Eowyn
Wrought out of steel
I never thought I’d get results so soon. When I first came to this forum I was only looking for some answers, for the cause of deep depression/anxiety which has haunted me especially the last few years and which I noticed became stronger in the autumn. Not that this has something to do with past lives, though I really have no reason for this state of depression, now. But then I wondered if it could be somehow related to another feeling, one which has been with me since I was just a child: this emptiness and this longing for “someone” who doesn’t exist in reality. I’ll call him H for now.
Well, I gave him a name, and I gave him some looks, and this physical image became one of my characters in a story I started to write when I was 13, but it had been in my mind long before that, as I used to go to sleep thinking of him and the story. This character has a life of his own (the story is in a future time so no doubt there), and I know it’s just a reflection my mind has created for H, from the “memories” I have. It’s the feelings I have which are so strong, which are no “normal” for a grown-up woman like me. When you are a teenager you “fall in love” with rock stars or actors and probably you hate them a few years later or you don’t understand how you could be so silly. Of course this is different: I really miss this person, I really feel we were close some time before, it’s not the “physical image” alone but his “essence” that endures in my memory, a happiness that I once had and now I seem unable to find anywhere, even when I do have someone by my side who cares for me. And these feelings have never ever disappeared, neither changed. They even become stronger when things are going wrong.
I never knew where or when H and I could have met, for I’ve never had clear memories of past lives, only thoughts and feelings about places, nothing more. Until… during one of my self-hypnosis sessions only ten days ago, I had this vision of a beach, in a Northern coast (I thought it could be Scotland or Ireland, for I feel very attracted to these regions). The day was grey and windy, it was a stony beach… and there was him. He looked a lot like the image I have of him in my mind, only he had the hair even more blonde, he was wearing a white blouse similar to the ones that pirates wear, and loose-fitting trousers. I was a young woman wearing a long grey dress, long-sleeved (sorry but I feel already limited in Spanish when it comes to the details, even more in English). We were just playing, running, having fun.
Of course, I just thought it was my imagination.
But then, the scene changed. Suddenly I was walking down a street, alone. There were more people from the town around me, I “knew” somehow we were neighbours, returning from a ceremony that had taken place in a church, a white chapel which was on the top of an elevated point. I knew there had been a funeral. Then I had this overwhelming feeling, I could feel everything as I was really there, I could feel this deep sadness inside me, I was walking head down and I was so sad, but it wasn’t for the person that had died. I was thinking about H, fearing that he would do just that to me, that “he would make a widow of me” (though I don’t think we were married). He was always travelling, and I feared that one day he just wouldn’t return.
Well, I gave him a name, and I gave him some looks, and this physical image became one of my characters in a story I started to write when I was 13, but it had been in my mind long before that, as I used to go to sleep thinking of him and the story. This character has a life of his own (the story is in a future time so no doubt there), and I know it’s just a reflection my mind has created for H, from the “memories” I have. It’s the feelings I have which are so strong, which are no “normal” for a grown-up woman like me. When you are a teenager you “fall in love” with rock stars or actors and probably you hate them a few years later or you don’t understand how you could be so silly. Of course this is different: I really miss this person, I really feel we were close some time before, it’s not the “physical image” alone but his “essence” that endures in my memory, a happiness that I once had and now I seem unable to find anywhere, even when I do have someone by my side who cares for me. And these feelings have never ever disappeared, neither changed. They even become stronger when things are going wrong.
I never knew where or when H and I could have met, for I’ve never had clear memories of past lives, only thoughts and feelings about places, nothing more. Until… during one of my self-hypnosis sessions only ten days ago, I had this vision of a beach, in a Northern coast (I thought it could be Scotland or Ireland, for I feel very attracted to these regions). The day was grey and windy, it was a stony beach… and there was him. He looked a lot like the image I have of him in my mind, only he had the hair even more blonde, he was wearing a white blouse similar to the ones that pirates wear, and loose-fitting trousers. I was a young woman wearing a long grey dress, long-sleeved (sorry but I feel already limited in Spanish when it comes to the details, even more in English). We were just playing, running, having fun.
Of course, I just thought it was my imagination.
But then, the scene changed. Suddenly I was walking down a street, alone. There were more people from the town around me, I “knew” somehow we were neighbours, returning from a ceremony that had taken place in a church, a white chapel which was on the top of an elevated point. I knew there had been a funeral. Then I had this overwhelming feeling, I could feel everything as I was really there, I could feel this deep sadness inside me, I was walking head down and I was so sad, but it wasn’t for the person that had died. I was thinking about H, fearing that he would do just that to me, that “he would make a widow of me” (though I don’t think we were married). He was always travelling, and I feared that one day he just wouldn’t return.
