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Spiritual progression when negativity is removed?

Amy

Amy

Senior Registered
My husband and I are were just discussing dealing with negative people and as we talked we came upon a question that neither of us could answer.

As simple as this may sound we actually were wondering if by removing ourselves from negative people, situations, and their influences can we spiritually advance ourselves?

Or...is it our mission to meet these people and/or situations head on and deal with it as we see fit?

In my husband's case, he was comtemplating visiting his grandmother tomorrow. When he called to give her notice that he would be arriving at her house tomorrow, she gave him the cold shoulder.

He sees this as reason NOT to go visiting with her and his ailing 93 yr old grandfather.

He stated that the problem wasn't how she is living her life or how he feels he is living his life but the problem is how she views how he is living his life?

So back to the original question. In order to spiritually advance, in this type situation, should you avoid the situation altogether, or should you deal with it?

I explained to my husband that I didn't want to keep being reincarnated dealing with the same problems over and over. I want to get past those problems so that I can glean the real reasons why I am here once again.
 
Hi Amy,

Imo -- we can never fully remove ourself from negative influences -- not in any life. They are all around us -- all the time. I believe the best course of action -- is to deal with it head-on.

I was having problems with a very negative co-worker, who no matter what I did, chose to rant and rave at me -- take out all of her frustrations and anger without any provocation whatsoever. By the end of the day -- I was frustrated and unhappy, very often in tears.

A very wise friend told me -- that next time she acts like that say "I'm sorry you choose to feel that way," remain calm and walk away. I did -- and it worked. The same friend told me that -- we cannot control people's actions, only our own reactions. If someone chooses to feel a certain way and this causes them to act negatively towards us -- the best thing we can choose to do -- is to reflect back at them in love -- and with compassion. Sometimes - for our own benefit we need to remove ourselves from this person's life.

This is consciously creating a better situation for ourselves -- by choosing to react with love, instead of anger. It has very positive effects on our body and mind -- by raising vibrations. Negative emotions lower them, block the floor of energy within our bodies.

Learning to combat negativity with compassion -- in my opinion -- is one of the biggest lessons we can learn. :)

Aili
 
Yes, it can be a hard one. As Ailish says the bottom line is you can only control your own behaviour, not that of other people. You can only influence the behaviour of another person by setting a good example and hoping they follow it. Anger, spite, retribution, criticism and coldness tend to add to the problem, not solve it.

I have some 'bad karma' with my sister which has been accumulating over several lives although she does not know all this stuff that I know and I don't dare bring it up with her as it would no doubt freak her right out (mostly being quite blood splattered as it is). Put it this way, we have both done the 'wrong' thing from time to time and as far as I know should be more or less even Stevens by now.

I don't wish her any ill will, quite the reverse, but she has taken a set against me for reasons that make no sense (unless you know all this other stuff which also involves a love triangle which has been going on for a very long time if you know what I mean) and we very seldom speak. If we meet accidentally at a social gathering she makes a point of avoiding me. I have tried a few overtures and been rebuffed very sternly over the years. I really don't know what to do about it, as I would like to be able to do something to set things to right and at least be on civil terms with her.

All I can do is leave her alone, think kindly towards her and hope that one day the situation may change or fate may provide an opportunity to make things right. Obviously there is something we are both supposed to be learning (if you believe there is a higher purpose to anything anyway) but I am in the dark as to what it is at this time.
 
I guess that one of my life tasks has been "how to deal with difficult people". You can´t avoid these situations or persons, if you have to work with them everyday or if your family member is difficult.

You can try to react with love, if you know that the negativity is due to a difficult life situations, for example divorce, and the person is channeling his/her frustration to innocent people. In some extent, I understand this kind of behavior but still I cannot accept it. But with these people it sometimes helps that you just listen with compassion what they have to say.

But there are more severe cases who practically see compassion and love as weakness and these people just try to abuse you because of your softness in every imaginable way. In these cases, if you can´t just go away, you have to fight. However, there are rules for war. The key word with these people is respect. You have to earn their respect by standing up for yourself but you have to also respect the other person. No use to call him/her the biggest as*hole in the world. There are ways to negotiate or fight without slinging mud at him/her. I´ve been able to reconcile with "raging bulls" in this way.

Still there are people who are even more difficult than this. Nothing works with them and practically the only thing is that you can do is to go away and avoid the person as much as you can. Hanging out too much with these people is detrimental to your soul and physical health. If you still want to do something with these guys, reveal there evilness and call the police.

I´ve constantly ran in to these situations for 8 years now. Before that, I hardly ever was in conflict with anyone. Or if I was, I couldn´t deal with them. I think, this is karma and I have to say that my 8 years in the "War Academy" have been very educative. ;) Dealing with negative and difficult people have forced me to use my power (I certainly do have that). IMO, the correct and constructive use of power has also been one of my life tasks.
 
