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Japan

tanguerra

Moderator Emeritus
Still sticking bits of lives where they belong. Apologies to those who are familiar with this story - the story of 'Old Japan':

One night after a HUGE argument with my sister, I used the 'Heart Center' meditation technique to try to work out what the heck was going on. I identify my present life sister with the husband in this life...

I had only had two images but I knew there was some sort of marital infidelity and a violent death involved, but I was not able to get a lot more, so thought I would try activating the heart centre and go into the emotions to see if that yielded any more information.

I saw blood splattered on rice paper wall panel when the blade was flicked (and the horrible sound it made) and saw the body of a young man on the floor, bleeding out onto a tatami mat, the blood soaking into his black hair, wearing a very plain black outfit. It was Japan.

At first I thought I was the murderous husband (as I have had other memories as a Samurai man) then I kept seeing the husband in the third person (looking up at him standing over the boy) and thought, hang on, maybe I am not him, maybe I'm her? I went into the emotion behind the images and realised I was the wife, then I got more details.

I was married to a much older man. It was an arranged marriage. He was rich. I was young. He had been away to visit the capital and meet with the Shogun (to be offered an important position of some sort). He was wearing a very elaborate yellow kimono (which I thought was weird until I realised he had just come back from this important trip to the capital and so was all dressed up). I was having an affair with this boy, who was a servant or underling of some sort - we believed we were 'in love' although it had not been going on very long. I had been taking advantage of my husband's absence, but he had come back a day or so early with his exciting news. I had sent all the other servants away, since the boss was out of town I had told them they could have a holiday (so I could be alone with my lover).

Hubby had realised something was up when he came back (with his entourage of men - Samurai?) and there were no house servants around. He had quietly come upon us alone in my room. I don't think we were 'in flagrante', as we were dressed, but he quickly figured out what was going on. We both had our hair down (people always wore it tied up then) and were in the bedroom, but I get the feeling we were playing a game of some sort - anyway we were laughing and having fun. I have an image of him dragging the boy up by the hair and cutting his throat with great precision and very little mess considering. It was quite creepy as you can imagine. Some blood got on his fancy kimono and that made him almost as angry as the whole other business.

The only thing that saved my life was that nobody else knew about the affair as I had been very discreet and especially since he had this new position he did not want any scandal and he certainly did not want anyone to know about the disgrace. He never spoke to me again though or even looked at me. He told his men he had killed a thief trying to rob the house while the servants were away and I was sleeping and had dispatched him with his knife. He had them dispose of the body and the mess.

I think I was sent away and occasionally wheeled out for official function type things, but otherwise totally disgraced. I can remember sitting at some formal dinner thing, all dolled up with elaborate clothing and such and my husband never so much as glanced in my direction, let alone spoke to me. I had many years to ponder on this tragic love story and built up a lot of romance, not to mention guilt, around it. I believe the boy may be someone I know now, also possibly the husband.
 
From 'Memories of your "first love":

...What a weird coincidence. Last night I was remembering something and it was just such a memory. It belongs with an affair I recalled a while ago, which unfortunately ended rather badly.
I have been trying out a new technique, which is to relax as per usual, then to imagine myself in front of a large wall of shelving and run my eyes over all the costumes there and see what seems to 'jump out' at me. Last night a delicate, pale green kimono was foremost and 'voila' there I was wearing it and sitting in a garden. It was not very comfortable really wearing all that and with the fancy hair style and all, but nonetheless I was feeling a bit pleased with myself wearing this lovely outfit and knew I looked gorgeous and was feeling very happy because I was in love.


In that life I was a young Japanese woman, early 20s or less, married to a much older man who I did not love. The marriage had been arranged. I had an affair with a young man and I remembered the earliest days of our love affair, which were filled with such joy and excitement it almost made what followed later 'worth it'. I remembered various scenes in particular we were playing 'Go' a kind of board game with black and white tiles. There were various other servants and so on around and we were having a fun time, lots of laughter. I think the 'boss' was away, as he often was so we were a bit more relaxed than usual. My young friend deliberately touched my hand a couple of times and we were exchanging shy looks (for fear of being caught out) and it was all terribly exciting.


