RedSunshine
Senior Member
Is there a sign that will make you know if you're currently with the right partner? Can you share some relationship tips on finding the "RIGHT ONE" for you?
When can you say you're with the right partner?
- Thread starter RedSunshine
- Start date
Cat1985
Time flies by with such wickedness..
ahh good question....I was completely and madly in love with a man i briefly dated. We became good friends but he had literally a harem of women which i refused to be a part of. We had this crazy attraction and people thought we were always related which i think in a past life we had to have been because we are so much alike. Anyhow, that relationship did not work out and i dated a lot right after. I had 6 marriage proposals in a span of 5 years and not one felt right. I just kept breaking hearts like my original love broke mine. Nobody felt right..not even close to how i felt for my first great love. Than in the most random of ways after I decided it was better to stay single than settle I met my future husband. He was NOT AT ALL the "look" i normally was attracted to. But within months I knew he was the one..I never looked back and have been married a long time
) He really is my soul mate...while friends of ours have married and divorced many times our love has stood the test of time. It took about 6 months of seeing him almost every day for me to know and realize i could be married to this man. And the ride he has taken me on would make an adventure novel seem boring...)))))))))))))))))))))))))...your soul should know
) He really is my soul mate...while friends of ours have married and divorced many times our love has stood the test of time. It took about 6 months of seeing him almost every day for me to know and realize i could be married to this man. And the ride he has taken me on would make an adventure novel seem boring...)))))))))))))))))))))))))...your soul should know
Mere Dreamer
Senior Registered
There is a huge difference between passion and compatibility. Many of the past life connections for which you feel passion will not be compatible with you in this present life.
Sometimes we meet people because we need them temporarily, like a temporary service we offer each other in a lifetime. Needing or being needed is a transaction based on lack, and once the need is filled and growth accomplished the relationship often ends.
When you find yourself thinking "if only [...]" a lot, then it's probably a sign that the relationship isn't customized for this particular lifetime or at least not anytime soon. Just because you were good together in a different life doesn't mean that this life will allow you to resonate in the same way.
Lasting, healthy relationships are based on actual, lived experience with each other, not clinging what could be "if only" something in them/you/space/time was different.
The best way to figure out if someone is a good long-term partner is to take your time. Wait out the initial state when passion manipulates your brain into seeing everything through rose colored glasses. Don't make long term commitments during that time because you're far more likely to give up things that are really important to you in order to keep the addictive feeling you get when you're with them. Until you are comfortable with the idea that you're stable with or without the relationship, you're not going to make wise decisions.
Watch carefully for conflict or alignment between your moral guidelines, lifestyles, social preferences, friendship patterns, future goals, home care preferences, teamwork skills, and other elements that shape how you live day to day. More important than anything, keep an eye on how well your conflict resolution methods blend and on how willing you both are to view relationships as a personalized educational experience, meant to fuel growth. There is a stability within mutual attraction, appreciation, communication, respect, and trust.
A healthy relationship starts when both (not just one) naturally contribute from their own abundance, creating a synergy that consistently brings out the best in each other without derailing either from their own life purpose.
Sometimes we meet people because we need them temporarily, like a temporary service we offer each other in a lifetime. Needing or being needed is a transaction based on lack, and once the need is filled and growth accomplished the relationship often ends.
When you find yourself thinking "if only [...]" a lot, then it's probably a sign that the relationship isn't customized for this particular lifetime or at least not anytime soon. Just because you were good together in a different life doesn't mean that this life will allow you to resonate in the same way.
Lasting, healthy relationships are based on actual, lived experience with each other, not clinging what could be "if only" something in them/you/space/time was different.
The best way to figure out if someone is a good long-term partner is to take your time. Wait out the initial state when passion manipulates your brain into seeing everything through rose colored glasses. Don't make long term commitments during that time because you're far more likely to give up things that are really important to you in order to keep the addictive feeling you get when you're with them. Until you are comfortable with the idea that you're stable with or without the relationship, you're not going to make wise decisions.
Watch carefully for conflict or alignment between your moral guidelines, lifestyles, social preferences, friendship patterns, future goals, home care preferences, teamwork skills, and other elements that shape how you live day to day. More important than anything, keep an eye on how well your conflict resolution methods blend and on how willing you both are to view relationships as a personalized educational experience, meant to fuel growth. There is a stability within mutual attraction, appreciation, communication, respect, and trust.
A healthy relationship starts when both (not just one) naturally contribute from their own abundance, creating a synergy that consistently brings out the best in each other without derailing either from their own life purpose.