Lila P said:
The key word with these people is respect. You have to earn their respect by standing up for yourself.
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This reminds me of a PL memory I recently had. I was a plantation owner's daughter in the 1700's in American South. I don't know how bad a person I really was, but I was a spoiled and selfish teenager. I had a black maid, Lottie, who I wasn't best friends with. She obviously had to do everything I told her, and even though she always made it clear with her facial expression (like made of stone) she didn't enjoy it, I still considered her weak and didn't respect her - I was often pretty mean to her. *blush*

One time I was being particularly moody and snapped at her many times. Suddenly she somehow lost it, showed real anger and slapped my face a couple of times. :eek: I was shocked and furious - my first reaction was to run and tell someone so that she would get punished, but somehow I changed my mind, started to actually respect Lottie and wouldn't tell anyone about the incident.

It got better between us after that, but we weren't still friends. However, I do remember she was with me to old age and as adults I think we almost liked each other. Of course she was my slave, so maybe her feelings weren't very genuine... : angel

I think I've progressed from that life spiritually - I was the negative person then, and even if I might still sometimes be, it's not as bad anymore.

Does anyone else have PL memories that indicate progress from negativity to positivity?

Karoliina
 
I just had to add and admit that I still have a tendency to admire and respect people that are mentally "strong" as compared to mentally "weak" (these are, of course, only my personal definitions) - and you can tell this by looking at who my friends are.

I wasn't trying to hide this when I was younger, but nowadays I think I've learned to "control" it a little better, and I understand how different people have different strengths, and have genuine compassion towards, say, shy people instead of pity etc.

So I'm still far away from perfect, but at least I've acknowledged the situation and remembering how I was in some past lives has certainly helped! :thumbsup:

Karoliina
 
I tend to go with Ailish' way of thinking. I also believe that people who try to reflect negativity on us, are trying to drain energy from us. With the reaction : 'I'm sorry YOU choose to feel this way' , one can stop this energy-stealing. It may take a while, but when you keep refusing to get sucked in their negativity, after a while - and often after heavy discussions, trying to make you feel guilty of not agreeing with their line of thought, accusing you of being heartless, egoistic, etc, etc - they will have to stop. You see, it takes two to argue and fight ! If one refuses to take part of this negative energy game, the other party just has to give up after a while.
So yes, don't avoid it, but deal with it, by building a mental wall against negativity, and send out as much positive thoughts as you can - positive towards them, but first and IMO most important, building a Love and Light protection shield for yourself, so that the negative energy cannot touch you.

And yes, I think this is a lesson everyone needs to learn in every negative relation, over and over again maybe, till it almost becomes a habit, in order to stop these situations from occuring again and again throughout lifetimes. I think that the more one gets skilled in this 'turning negative into positive', the sooner the problem gets detected the next time, and the sooner it can be dealt with, and so on and on, untill you are so strong that no new energy thief gets a chance with you. Of course, this make take years for a Soul to master, most probably lifetimes...

Eevee
 
No hard and fast rules here

Amy and all - My personal belief is that avoidance gets us nowhere. We're here for the conflict. However, if avoidance means standing up for yourself against an abusive person, that's different.

Here's another idea:I went with a friend to her church one Sunday, and her pastor described how we can train ourselves to love. He was talking about loving your neighbor, but it applies to any wish for change.

“Folks,” he said. “I realize you may not, right now, love your neighbor – your ‘neighbor’ being anyone you find difficult to love. But you can love them eventually if you act like you do. Act as though you love this person when you see her. Smile when you see her. Ask her how she is. Tell yourself you care about her answer. Listen, really listen. Nod your head as a concerned, attentive person would. Go through all the motions. Do this every time you see her. Act as though you love her, and, eventually, you will.”

Fake it, in other words, and it can become real with practice; we are capable of changing from the outside in.

On the other hand, like Tanguerra, my relationship with my sister has been rocky in many lifetimes. (Boy, did that all sound familiar, Tanguerra! :laugh: ) In this lifetime, things came to a head when my grandmother died. I was close to Grandma; she was not. My sister chose to villainize me when I had done nothing wrong, and I realized she had been abusive toward me in such subtle ways over the years that I hadn't realized it. For me, at that point, it was over. We didn't talk for about ten years. It made no difference to me either.

Now she is being nice. She emailed me a while back and said she had done things she wasn't proud of (not a real apology, of course). My guides told me she has a sense of inadequacy, and I need to understand that. Yeah - OK. The healthy thing for me was to get away from her, but now I am nice when I see her, and it's fine -- just much, much more removed and distant than our previous relationship.

There are no rules for engagement with a mean person except you will know when you've done the right thing. ;) True, but not a lot of help, I know. :)
 
P.s.

I liked Karoliina's story about her and Lottie. :D I bet Lottie is a greatly loved soul. Is she in your life now?
 