That was my only experience of love in that otherwise fairly unhappy life. I remembered the first time we met and it was very much the same feeling as meeting that chap again in this life - an electric type of recognition, feeling of fate, etc. The chap was, (and still is) very careless of convention and a free spirit which is what I liked then and still like about him (and what tends to keep getting him into trouble).
 
From 'My friend X'

...the other day he came over to do some washing (long story) and we were sitting in my back yard. He quite spontaneously started telling me all about these Japanese circular symbols "Kamon" used by the different families in the Shogun period, similar to coats of arms. I did not say anything but the hair came up on the back of my neck. I have not told him the Japanese story or any other stories for that matter.
He had a hole in the knee of a pair of jeans and I was sewing it up for him (his eyes are bad) and I nearly cried thinking how happy I was that he is not dead! It sounds silly if you don't know the whole story, but I was thinking back to wishing (back then, in the long years I had to think about it after it happened) that somehow the wound he had in his neck could have been sewn up or something could have been done to save his life, anything! but there he was sitting in my back yard drinking tea chatting away quite unconcerned about these kamon while I mended his pants for him.
 
I have remembered various other little snippets of this one.


I remember being brought by my brothers by boat to my new home. (I was actually on a boat at the time, in real life, sailing between some islands and it just kind of came back to me somehow). It was an arranged marriage, as I have said. He was rich, I was young. Our family was 'respectable' but not as rich. That was how things were. I remembered being very excited about the prospect of being married and a 'grown up lady' in charge of my own house and everything, but also, obviously a certain amount of apprehension at leaving my home, however, at the time the future looked very bright indeed and I was excited and optimistic and even felt rather glamourous....


I remembered the aftermath of that terrible night. My husband's men had taken the body away but there was still blood on the floor and him yelling at me (quietly, so the servants would not hear) 'How could you do this to me....?'


He was terribly upset, naturally. We both were! Here he was, he'd come back with his exciting news, expecting praise and admiration and instead... He told me to pack my things and stalked out of the room. I was shuffled off to the country early the next morning. He told everyone that I was sick because of the upset of the 'burglar' and I was sent off to his country house, up in the mountains somewhere. It was misty and cold. I had a nice little garden which I used to enjoy and only about two servants (I was in terrible disgrace). There I spent many, many years in solitude, sorrow and shame, the rest of that life as far as I know.
 
A little snippet on Japan from an older post ... this was written not long after my friend X had moved out of the apartment we were sharing:

...I had spent Saturday doing housework and so forth as usual, but also pottering around on my own (very strange feeling for me who has not lived alone before in this life) ...
By Sunday afternoon, all was done, all looked lovely, the dog had even been bathed and walked. I lay down on my lovely bench seat I have in the back garden, tossed aside the new magazine I had bought, and felt sorry for myself (as one does).


Suddenly, as I lay back and closed my eyes to shed a quiet and self-pitying tear, I remembered just such a situation in Old Japan. It was a very deja vu like experience.


After the dreadful incident occurred back then (blood! death! bad!), I was hustled off to the country, to a very beautiful little house in the mountains, where I lived in seclusion, with a couple of servants or so, and had just such a nice little garden where I used to sit and 'pine' for many, many, long years in lonely solitude. As always with these things, I had a superimposed image of the 'now' situation, which on a scale of 1-10 is about a 6 or something by comparison. Nevertheless, I remembered what happened after the 'incident' back then.


On that night, once his men had removed the body (the blood was still on the floor), I was quite hysterical as you can imagine, my husband told me to stay in my room and pack my things. He told all the servants that I was terribly upset by the "attempted burglary" and it was too much for my nerves and I had to go away to have a rest in the country. The last thing he wanted was for me to say anything to the servants or for any whisper of scandal to get out of course, and I'm sure the very sight of me caused him terrible upset in the circumstances too - no doubt. The next morning, first thing, I was hustled off to one of his houses in the country and there I stayed, for years and years. I had no children. Only disgrace and bitterness. Back then I had a long time to think about what went wrong, and I believe I built up all sorts of romantic ideas about the young man and of course, no wonder, as it was X and this always happens.


With my present day mind, I compared 'our' situation, and obviously, my situation 'now' is vastly superior. I am my own woman and can do whatever the heck I like. I have no husband to order me about, my home is my very own and I am not 'in disgrace' in any way. I have done absolutely nothing wrong. Indeed, I have behaved very, very well. There is no guilt whatsoever about how I have conducted myself with regard to X. I have two gorgeous children of my own and X is alive and well and only living up the road after all. Although I am rather cross with him and we are a bit estranged at the moment for reasons I find a bit unfathomable - but 'whatever'...