KenJ
Moderator Emeritus
I am in awe of the wisdom you show for your age at times MD, and this is one of those times. I have experienced about everything you spoke of in my current lifetime. The thing that I might add is that you can find happiness no matter who you are with and it is possibly of no benefit to spend your life awaiting something that never happens. I've been married for sixty years at this point, forty years with someone that I loved and raised my daughters with and then someone I've been married to for twenty years, a wonderful woman, after the prior relationship never recovered adequately. My experiences do not make me an expert, but they give me an opinion as to where happiness can be found.
Whenever I hear someone say the things you posted RedSunshine, I get the feeling that they are feeling dissatisfied in their current relationship and would first suggest better communication. Please don't assume that he is understanding what you are trying to convey to him - sometimes we men need a"smack upside the head" (figuratively) or something else to get us out of the rut we get into. On the other hand, your expectations may be too high, all relationships have low-points where things seem to go flat, without the low-points there would be no measure for a high-point - what would it be like to be so content that it became boring? If I'm out in left-field about this I'm sorry, I'm perhaps thinking too much about the causes that led to my divorce where she missed the life we shared before I became disabled and she could not give up the dreams she had for our future.
The decisions and challenges that we face in our physical lifetimes are the things that are suppose to make us wise in our later years and soul-experiences - I may need more than my time allotment to reach that goal however!
Whenever I hear someone say the things you posted RedSunshine, I get the feeling that they are feeling dissatisfied in their current relationship and would first suggest better communication. Please don't assume that he is understanding what you are trying to convey to him - sometimes we men need a"smack upside the head" (figuratively) or something else to get us out of the rut we get into. On the other hand, your expectations may be too high, all relationships have low-points where things seem to go flat, without the low-points there would be no measure for a high-point - what would it be like to be so content that it became boring? If I'm out in left-field about this I'm sorry, I'm perhaps thinking too much about the causes that led to my divorce where she missed the life we shared before I became disabled and she could not give up the dreams she had for our future.
The decisions and challenges that we face in our physical lifetimes are the things that are suppose to make us wise in our later years and soul-experiences - I may need more than my time allotment to reach that goal however!
Great advices, @Mere Dreamer.
I think it also depends on character.
I am the one who always ignored good advice. I once left a relationship, because it was too perfect.
I needed more challenges.
To me it had always been a nightmare to live a perfect and dull life.
I also found it ridiculous to follow good advice (like yours) because there was always such a profound recognition and electrical magnetism that I jumped in every time again. And it was not about sex, btw. That was always secundary.
It was about meeting again. Sometimes about helping/healing eachother.
Being a good lifelong match was not an goal. Now I am in a twenty plus years relationship. That was also a big jump. After our first date we kept together and within a month I moved to his place. I think nobody thinks we are a good match, not even us ourselves. But we are tied with invisible bounds. We are old friends and old enemies and our life together made me ME. He accepts all my quirks and vice versa. I can really peacefully be ME. This is so important to me, more than daily romance.
So back to the original question: how do you know you are with the right partner?
I think you always are with the right person. For that moment. Sometimes the reason for being together is to say good bye. Sometimes you need to build your own strength for the break up. But afterwards... you remain strong. Sometimes it is about healing. My last ex said one day: I think I am healed. (He had a strong issue I helped him with) and a few weeks later we broke off. I didn’t realize by than, only years later.
@RedSunshine, I know your question is about finding the One. Finding the perfect mate. I have no answers because it depends on you and the plans you made before this life. It’s a kind of Mystery Master Plan, made by yourself. I think the only mistake you can make is not paying attention to the people who come by in your life. They might not be Mr. Perfect, but they come with gifts for you in order to learn about Life.
I think it also depends on character.
I am the one who always ignored good advice. I once left a relationship, because it was too perfect.
I needed more challenges.
To me it had always been a nightmare to live a perfect and dull life.
I also found it ridiculous to follow good advice (like yours) because there was always such a profound recognition and electrical magnetism that I jumped in every time again. And it was not about sex, btw. That was always secundary.
It was about meeting again. Sometimes about helping/healing eachother.
Being a good lifelong match was not an goal. Now I am in a twenty plus years relationship. That was also a big jump. After our first date we kept together and within a month I moved to his place. I think nobody thinks we are a good match, not even us ourselves. But we are tied with invisible bounds. We are old friends and old enemies and our life together made me ME. He accepts all my quirks and vice versa. I can really peacefully be ME. This is so important to me, more than daily romance.