Hello everyone,

Nice replies... :thumbsup: It is interesting just how strong "family ties" are concerning karmic issues and rescues... :rolleyes:
 
mertzie said:
I liked Karoliina's story about her and Lottie. :D I bet Lottie is a greatly loved soul. Is she in your life now?
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Thanks, Mary. :D I have a suspicion who she might be now, but I'm not sure. ;)

Karoliina
 
building a Love and Light protection shield for yourself, so that the negative energy cannot touch you.
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Eevee, I think that this is a good method in a situation when there´s nothing else you can do about it. Last summer I read Victor Frankl´s book about his experiences in concentration camps during the WWII, and this is pretty much the only way you can survive from an otherwise unbearable situation. I´ve also read about sexually abused girls who use OBE to detach themselves from the terrifying situation.

But in these extreme situations the psyche uses so called defence mechanisms, which are more or less automatic or subconcious. They are there to protect you, but abundant use of (primitive) defence mechanisms usually lead to serious mental problems and unresolved anger issues.

Karoliina, I loved your story about you and Lottie. :) I have a feeling that I´ve misused power in PLs, but I can´t remember anything specific.
 
Lila P said:
Karoliina, I loved your story about you and Lottie. :) I have a feeling that I´ve misused power in PLs, but I can´t remember anything specific.
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Thank you, too, Lila. :) I remember also other situations where I've been horrible to those "underneath" me hierarchically. They are not the easiest memories, but they certainly have a lesson for me I'm still trying to learn.

Karoliina
 
Unfortunately, there's no one way to deal with negative people. However, I've learned through painful experience that there are ground rules.

The way other people do things is right FOR THEM. I may or may not do it the same way, and that's ok, too.

Other people came by their beliefs honestly, just as I came by mine. They are entitled to them, and I am entitled to agree or disagree. I am also entitled to listen, ignore, or if I am offended, say so. I am not, however, obligated to explain or defend my beliefs any time I feel they're challenged.

I am entitled not to be abused, and to stay away from anyone who doesn't understand that.

Hope this helps!
 
Well, I comfort myself with the knowledge that at least this time, despite my sister and I having our differences, no actual blood as such has been spilled!

This time I am aware there are issues and would like to do something about it if and when an opportunity presents itself. This in itself is actually huge progress! :)
 
mertzie said:
Amy and all - My personal belief is that avoidance gets us nowhere. We're here for the conflict. However, if avoidance means standing up for yourself against an abusive person, that's different.
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Yeah, I think that avoidance is an excuse to not solve the problem, to put all the blame on the other person, to accuse them of being the "bad one" and not learning forgiveness in the true sense. Seems that a lot of people dismiss others over some real superficial stuff.


I have to agree that if someone is abusive and has caused you direct harm the best way is to forgive them, to let go of that thing they did that made you hurt. I recently had someone who was somewhat stalking me try to hurt me and it isn't a good situation to be in. Especially when they stab you right in the back. But throughout this whole ordeal, I have worked very hard at not being angry about what happened and I think it's paying off. This sure has been the year for lessons for me, that's no lie. ;) When you get in situations that aren't comfortable with other people who cause you harm, it sure can make you stronger.
 
Hmmm....


wow, this thread is pretty awesome. I have to say, I've read a lot of helpful things here, ideas I hadn't considered before.


I'm the kind of person who lets external things influence my state of mind and attitude very strongly. And I don't really know how to change that about myself. So when I'm faced with negativity from outside, it totally changes my mood,my disposition towards others, and even my view of things.


Unfortunately, I was raised in a family who believes in ''tough love'', and in expressing concern over others through criticism. So basically I have to deal with negativity on a daily basis, in my home environment. And, well, it really sucks!


My attitude has always been to fight back viciously. You make me feel bad,I make you feel worse. Fight negativity with negativity. Shockingly,it doesn't work....:rolleyes:


But I really like Ailish and Eevie's take on this dealing with negative people and situations. It's something I think I could definitely work on. Thanks!:thumbsup:
 
Hiya Rowan,


It's nice to see you back again! Hope things are going well for you :D


Aili
 
Hello Rowan and welcome back - it's nice to see you again! :)


I'm glad you've found useful ideas here. :thumbsup:


Karoliina
 
I, personally, am a great walker-awayer.


If it's too much (and it's not a person I "need") I will leave for good. It's just not worth it to me. I was born an only child and being alone is just fine as far as I'm concerned.


If it is someone I need (my son, or a close family member) I'll walk just a little bit away---but I'll let them know I'm always within hailing distance and when things calm down they are more than welcome to bend my ear---I just don't want to deal with the unnecessary junk.


I can't speak for anyone else but my life is too short for that and I don't have enough drive to endlessly try to "improve" myself (by whose standards i'd like to know) and "learn" from other peoples' issues if they eat away at my peace of mind.


Again, that doesn't apply to my family. We stick together even when it's muddy, that's the whole point of family as far as I'm concerned.
 
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