April, yet gave me his info to find him. I called yesterday and he called me back today. He has known from day one who he was. We're going to go meet with him in one of his nearby cities where he's doing his consult work. He will photograph and look for markings on the baby. The research will most likely continue for years to come. I hope he can find a way to do it without getting info based on what he may or may not have heard from us. I really hope it proves to be useful information because this is truly a love story. It's beyond a miracle. It's so absolutely breathtakingly unreal, that I thank God as I'm shaking me head in disbelief. Beyond a miracle.


    I can't wait to see what the next two weeks will be like. He now weighs 13 pounds and is 23 inches long. At exactly 4 months old to the day, his Mother (my daughter) almost caused me to have a heart attack. I left her on a blanket on the floor and 2 minutes later, she was standing up on a fan that I had sitting on the floor! Stupid me, ran to grab a camera..shot the pic, then realized her little fingers shouldn't be on the fan! So, with that in mind, I have a feeling this little guy is gonna take off in the next month and look the heck out people! He's way to little and fragile, but I just know he'll be like his Mommy and give us a run for our money.


    I just wanted to say Thank you to all of you again. I was in such a place of pain and sorrow and you all helped me. You gave me hope and allowed me to believe that what I knew in my heart could be true and probably is. I am so grateful. There are miracles. I am still and probably will always be in such a state of pure awe.


    If you'd like to hear an update after we meet with Dr. Carpenter, I'd be more than happy to post them. I'll pray that somebody who needs to hear that indeed it is possible and more than likely probable, will stumple across my post and maybe, just maybe we can give them some hope too.


    I have such an exciting journey ahead of me as I watch the baby grow. We are approaching 12/15 and although I still cry every day, it's tears that are mixed of loss and deep gratitude all in one. How lucky am I, to know from the instant he was born, exactly who he is.


    Thank you again. Really, really, really...Thank you.
     
  28. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    The Grandmother is on my ex-husbands side. They have no relationship since she murdered her daughter on Xmas Eve 2008. The homicide investigation is still pending, since drug deaths are so very hard to prove, but they're trying like heck to make them stick.
    I do know my Birth Mother. She did verify everything I asked her and was actually stumped by many things that I insisted were real and it took her awhile to remember certain things.


    Our relationship officially ended when I jumped on an airplane after my Son died to be with her. My 1/2 sister was jealous or something...caused drama and my birth mother ended up throwing me away again when she told my 1/2 sister that I was the result of a rape. Clear, cut lies. The small town that she grew up in knew the truth, as did the writings in her own highschool yearbook. I was so crushed and hurt and could barely tie my own shoes when she dumped that on me, that I checked in to a hotel near the airport and flew home from Florida the very next day.


    I can't beg someone to love me. I also can't stand to be hurt anymore and I certainly don't deserve it. If that woman loved me at all, she would have flown to California and been by my side at my baby's funeral. Good Lord, if I ever needed anybody....that would be it. So, in answer to your question...Yes, I thought we were close. We're very much alike in looks and mannerism and laughter, etc. But, that's it. I'm not, nor never will be the person that she is. She has continously hurt me from birth and I had to cut the ties and let her go.


    Hope that made sense.
     
  29. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    I did Mama. I did. That perfect little boy has given me my life back. I haven't thought about shooting myself in the head once, since he's been born. And yes, I'm serious. My husband hid all the guns because I couldn't bear the pain anymore and it was a constant struggle to stay alive for my surviving daughters and Grandchildren.
    Looking back now...I can just see my Son in desperation trying to talk to me and begging me to "Hold on, Mom...I'm coming. Please Mom, hold on." I can't imagine how frustrating that must have been because I'm pretty stubborn.


    Thank you so much for the kind words. I mourn my Son everyday and will forever. But, I also laugh. I know his soul is right where it belongs, in our new baby and I also know his spirit still watches out for me.


    I'm telling ya....I just won the Mega Power Baby Ball Lottery. I still seek to find why in the world I had to suffer so deeply. I can only chalk it up to some kind of Karma. I don't know. I guess I really don't care. I just know that I Thank God a thousand times a day and shed a lot of happy tears. My poor eyeballs sure have taken a beating, lol
     
  30. jdahlen

    jdahlen New Member

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    Marlo, I'm VERRRRYYY late in replying, but after both computers crashed and the scare that the baby wasn't going to weigh much and the LONG problem pregnancy, I didn't want to post anything, unless I could back it up.
    Did you hear about the book by Dr. Eban Alexander, Proof of heaven? He spoke to Oprah on Super Soul Sunday and spoke of the loss he felt at birth from being placed for adoption. I'll tell ya...it was like my entire insides were spinning as "ding, ding, ding" played in my head. He spoke of how important it is to talk to the baby and tell them exactly why you are placing them up. I remember my birth Mother holding me and I remember profound sadness just a few days later. Deep sadness. And yes, looking back I'll say it was separation depression.


    He also spoke of new babies coming in to incarnation. I am so blessed that my daughter and I both believe with all our hearts that the baby is my Son/her Brother reincarnated. I believe it is so rare that people actually know what we know to be true, that we are really going to plan her growth and raise her accordingly. Such a gift I got. Such a huge, huge gift. Wow.


    Thank you for your beautiful post. I'll be reading it again years from now. Thank you.
     

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