It occurred to me what a creative but also destructive force he has always been in my 'lives' in some ways. Although I always have felt and continue to feel despite the current vexation - exactly the same way I have always felt about him (annoyingly enough sometimes) - so much grief! So much drama! Back in Old Japan it was very wrong of him to flirt with me as he did and it was very wrong of me to respond.... as it was in Poland with strangely mirrored consequences (blood! death! bad!) .... Now - things are different. I am older and wiser and the wheel has turned. Now I understand what I am doing and why... sort of...


This is a good thing.
Funny how I gave the event of X moving out of our apartment a '6' on a scale of 1-10 back then - especially compared with all the drama of the Japanese story! It seems like about a 0.5 now. Amazing what a bit of time and perspective does.


Last night I was thinking about Japan and Poland and thinking how odd it was that in both cases there was infidelity and an 'honour' killing involved. I wonder if the Japanese life came not long after Poland? It would have been about the 'Shogun era' or 'Edo period' (1603-1868) which would work.


Hmmmm. I'm not usually a believe in 'tit for tat' karma, but it is an odd coincidence.


Poland: http://www.reincarnationforum.com/threads/poland.1284/
 
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I saw a movie last night - 13 Assassins (very violent and not recommended for the feint hearted). It was set in the late Shogunate era in Japan (19th Century) when Samurai warriors were still roaming about, getting into all sorts of mischief.


People have a fairly romantic view of the Samurai / Warlord era much as they do about the European 'age of chivalry' I guess which was in some ways a paralell period of warlordism in Europe although a few centuries earlier. But that's because they weren't there! The ideals that they supposedly had of honour, duty and courage etc are no doubt real, but as is not unusual, I doubt that many of the acutal people at the time really lived up to them. I always thought of samurai and the Shoguns as armed thugs and bullies, not unlike the mafia.


Anyway, this film really gave me the willies because it shows just how brutal that period was, how badly women were treated and so on. But, even more than that, one of the 'Lords' was wearing a yellow kimono (although in the movie it was a pale gold colour) decorated with 'kamon' - which was the logo of a particular family and worn by all the household retainers.


Brrr!
 
The strangest thing happened last night. It's all the more remarkable in many ways because I haven't had a lot of 'flashbacks' recently, but I had one last night (a big one). I thought I had put a lot of that kind of stuff behind me since I resolved a lot of weird feelings about My friend X ages ago. We mature, we work things out, life moves on and so forth... "I will always love him" (Whitney Houston style) ... anyway...


In this life, I've had a small handful of important friends I've known for several decades in my little inner city 'village' since I was about 21 years old, and I count them as my closest friends (lucky me). Some I have known much longer than X in this life (none of them have/had any past life associations for me). For the past 12 months or so I have taken up with 'V' who I have known him for 30 years this life. We were always just 'mates'. Looking at it now, I (and several others) wonder why this didn't happen long ago - after all, V is tall and handsome and clever (just my type and everything). It didn't mainly for reasons of timing I suppose, and well, I just never thought of him 'that way'... and there was always the fixation on X of course, which 'everyone' knew about. V's heard all about it (more than once). X and I have had a bit of a falling out recently and haven't spoken for a month or two. It's absolutely, positively, nothing to do with V. It's strictly between X and me. It'll blow over in due course I'm sure.


But so to get to the flashback, last night, V was over to see me and I made him a cup of tea. He was bare chested and wearing a pair of loose black trousers... (it was quite hot and we were just relaxing at home). He momentarily sat up straight and tossed back his cup of tea very quickly (as he does - nothing unusual). Then he made a remark about how that's how 'tea and beer' should be drunk luke warm because it's more 'thirst quenching' that way (although he doesn't ever drink beer). But, for some reason, the combination of the 'outfit' and the way he tossed back the cup of tea and made that remark made 'the hairs' come up. I was silent a moment and (probably because of that) he said some general remark like 'some people might disagree, but that's what I think anyway'. I said 'Well, yes. That's the samurai way'. (Because - well - it is - How do I know this stuff? I just do.). V knows me (all about me) well enough to just 'nod' when I say 'stuff like that'. He's heard many stories. We've discussed some of it. He knows. It just is what it is. So, nothing more was said about that remark, and we just went to bed not long after that. No big deal. Situation normal.