So back to the original question: how do you know you are with the right partner?
I think you always are with the right person. For that moment. Sometimes the reason for being together is to say good bye. Sometimes you need to build your own strength for the break up. But afterwards... you remain strong. Sometimes it is about healing. My last ex said one day: I think I am healed. (He had a strong issue I helped him with) and a few weeks later we broke off. I didn’t realize by than, only years later.
@RedSunshine, I know your question is about finding the One. Finding the perfect mate. I have no answers because it depends on you and the plans you made before this life. It’s a kind of Mystery Master Plan, made by yourself. I think the only mistake you can make is not paying attention to the people who come by in your life. They might not be Mr. Perfect, but they come with gifts for you in order to learn about Life.
Mere Dreamer
Senior Registered
I think this is a very good point. People often focus on the "life-long, true love" ideal, but it can be just as valuable a life calling to work through a series of relationships.
RedSunshine
Senior Member
I agree that's there's no definite way to tell if you're with the right partner but can you feel it. Being a desperate woman who wants to know if I'm with the right partner, I went o check tons of relationship articles and advice where I found something worth reading. However, I'm not really sure if it's applicable to all.
I have been in a relationship for a very long time and so far, all goes well. And that's somehow the problem. it all goes well that arguments are nowhere to be found. Though we have some minor miscommunication, it still doesn't end up in a huge fight. Not that I'm actually wanting a fight but it gets too boring every day. We somehow agree with all things and because of that, we can't have different opinions to talk about. Is that weird?
KenJ
Moderator Emeritus
Of the problems within a relationship this one is perhaps the most confusing and perhaps easiest to remedy in my opinion if it is as simple as you state. Agreeing on a project, be it gardening, volunteering somewhere, collecting antiques, taking classes, starting a business, or doing some traveling. If either of you have something that you are more interested in than the other, allow those different experiences to blossom so that there is something to discuss thus creating an atmosphere where the other partner can learn how to listen if necessary. Pursue other interests, broaden your activities, take up woodworking, furniture refinishing, decorating, sewing, physical fitness - yes they all sound so easy, but it is the interest that seems to be what is lacking I imagine, the spark has faded in the relationship perhaps. I'm reminded of the old movie "The Seven Year Itch" from my youth.
The 'magic' attraction that starts a relationship will more than likely change as it evolves and there needs to have other things to hold it together to grow and develop as time goes by. This is beyond the confines of the forum to pursue so I'll limit my comments to the topic of reincarnation. I think that physical lifetimes are both numerous and yet a small portion of our existence although I have no idea why I believe that, but from that basis I would not be too concerned in finding the 'right' partner as if there was a plan that you may be violating. Those feelings are disquieting and the questions that arise are not easily answerable. Perhaps all experiences are necessary in our lifetime, my own is wondering why I am experiencing a physical existence where my physical abilities were so drastically diminished - was it a karmic lesson, a choice for some kind of advancement, a true accident, or maybe just a way to break a cycle of some kind - we can spend too much time with those questions and misdirect our energies that could be better used elsewhere. A directive that I like is "Live Where You Are Planted" as I think of the trees I've seen growing in truly strange places and flowers in an otherwise barren area.
The 'magic' attraction that starts a relationship will more than likely change as it evolves and there needs to have other things to hold it together to grow and develop as time goes by. This is beyond the confines of the forum to pursue so I'll limit my comments to the topic of reincarnation. I think that physical lifetimes are both numerous and yet a small portion of our existence although I have no idea why I believe that, but from that basis I would not be too concerned in finding the 'right' partner as if there was a plan that you may be violating. Those feelings are disquieting and the questions that arise are not easily answerable. Perhaps all experiences are necessary in our lifetime, my own is wondering why I am experiencing a physical existence where my physical abilities were so drastically diminished - was it a karmic lesson, a choice for some kind of advancement, a true accident, or maybe just a way to break a cycle of some kind - we can spend too much time with those questions and misdirect our energies that could be better used elsewhere. A directive that I like is "Live Where You Are Planted" as I think of the trees I've seen growing in truly strange places and flowers in an otherwise barren area.
Mere Dreamer
Senior Registered
I agree with Ken. If you want your relationship to be more interesting the only way to accomplish that is to experiment and try new things as individuals and as a couple. Activities and learning experiences done separately become conversation material and you get to teach each other a little of what you've learned and tell stories. When you join them together you get to work on learning and making progress as a team.
Basically, "be the fun you want to see in your relationship!" ... Yes, I totally stole that quote and just changed the words around.
