Hmm.
Disclaimer: I am no expert.
Now, I do not condone violence. Ever. But as a history buff I do know that although murder has often (usually) been met with severe consequences and sometimes considered a mortal sin, there have been times and locales where violent reactions were considered more commonplace than today, in the western world. Some forms of killing may not have even been considered murder, in fact - infanticide if the baby could not be relied upon to grow up a strong benefit to its clan is one example. Military actions were and are another. So too generally has it been considered defense to shoot (I don't own and have never fired a gun, BTW) an intruder in your home. A woman being raped would not have been considered wrong to grab a knife and kill her attacker and today would probably not be blamed per se although a long legal process would ovbiously be involved.
But there have always been gray areas too.
What about a spouse who was horrifically abused but killed her husband when she was not in literal imminent danger - say, while he was asleep?
What about the man whose rival ran him into the ground and caused him to lose everything he owned and even wooed his wife and children from him, forever?
What about the mentally ill person who thinks she is killing a demon?
What about the man who illegally procures fatal drugs for his mother so she is finally free of the torturous pain of her cancer?
Only you know the circumstances of the murders you committed but although murder will always be wrong, full stop, people are highly imperfect. Highly. And sometimes we have gone through things that ultimately made us do things we swore we never would. Can you forgive yourself? Can you really think about what that all meant and what it means for how differently you will treat life today? And do you understand that some who would gasp with horror at your story may have done the same thing at some time, in some place?
