Catholic reincarnationist?
Hi,
after visiting these forums for quite some time now, I finally registered today to start posting my questions and personal experiences.
I was born and raised as a Christian Catholic but I've been having doubts about my religion due to my growing interest in reincarnation and after-life. It all started when I was 14. I was assigned by my teacher to write about Buddhism for a class project. Several religions were randomly "handed out" to different students. I had no former knowledge about this religion and being a computer freak I searched the internet for information about the topic.
A Google ad caught my eye. It said "heal your life by discovering your past lives". I was instantly drawn to clicking on it and so I did. I read the introduction and I was hooked. For me it all made sense (btw,I was also interested in Wicca and witchcraft at that time, but hadn't been exposed to the reincarnation topic). We can't learn everything in only one lifetime. We can't just be "robots" with flesh that are built on chemical reactions. There just had to be a spiritual explanation behind our urges, talents, interests and emotions.
I printed every article on that site and devoured every word.
After 6 months I remember thinking that I had to stop this "obsession" because of my Catholic upbringing. I was raised to believe in Heaven and Hell. I thought I was crazy for reading so much about reincarnation. And I planned on becoming a psychologist. So I gathered all the articles in a ring binder and put it in a memory box. I didn't open the box until my family and I moved to the city when I was 17. I remember looking at the ring binder when I was sorting out my things and feeling so drawn to its contents. It literally said: "open me. read me. read me". But I resisted.
Then one summer afternoon when I was 18 I lay on the green grass in my backyard and watched the skies move gently in one direction. The birds were chirping. The sun's rays gently caressing my skin. I suddenly felt "one" with everything. The skies. The universe. The animals. The plants. And I felt this inner peace that filled my chest. I was content and happy.
That's when I come to think about God. Questions about life were occupying my mind; what happens after we die? Is God really "unfair" by deciding if we're "good enough" to end up in Heaven or in Hell? I finally decided to research more on reincarnation. During these past 2 years I've collected several books by Michael Newton, Carol Bowman, Brian Weiss, Sylvia Browne and Elizabeth Clare Prophet.
I've been careful mentioning my interest in reincarnation to my parents. I tried it yesterday by reciting facts about parts of the Bible being "erased" and their interpretation. I didn't receive a happy smile on their face. They automatically assumed that I wanted to convert to another religion. And they told me that thanks to their belief in Catholism (my dad almost committed suicide when he lost his dad as a teen), I exist today (I wanted to say: well, I would have been born anyway, but in a different body but resisted from appearing disrespectful).
So how do I embrace both reincarnation and my Catholic religion? I feel no connection to the Catholic church because of their interpretation of the Biblical doctrines. The Catholic in my community seem so God-fearing. I don't go to church that often because I don't connect with the Catholic people. I only go there when it's Christmas and Easter. Yesterday my mom told me that I've let my religion down. That I have to show more appreciation by going to church. I wanted to tell her that God's everywhere and that I show my appreciating by being good to people. I believe in Jesus- but not in the same way my Church does.
I'm not satisfied with my religion and its teachings. I feel I'm being fake by attending the Catholic church.
I can't convert out of my Catholic church because I have to spare my family for humiliation. My mom's family is big so they will start talking behind my back.
I'm sorry for my long post. Just had to get it off my chest!