Basically, "be the fun you want to see in your relationship!" ... Yes, I totally stole that quote and just changed the words around.
Graham76man
Senior Member
I believe that as you pass through puberty from the ages of 13 to 18 and it sometimes takes a bit longer. That you will look for the qualities you look for as a partner in the opposite sex, or the same sex if you are gay, in the people around you at the age of about 14, depending on diet and other factors. Due to the fact we developed this when humans were hunter/gatherers it is essential we are exposed during daylight hours to a wide range of young and old people at this time. Our minds and bodies will thus respond to attitudes and beliefs of this people. And we will select from a wide group of people the characteristics we admire or pick up from them. Certainly not from one person. Therefore the right person for you has been already selected when you were around 15.
The problem these days is that since the introduction of compulsory education, by about 14 you are generally stuck in a room for most of the daylight hours with a bunch of people the same age as you. Thus messing up the system. Since these people are sending out hormones more than a tap sends out water. You spend the day in a hormone bath! You probably encountered the girl or boy who stunk of B O at school enough to make you sick! That was the result of these hormones at least the ones you can smell. The children you hang around also have poor morals and values and have as much experience of the outside world as a fish out of water! To make certain that you ignore your parents - puberty has built into you a thing that says ignore them and learn for yourself.
The results of this are a massive divorce rates since most countries increased the school leaving age to past 13.
To give you an example. One side effect (if you are a woman) is that male hormone serotonin is found in high amounts in boys going through puberty. The effect of this is for the woman after school, sometime during, is to go after males who have high serotonin levels. Sport for example, which explains why the cheerleader girls go out with the football players. The other way that a woman can get this "drug" and her system will seek it out. Is to go out with a highly aggressive male. Hence why so many women hang around with man who will beat the crap out of them!
In the reincarnation world they have been dealing with this problem for ages. Attempts are being made to correct the problem. But with education currently being seen as wonder drug a cure for all evils, it makes the problem even bigger. I should point out that you can't teach morals, plus it's nothing to do with what is being taught. You could still have education. You just can's send kids to the same place after 13. Before that it doesn't matter, since the hunter/gatherer kept their children protected so sending kids to school up to 13 is fine. Keeping them there afterwards is currently doing more damage than good.
The problem these days is that since the introduction of compulsory education, by about 14 you are generally stuck in a room for most of the daylight hours with a bunch of people the same age as you. Thus messing up the system. Since these people are sending out hormones more than a tap sends out water. You spend the day in a hormone bath! You probably encountered the girl or boy who stunk of B O at school enough to make you sick! That was the result of these hormones at least the ones you can smell. The children you hang around also have poor morals and values and have as much experience of the outside world as a fish out of water! To make certain that you ignore your parents - puberty has built into you a thing that says ignore them and learn for yourself.
The results of this are a massive divorce rates since most countries increased the school leaving age to past 13.
To give you an example. One side effect (if you are a woman) is that male hormone serotonin is found in high amounts in boys going through puberty. The effect of this is for the woman after school, sometime during, is to go after males who have high serotonin levels. Sport for example, which explains why the cheerleader girls go out with the football players. The other way that a woman can get this "drug" and her system will seek it out. Is to go out with a highly aggressive male. Hence why so many women hang around with man who will beat the crap out of them!
In the reincarnation world they have been dealing with this problem for ages. Attempts are being made to correct the problem. But with education currently being seen as wonder drug a cure for all evils, it makes the problem even bigger. I should point out that you can't teach morals, plus it's nothing to do with what is being taught. You could still have education. You just can's send kids to the same place after 13. Before that it doesn't matter, since the hunter/gatherer kept their children protected so sending kids to school up to 13 is fine. Keeping them there afterwards is currently doing more damage than good.
RedSunshine
Senior Member
I agree with Ken. If you want your relationship to be more interesting the only way to accomplish that is to experiment and try new things as individuals and as a couple. Activities and learning experiences done separately become conversation material and you get to teach each other a little of what you've learned and tell stories. When you join them together you get to work on learning and making progress as a team.
Basically, "be the fun you want to see in your relationship!" ... Yes, I totally stole that quote and just changed the words around.
I love that! Thanks everyone for sharing your opinions and suggestions. I'm taking note
I believe in keeping things clear and simple:
If you're in a happy relationship, then you're with the right partner;
else, you aren't with the right partner (for the time being).
Keep monitoring your state of happiness!
Hoping an unhappy relationship will turn happy is futile. It never happens. The other way, can happen.