Later on, we were lying cuddled up together and he'd fallen asleep. I had a BIG FAT flashback to the 'Japan thing'. I remembered him as the husband in the 'alleged incident'. It actually makes a lot more sense (emotionally) than picturing my sister in that role (even though a fight with her was the catalyst for the memory at the time, so that's mainly why I thought it must have been her ... idk). V's temperament in this life just so fits that behaviour. It just suddenly made sense. I thought "Oh, of course". But, rather than 'the flashback' being a memory of pain, fear, blood and sadness ... which this memory has always been for me, I remembered our first few years of married life before 'all that' happened. It was a flashback of great tenderness and strangely in the process I could really feel his pain too.


I remembered being his bright and shiny new young bride. I remembered him being very proud of me and attentive to me. I remembered his being very kind and gentle to me. I remember him patiently teaching me important grown up things. I remembered us laughing together. I remembered us being very happy together for a while there. There were many, many vivid flashes of happy times. Then, I guess, we grew apart a bit. I was young and silly (maybe 18 or 20). He was older (at least in his 40s or 50s then? Seemed ancient to me at the time anyway - who knows?). He was away a lot. He was ambitious. He was on the way up. He was always 'working'. He was that sort of guy (he still is, but I understand it all much better now). I was young then. I was silly. I was bored. I was lacking attention... there was X... the rest is history (literally, although probably I'm the only one who remembers exactly what happened).


So, during the 'flashback' it occurred to me that here are V and I NOW - of a similar age and social status - lying in each others arms happy as two clams. He's only a few years older than me. There's no economic dependency or social or parental or any other pressure on us. We are adults and can literally do pretty much whatever we want. We've practically grown up together (we've known each other since our 20s) and I have chosen, of my own free will, to be with V. I wondered what would have happened if X hadn't come along then and messed everything up? Was it fate? What is fate? What if X hadn't been around this life, would I have learned what I've learned about love? Would V have learned to be more gentle now if 'all that' hadn't happened then?... Many thoughts about love, time, forgiveness and understanding....


Of course, I still love X as I always will although I'm peeved with him at present. Sure, he's annoying sometimes, but there's no doubt our current spat will be resolved in due course. Hopefully this life for preference - whatever! I'm actually a bit sick of it frankly - he's caused me a lot of 'trouble' (not just this life).


But, during the 'flashback', I could deeply feel how much I must have hurt V back then. This doesn't excuse violence. There's never any excuse. But suddenly I could 'intuit' his pain at the time (knowing him as I do). Obviously he was furious and it damaged his pride enormously (possibly his reputation), but it would also have 'broken his heart'.


In these days V would literally never hurt a fly. He's a bit hot tempered sometimes, sure, but it's always with words and intellectual 'cut and thrust'. He would never raise his hand in anger. V is an absolute pacifist, even a bit of a wuss in that regard and proud of it if anything. More than once I've actually broken up a fight while he's just stood back and watched true story, yes really :) . But, as I've (we've) slowly matured, I've worked it out for myself (perhaps V has too): V wins hands down in any of the important contests - as a friend, as a man, as a 'boyfriend', a lover and just a good person ... I choose to be with him over X with all my heart at this time in my life and as far as I'm concerned, the foreseeable future.


They say time heals all wounds. They're right about that. Love and forgiveness. Both are infinite.


This is my song for today. Make of it what you will:

 
Thanks for taking the time to share all of this tanguerra. I've been reading along, and it's all very interesting. Thanks for the update :thumbsup:
 
Thanks Chris. It's great being able to talk about this stuff to people who just go 'Oh, interesting' instead of trying to convince me I'm imagining things or something.


The best thing about this little revelation the other night is that something just sort of went 'click'. The best lesson from all this for me is that, no matter what drastic stuff has gone on in the past, we really do move on eventually, and preferably we keep moving towards 'love' for want of a better word.
 
I have a delightful little courtyard garden at home. I have mentioned it before in relation to Japan. It is tiny, but flourishing. Just enough to look after, without being a burden on my time. Somehow it reminds me of my garden in a mountain villa in old Japan when I sit out there quietly, despite the native Australian parrots squawking in the gum tree behind me. It has the same tranquility.

I have a collection of about 10 bonsai trees, which I have grown myself, all from seedlings I have collected at odd times and odd places over the years. My oldest one, a Japanese maple, is about 20 years now and I plucked it from the garden of my old house one day when I was upset about moving out and wanted to keep a memento of happy times. X always liked it and wanted to grow his own as he was so envious of mine. But he lacked the perseverence and consistency that bonsai require - or any houseplant for that matter. :)

Recently it came time to repot some of them. I have never really had any training in bonsai or anything. I just had the idea to do it one day and always just did 'what felt right' with them - relying on my own instincts. But I thought, maybe I should google it and get some tips. I doubted myself, worrying about harming them if I did it wrong. Turns out there are several schools of bonsai and I have been instinctively practising the oldest and most traditional and have also been doing everything right.

After I did my miniature repotting project, I sat back and thought about it all. How do I know just what to do here? How do I just know by looking at one of these tiny little trees just what it needs? Of course!

I remembered being in charge of quite a splendid collection of bonsai trees, that belonged to the family of my husband. Some were very, very old. All were very valuable and a 'status symbol' of some importance, a sign of 'nobility' (whether real or purchased?).

I think we entered them in 'contests' - had important people over to view them for parties and the like. Of course I did not do most of the actual gardening myself, except the most 'delicate' and 'feminine' of things. Anything else would have been considered very 'unseemly'. But the kind old gardener used to spend a lot of time telling me all about the art of bonsai. I must have learned something.

I googled it and there was quite a 'craze' for bonsai among the 'nobility' of the Shogun era. A bit of a verification.

http://www.bonsaiempire.com/origin/bonsai-history

...The first graphic portrayals of these [bonsai] in Japan were not made until about eight hundred years ago. All things Chinese fascinated the Japanese, and at some point the Chinese Chan Buddhism (Indian meditative Dyhana Buddhism crossed with native Chinese Daoism) also was imported and became Zen Buddhism in Japan. Finding beauty in severe austerity, Zen monks – with less land forms as a model -- developed their tray landscapes along certain lines so that a single tree in a pot could represent the universe. The Japanese pots were generally deeper than those from the mainland, and the resulting gardening form was called hachi-no-ki, literally, the bowl's tree. A folktale from the late 1300s, about an impoverished samurai who sacrificed his last three dwarf potted trees to provide warmth for a traveling monk on a cold winter night, became a popular Noh theatre play, and images from the story would be depicted in a number of media forms, including woodblock prints, through the centuries.

...Around the year 1800, a group of scholars of the Chinese arts gathered near the city of Osaka to discuss recent styles in miniature trees. Their dwarf trees were renamed as “Bonsai” (the Japanese pronunciation of the Chinese term pun-tsai) in order to differentiate them from the ordinary hachi-no-ki which many persons cared for. The bon or pen is shallower than the Hachi bowl. This shows that at least some growers had better success with the horticultural needs of dwarf potted trees in smaller containers. Bonsai was now seen as a matter of design, the craft approach replacing the religious/mythical approach of tradition...
 
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...V is tall and handsome and clever (just my type and everything). It didn't mainly for reasons of timing I suppose, and well, I just never thought of him 'that way'... and there was always the fixation on X of course, which 'everyone' knew about. V's heard all about it (more than once). X and I have had a bit of a falling out recently and haven't spoken for a month or two. It's absolutely, positively, nothing to do with V. It's strictly between X and me. It'll blow over in due course I'm sure...

I had not thought about 'V' for some time. We lasted a year or two. I had to break up with him in the end. He started trying to boss me ar0und and I don't abide that. Also X and I patched up our friendship, but V continued to be quite unpleasant toward him, so after a while, V had to go.

Funny, huh?
 
Probably seems a bit harsh...

But... I just don't feel "that way" about anyone but X no matter how much I try (or used to). I tried my best to 'be in love with' V. I did. I wanted to. I tried. I failed.

X is the only one for me. That never changes. This life or the next or the next... Right or wrong. Body and soul. Call me crazy ... if you will. I call it 'love'. Old fashioned way. Some things never change.
 
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